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My father is healthy, normal person with a social life. I was a painfully shy mess as a kid, and my parents were great to me. IMO you're using your childhood as a cop-out. If you're happy alone and content then great, but happy people usually aren't so bitter and angry.
My old man was beaten and put in the hospital by his father multiple times. His father pulled him out of school and made him work at a young age.
He managed to be a normal successful adult, he doesn't even hold a grudge against my grandfather. My grandfather was a terrible father and a shifty human being, but he's either changed or feels bad now. Either way, he's in our family and actually has a good relationship with my dad now. They went about 15 years without a word though.
Play the hand you're dealt bro, it's your only shot. No reason to be a ***** about it.
I think he's quit on life and is slowly killing himself with weed and alcohol.
I think it has a lot to do with the common traits we see with people who are unsuccessful with women. These traits are often: whining and complaining attitudes, unwillingness to improve upon ones-self, pessimistic perceptions that things can change. Usually, these traits come together. Whatever way you want to describe it, at the end of the day it boils down to having a negative attitude and reminding everyone that we should pity those you for being unsuccessful with women. It's a soap box filled with sorrow where the person wants us to feel sorry for them.
This is synonymous to people who complain about being overweight, yet do not go to the gym and do not change their eating habits. People who are miserable with their careers and/or want to make money yet do not take the steps towards becoming more successful such as taking the extra step at their job, finding another job, going back to school, or starting their own business.
When it comes to approaching the opposite sex many common myths have been "demystified" by the average poster. Much advice has been given by people who were on the same boat, that is, men who at some point or another have experienced failure with successfully approaching women. All men have been through it at some point. Yet people still refuse to "buy" into this and want to make this seem like the search for the holy grail. They want to vent out their frustrations. They want to offer excuses. Many have given up.
Many people in this world have problems from A to Z. From worldwide problems such as poverty, war, etc. to more personal problems such as family death etc., and you think people want to hear about how you are too afraid to approach a girl??
Negative attitudes receive negative responses.
Last edited by latino_esq; 05-09-2014 at 12:05 PM..
Reason: Editing
It's kinda like a great athlete who makes a poor coach. The game came so easy to him, he can't relate to the struggles of others who weren't as talented
Many people in this world have problems from A to Z. From worldwide problems such as poverty, war, etc. to more personal problems such as family death etc., and you think people want to hear about how you are too afraid to approach a girl??
Well look we can all throw the "starving kids in africa" line, to make people who struggle socialising with others to feel bad about questioning it, I did a few times to my therapist when trying to justify that my life maybe isn't so bad to her, maybe I should just get on with "being a loner" and S-T-F-U.
But those very very unfortunate children in africa are a world miles away from any of us in our realm/daily lives. That doesn't solve or discredit any of your or my problems. There are people homeless not too far from some of us, falling on hard times, they have significant problems to, no one is denying that.
As unfortunate as those circumstances (and we of course we appreciate the basic rights we have that they sadly don't), it is still very normal to engage in sexual activity and form relationships/human contact with others (with both sexes), its almost a necessity to most, we're conditioned to mate and reproduce, it even goes on in those very poor countries believe it or not, despite the abject amount of poverty.
To miss out entirely on that (and btw I don't want to make it out like its a "fundemental" right because its not) can be very delibitating and demoralising to anyone.
Depression's an illness, often related to self worth and self esteem, if throwing the line "think about all those in war and in poverty next time before you start feeling sorry for yourself" line worked, then we wouldn't have any depressed people anymore, would we?
Because people aren't very understanding on this site. Many seem to think dating/ getting sex is as easy as counting to 3. It might be for them but not for everyone. Not much compassion on the internet I guess. Never take the time to think that some people do try hard and still aren't successful with women. Hate seeing people talk about whining when they are basically doing the same. Except worse because they are just trying to put someone down.
Well look we can all throw the "starving kids in africa" line, to make people who struggle socialising with others to feel bad about questioning it, I did a few times to my therapist when trying to justify that my life maybe isn't so bad to her, maybe I should just get on with "being a loner" and S-T-F-U.
But those very very unfortunate children in africa are a world miles away from any of us in our realm/daily lives. That doesn't solve or discredit any of your or my problems. There are people homeless not too far from some of us, falling on hard times, they have significant problems to, no one is denying that.
As unfortunate as those circumstances (and we of course we appreciate the basic rights we have that they sadly don't), it is still very normal to engage in sexual activity and form relationships/human contact with others (with both sexes), its almost a necessity to most, we're conditioned to mate and reproduce, it even goes on in those very poor countries believe it or not, despite the abject amount of poverty.
To miss out entirely on that (and btw I don't want to make it out like its a "fundemental" right because its not) can be very delibitating and demoralising to anyone.
Depression's an illness, often related to self worth and self esteem, if throwing the line "think about all those in war and in poverty next time before you start feeling sorry for yourself" line worked, then we wouldn't have any depressed people anymore, would we?
You are right on many points but I think you are misinterpreting what I said as: these people do not have a right to be depressed about this issue (companionship, romance, love, sex, etc) given bigger issues in the world. Not what I'm saying at all. I can understand how some could develop depression from this and/or that this issue may worsen a person's depression.
However I'm merely answering the OPs thread as to why people scoff at posters who are unsuccessful with women.
For the most part, I would say, and I am guessing, that these posters are probably not what would qualify as having clinical depression but rather people that are venting out their frustrations, angst, anger, sorrows, etc. of meeting women. In such cases others probably scoff at them because this issue has been beat to death. People hold them in contempt due to the frustration of dealing with people who would rather quit based off some fear of rejection and/or willing to outright blame the other sex for their misfortunes (and every reason in between).
Whatever the reason is, it can be quite frustrating for anyone, I'm sure, to listen to the same sob story repeated when the logic behind their most basic excuses has been recanted numerous times and especially frustrating when compared to other worldly problems.
Last edited by latino_esq; 05-09-2014 at 04:04 PM..
Reason: Editing
i dont think thats true, a lot of posters seem to be middle class and have normal jobs, most aren't poor people barely getting by. Even then, I dont see whatever megarich posters mocking them. Even if they did, some "rich" person online might be a bum so it doesnt have credibility anyway.
I think it has a lot to do with the common traits we see with people who are unsuccessful with women. These traits are often: whining and complaining attitudes, unwillingness to improve upon ones-self, pessimistic perceptions that things can change. Usually, these traits come together. Whatever way you want to describe it, at the end of the day it boils down to having a negative attitude and reminding everyone that we should pity those you for being unsuccessful with women. It's a soap box filled with sorrow where the person wants us to feel sorry for them.
This is synonymous to people who complain about being overweight, yet do not go to the gym and do not change their eating habits. People who are miserable with their careers and/or want to make money yet do not take the steps towards becoming more successful such as taking the extra step at their job, finding another job, going back to school, or starting their own business.
When it comes to approaching the opposite sex many common myths have been "demystified" by the average poster. Much advice has been given by people who were on the same boat, that is, men who at some point or another have experienced failure with successfully approaching women. All men have been through it at some point. Yet people still refuse to "buy" into this and want to make this seem like the search for the holy grail. They want to vent out their frustrations. They want to offer excuses. Many have given up.
Many people in this world have problems from A to Z. From worldwide problems such as poverty, war, etc. to more personal problems such as family death etc., and you think people want to hear about how you are too afraid to approach a girl??
Negative attitudes receive negative responses.
This. There are certain posters who think they're the only person on the planet who has had to learn this stuff. To hear them talk, men who are successful at relationships were that way from the time they hit puberty, landing women effortlessly, as if plucking fruit from low-lying branches.
Nope.
We all had to learn. The problem is that we learned while a lot of these guys didn't. A large part of the issue is that they approach the relationship issue with pre-formed opinions on what the opposite sex wants, thinks, or does. The so-called Nice Guys are the worst in that regard, because they're thinking that if they put women up on a pedestal, they will have the Ultimate Favor conferred onto them.
It never occurs to a lot of these posters that women are just human beings that think a little differently from guys. They are not aliens from the planet Xarp. They want to be spoken to as human beings and desired as human beings. And they detest being put up on a pedestal, for while all women want to be adored, they despise being worshipped.
So it boils down to this. If you don't think you have worth, the rest of the world will agree with you. If you talk to a woman as if she's the end-all, be-all solution to your personal happiness, then she will run away for the burden is too much for any person to bear. If you push for intimacy, she'll back away as quickly as possible, too. If you don't respect yourself enough to take care of yourself, she won't respect you either. Have some self-awareness already.
It's. Just. Not. That. Hard. At least once you abandon preconceived notions and lose the attitude.
i dont think thats true, a lot of posters seem to be middle class and have normal jobs, most aren't poor people barely getting by. Even then, I dont see whatever megarich posters mocking them. Even if they did, some "rich" person online might be a bum so it doesnt have credibility anyway.
I am part of the working poor it sucks and I do not want this lifestyle. Just making enough to get by at the end of the month sucks. On top of that it is hard to feel good about working a dead end job going no wear fast.
I wanted more out of life so I have been taking college classes to get a better job.
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