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Language like this is not attractive no matter who is using it.
A lot of people do cuss, a lot don't and the rest cuss from time to time but all the time, every other word shows her lack of manners and consideration for others.
By the time you get back to school you may decide that you really don't want to be with her or vice versa.
In your parents home she should respect them and not use the language she has become accustomed to using.
At a party freshman year, I met this very beautiful girl and we hit it off. I’m from Indiana and she is from Brooklyn, and came to IU because, well, I guess she got sick of NY. Like she’s cool and we just razz each other. She, and this is what I love about her oddly enough, can cuss up astorm like a machine gun. IDK I’ve never been a fan of the girls who are afraid to cuss. Anyway, Over Christmas she came home with me for a week before heading back home and then I went to her place for Spring Break. My family HATES her, she was very sweet to them( but alas a few cusses slipped out). I've told my family I’m the one dating her, but they don’t care, they want me with a “ Midwestern Girl”. This is all I hear about is how awful she is and her mouth and how long distance relationships don't work( now that it's summer I won't see her until school starts but we do video chat every day so that helps. Parents of C-D: who's right and what do I do? Just FYI, a buddy of mine is dating a girl from Guadalajara, talk about long distance
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Originally Posted by Bronsolini
ok, so she uses some NSFW language. Who doesn't?
Well, just about every person I know does not swear (at least not in conversations).
And, even if some people do use a very infrequent swear word, for example if they drop a hammer on their toe, they know when it is NOT appropriate to cuss.
Job interview? Not Appropriate.
Church? Not Appropriate.
Interview for Graduate School? Not Appropriate.
Meeting with your boss? Not Appropriate.
Meeting your BF's parents for the first time? Certainly Not Appropriate.
Frankly, I wouldn't like anyone who came into my home and disrespected me & my husband by swearing in casual conversation. It just shows that they are rude and ill-mannered.
Bronsolini, just to give you an idea of how unusual this is I'll share someone from our Midwestern home. Over the years, our children (now adults) have brought dozens of school friends and BFs and GFs into our home. We have even had friends of theirs live with our family for weeks or months.
Do you know how many times that I can recall anyone swearing in front of us? Zero! Yes, zero. We aren't prudes that would be horrified if a swear word occasionally slipped out but our children's friends treated us as adults that they respected. You GF did not treat your parents and your home with respect.
However, she is just someone that you are dating and unless you plan to marry her I would just forget about your parents concerns and have fun for now. And think twice the next time you decide to bring someone home to meet Mom & Dad.
At a party freshman year, I met this very beautiful girl and we hit it off. I’m from Indiana and she is from Brooklyn, and came to IU because, well, I guess she got sick of NY. Like she’s cool and we just razz each other. She, and this is what I love about her oddly enough, can cuss up a storm like a machine gun. IDK I’ve never been a fan of the girls who are afraid to cuss. Anyway, Over Christmas she came home with me for a week before heading back home and then I went to her place for Spring Break. My family HATES her, she was very sweet to them( but alas a few cusses slipped out). I've told my family I’m the one dating her, but they don’t care, they want me with a “ Midwestern Girl”. This is all I hear about is how awful she is and her mouth and how long distance relationships don't work( now that it's summer I won't see her until school starts but we do video chat every day so that helps. Parents of C-D: who's right and what do I do? Just FYI, a buddy of mine is dating a girl from Guadalajara, talk about long distance
I'm a parent and I don't tell my kids who they can date or whether I like their partners. It's none of my business, unless that person makes it my business by hurting my family.
You just need to stand firm and ignore your parents. You're an adult. But if they don't like her, I wouldn't bring her back; it's not fair to your GF. Skip the visit to your parents and hang with her instead.
Maybe it's just me, but I would have never brought anybody I just met during my freshman year home for a week. I can understand coming over for Christmas dinner, but a whole week. I'm sure that put your family in an awkward situation. I would have least made it clear that no swear words in my parents house, especially in front of them, and especially if you don't do that in front of them.
It's a hard spot to be in for sure. I was there once too but my mom turned out to be right. You have to take into consideration why your mom feels the way she does. She has plenty of experience over you, and can see the bad coming before you do. If this isn't a girl that you plan on spending the rest of your life with it's OK to date and have fun but I wouldn't bring her home anymore!
she's from brooklyn. does she happen to be a different ethinicity from your family? Having lived in the ny metro area for 10 years, i know the personality of your stereotypical brooklynite. it's not bad, but it's definitely a bit more forward and in your face than most people I grew up with in Pennsylvania, so I can imagine it might be a bit of a difference for the midwestern family.
you've been dating her for a short time. you may find you end up agreeing with your parents/family.
lastly - if things do get serious, never underestimate your family's opinion of a significant other. even if it's drastically different than yours, in my various experiences, the parental opinion virtually always turned out correct. my uncle married a woman my grandmother didn't like. none of the rest of us understood why, but soemthing was just not right to her. after 2 kids and my uncle helping her start a business, she left him. about 6 yrs into the marriage. my family didn't like one of my ex's. she turned out to be crazy. i can give numerous examples. and i ended up with a girl i started dating around the same age as you are now (i'm 32 now). so it's entirely possible you can end up with someone for life now as well. listen to your family and friends who know you well. it could save you some headaches.
i'm not saying you need a stamp of approval if you truly do like the girl. i'm just saying...keep an open mind. us guys have a way of being clouded by a woman who's good with certain things....
Your parents don't like her in part because she is a bit "coarser" than they are used to, but likely perfectly normal for that neck of the woods. Everyone I know from back home went through a pretty foul-mouthed period in college, and we're all perfectly nice professionals these days with solid lives.
Their real objection, based on their desire for you to meet a "nice Midwestern girl" is likely that if things get serious with her, she's going to want you to move closer to her family on the east coast.
Either way, nut up and tell them your relationship is not up for discussion and that you're happy with the way things are with her. You're an adult now - time to draw your boundaries.
Honestly, I don't get parents who object to anything but how their son or daughter is treated by their partner.
I don't get the whole GF/BF bashing parents do. I would think the more you bash them the more kids rebel and stick with them. Your parents seem a bit prejudice and need to broaden their understanding of different Americans. They don't like her because of her Brooklyn upbringing without knowing exactly what that is. For instance I used to think people in the MW were boring, not that bright and into meth labs. As I spent time out there I realized I was incorrect.
I also thought Brooklyn was like growing up on Sesame Street. The area has such a deep history. There are good and bad sections and the people are a bit in your face but one thing I noticed. People from Brooklyn may break each others balls and be in your face but if you ask for help they will give you the shirt off their back. In contrast, in Indiana everyone was very polite and nice to your face but I got the feeling that when push came to shove they wouldn't even bother to pee on you if you were on fire.
Will your relationship work out? Who knows but I think your parents need to be respectful and let you handle your own relationships.
Well, I'm sorry your GF got off on the wrong foot with your family. The fact that they want you to "marry a Midwestern girl" pretty much tells me that they are afraid you are going to pick up and move to New York, far away from them -- which is silly, because no one is talking marriage right now. Did you have a GF in high school? I'm wondering if your parents may still prefer your high school GF . . .
If she visits again, you might ask her, for you, to tone down the cursing out of respect for your parents, who aren't used to it. In fact, you'd probably be doing her a favor if you gently encouraged her to just tone it down in general. Expletives at the club, or in anger, etc. happen. But in normal, day-to-day conversation, I'm afraid that yes, she is opening herself to unfavorable judgements -- and it's so easy to avoid. Almost no employer would approve of her using that kind of language with clients, and if she's self-employed, she would possibly offend clients and would never know why they simply chose to do business elsewhere. Foul language is a sloppy habit that can be curbed.
In the meantime, enjoy the relationship. I think Dragonmam's advice was great: tell them that you are enjoying getting to know this girl, and their constant focusing on the things they found unattractive hurts your feelings. "Duly noted -- moving on . . ." There have been some BF/GF's that my kids have brought home that weren't my favorite, but I NEVER put them down to my kids. You can usually find something nice to comment on about anyone - although, admittedly, sometimes it's harder than others! I have a wonderful relationship with my mother-in-law, and I hope that I will have the same kind of relationship with my son- or daughter-in-law. Your mother is seeing this girl, and is grimacing at the prospect of invective-laced holidays for the next 30 years . . . :-) I don't know where she gets the idea that Midwestern girls don't cuss, though . . .
Re: the long distance thing. Sometimes, they do work, if both people have the same expectations and try not to put a short leash on the other person. My husband and I were never even in the same state before we got married, except for our first year (he was a senior and I was a freshman in college). He went on to work, I stayed in college, and we both dated other people, etc., but always came back to each other. Six years later, after we had both had a chance to work, travel, date other people, etc., we got married, and that was over 30 years ago. :-)
she's from brooklyn. does she happen to be a different ethinicity from your family?
Yeah, we're white and she's got both British and Italian in her background.
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but we do video chat every day so that helps. Parents of C-D: who's right and what do I do? Just FYI, a buddy of mine is dating a girl from Guadalajara, talk about long distance
