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Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpg35223
Sure they can. But they come off as impotent crybabies in desperate need of attention. In truth, they are the walking wounded who desperately want a relationship, but let their neuroses get in the way.
Hey, I have a lot more respect for someone who is genuinely struggling than somebody who won't try yet wants us to weigh in on his apathy.
Maybe there needs to be a non-relationship / eunuch / celibacy forum and the mods can move all this crud there.
Well, it is a bit of a head scratcher when posters come into the relationship forums with threads on how they're never going to date again and how they're never going to be in a relationship again.
I mean, I have zero interest in owning a motorcycle or owning fish or clipping coupons, so I never visit those forums on City-Data. Why on earth do these guys who purport to be uninterested in relationships come visit here?
For the same reason all of you on this thread came to my thread when I only asked for responses from men who were unsuccessful in dating. The head scratcher is you all are a bunch of hypocrites and want me to do something you won't do yourselves.
For the same reason all of you on this thread came to my thread when I only asked for responses from men who were unsuccessful in dating. The head scratcher is you all are a bunch of hypocrites and want me to do something you won't do yourselves.
Did I weigh in on that thread? I don't think so.
As far as the hypocrite thing, I don't give advice on this forum that I didn't do myself in my own life. Advice that -- given the fact that I met, married, and had 24 great years with an amazing woman -- seems to have worked quite well, thanks.
As far as the hypocrite thing, I don't give advice on this forum that I didn't do myself in my own life. Advice that -- given the fact that I met, married, and had 24 great years with an amazing woman -- seems to have worked quite well, thanks.
Well it looks like im getting to people must be doing something right.
Well it looks like im getting to people must be doing something right.
Not knowing a damned thing about you, first thing's first. If you don't love yourself, you can't expect someone else to, either. The poet Ovid said it best: To be loved, you must first be lovable. Still holds true about twenty-five centuries later. So what's loving yourself?
Self-pity has to go out the window. To be perfectly blunt, the self-pity seems infused in all your posts. So cut that crap out. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to be tethered to a sad sack who thinks he'll never get ahead, for negative people suck the life and joy out of every single situation. Be the kind of person you'd want to hang out with. Be about other people. I don't know what kinds of issues you're dealing with, but that's just fundamental.
Next? Love yourself by taking care of yourself. In body, mind, and spirit. Hey, you might look like an Adonis. But if you don't cultivate your mind, if you don't concern yourself about the greater world around you, if you don't make yourself an interesting person to talk to, they'll bore of you quickly. I mean, I dated a woman who was on the cover of Elle and Italian Vogue. But we ran out of things to talk about after five dates and I moved on. She was great to look at. But, in the end, her interests in life were limited, so mine interest in her was as well.
Learn to be a better conversationalist. This is huge. You don't have to be Oscar Freaking Wilde or anything, but it's amazing how many people never learn the art of having a conversation. Instead, they have monologs where they talk about themselves nonstop. And when the other person talks, they fidget waiting for the next opening in the conversation to talk about themselves some more. Instead, a good conversationalist is more interest in learning about the other person than talking about himself. They are listeners before they are talkers.
Do not make being in a relationship the end-all, be-all objective in your life. It's great to be in one. But be the kind of person where a relationship supplements an already-great life. For people with lots of interests, lots of passion, and a great deal of empathy for others tend to be the kind of people that others gravitate to. Take a class in something that interests you. Do something utterly different. Join a club. Volunteer for a charity. Something. Anything. Give yourself multiple facets. The more things you have in your life, the more people you potentially meet, people with common interests.
Not knowing a damned thing about you, first thing's first. If you don't love yourself, you can't expect someone else to, either. The poet Ovid said it best: To be loved, you must first be lovable. Still holds true about twenty-five centuries later. So what's loving yourself?
Self-pity has to go out the window. To be perfectly blunt, the self-pity seems infused in all your posts. So cut that crap out. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to be tethered to a sad sack who thinks he'll never get ahead, for negative people suck the life and joy out of every single situation. Be the kind of person you'd want to hang out with. Be about other people. I don't know what kinds of issues you're dealing with, but that's just fundamental.
Next? Love yourself by taking care of yourself. In body, mind, and spirit. Hey, you might look like an Adonis. But if you don't cultivate your mind, if you don't concern yourself about the greater world around you, if you don't make yourself an interesting person to talk to, they'll bore of you quickly. I mean, I dated a woman who was on the cover of Elle and Italian Vogue. But we ran out of things to talk about after five dates and I moved on. She was great to look at. But, in the end, her interests in life were limited, so mine interest in her was as well.
Learn to be a better conversationalist. This is huge. You don't have to be Oscar Freaking Wilde or anything, but it's amazing how many people never learn the art of having a conversation. Instead, they have monologs where they talk about themselves nonstop. And when the other person talks, they fidget waiting for the next opening in the conversation to talk about themselves some more. Instead, a good conversationalist is more interest in learning about the other person than talking about himself. They are listeners before they are talkers.
Do not make being in a relationship the end-all, be-all objective in your life. It's great to be in one. But be the kind of person where a relationship supplements an already-great life. For people with lots of interests, lots of passion, and a great deal of empathy for others tend to be the kind of people that others gravitate to. Take a class in something that interests you. Do something utterly different. Join a club. Volunteer for a charity. Something. Anything. Give yourself multiple facets. The more things you have in your life, the more people you potentially meet, people with common interests.
Hope that helps.
The only thing I want or deserve is to be left alone so you just missed me with all that love talk. Pity is not something I want or will give so I don't know where you got self pity from.
The only thing I want or deserve is to be left alone so you just missed me with all that love talk. Pity is not something I want or will give so I don't know where you got self pity from.
Oh, I smell BS. If you just wanted to be left alone, you wouldn't be hanging out on a Relationships message board. So you're lying to us and, most of all, to yourself.
And the "I deserve to be left alone" just reeks of self-pity.
The only thing I want or deserve is to be left alone so you just missed me with all that love talk. Pity is not something I want or will give so I don't know where you got self pity from.
It's right here in this reply when you used the word "deserve". That's self-pity.
And the very fact that you claim you're not interested in relationships yet spend all your time posting in the relationships section tells everyone but you, apparently, that you're protesting a little too much.
Location: NYC based - Used to Live in Philly - Transplant from Miami
2,307 posts, read 2,768,812 times
Reputation: 2610
Because some people gets satisfaction belittling others.
It is not only in relationship aspect, but it also in alot of aspects, such as personal finance and personal goal.
Just keep focusing on people who are giving you positive encouragement!
It's right here in this reply when you used the word "deserve". That's self-pity.
And the very fact that you claim you're not interested in relationships yet spend all your time posting in the relationships section tells everyone but you, apparently, that you're protesting a little too much.
I don't disagree that doobalistic dabbles in self pity, among other things apparently given his user name. However, I'm not clear how using the word "deserve" is evidence of self pity. It may be and I'm not arguing that it isn't, but I can't see how, so I'm asking for help to understand how you understand self pity.
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