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A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years. She was the one who ended it, citing his lack of ambition as the reason. I can understand if he were working a minimum wage job and had no desire to look for something better, but that wasn't the case. He works as an engineer making around 100K per year. But he has no desire to move up the corporate ladder to a managerial position. He likes what he's currently doing, doesn't want the added stress of a more senior position, and doesn't want to work longer hours to make more money which he doesn't need. She, on the other hand, is definitely more ambitious. She makes 80K now and is on track to pass the 6-figure mark in another year or two. It wasn't a complete surprise that they broke up. He had mentioned to me several times how she was pressuring him to pursue a higher job, almost as if she was embarrassed that he wasn't aiming higher.
Do you think it's fair to push your partner to aim higher than what they want? How important is it that two people have the same level of ambition? Would you be upset if your partner suddenly decided they wanted a downgrade (not as drastic as what Kevin Spacey did in American Beauty, but maybe one step down from where they are now)?
A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years. She was the one who ended it, citing his lack of ambition as the reason. I can understand if he were working a minimum wage job and had no desire to look for something better, but that wasn't the case. He works as an engineer making around 100K per year. But he has no desire to move up the corporate ladder to a managerial position. He likes what he's currently doing, doesn't want the added stress of a more senior position, and doesn't want to work longer hours to make more money which he doesn't need. She, on the other hand, is definitely more ambitious. She makes 80K now and is on track to pass the 6-figure mark in another year or two. It wasn't a complete surprise that they broke up. He had mentioned to me several times how she was pressuring him to pursue a higher job, almost as if she was embarrassed that he wasn't aiming higher.
Do you think it's fair to push your partner to aim higher than what they want? How important is it that two people have the same level of ambition? Would you be upset if your partner suddenly decided they wanted a downgrade (not as drastic as what Kevin Spacey did in American Beauty, but maybe one step down from where they are now)?
In the happiest, most successful relationship each person brings out the best in their partner, including motivating them towards that best.
It is not necessary for each person to have the same level of ambition, just for each person to be comfortable with their partner's level.
Your friends girl wasn't - so it was time to move on. She did what she thought was best for herself.
Sounds like they just weren't compatible...that and she is very materialistic and cares a lot about status.
I, on the other hand, don't care. As long as he has a decent job that helps pay the bills and put food on the table I'm totally fine, especially if he is happy doing it. The kind of career I am aiming for is something I am happy doing.
I think the whole attitude about "Getting this money and blah blah" that some people have, they fail to realize it's nothing but a crock. It is important to have money to survive and have fun but it shouldn't take over your entire existence.
Sounds like they just weren't compatible...that and she is very materialistic and cares a lot about status.
I, on the other hand, don't care. As long as he has a decent job that helps pay the bills and put food on the table I'm totally fine, especially if he is happy doing it. The kind of career I am aiming for is something I am happy doing.
I think the whole attitude about "Getting this money and blah blah" that some people have, they fail to realize it's nothing but a crock. It is important to have money to survive and have fun but it shouldn't take over your entire existence.
I think most women think this way.... I know that there are some exceptions but in my experience, most women just want you to have a decent job and not be drowning in debt.
I'd venture to say that the OP's friend dodge a major major bullet. I would hate to have a wife that needled me to keep making more money.
I'm in the same basic boat as the OP's friend, I'm in the technical ranks and I too don't have anywhere to go but go up into management, I could have done that several yrs ago and I would have gotten a good bump up in pay, but the stress and headaches aren't worth it. Heck, I have a hard time sleeping sometime because of work stress as it is now, it would only get worse with more responsibilities.
We have a good decent life, I have no complaints in the money department.
Money is a necessary evil, that's it... I don't covet for much and I certainly don't covet money for money's sake.
I have a SIL that just repulses me the way she lusts after money.
She has a whole in her heart that no amount of money would ever fil.......
In the happiest, most successful relationship each person brings out the best in their partner, including motivating them towards that best.
But what if your partner doesn't want to work towards the best? Some people aren't looking to live up to their fullest potential. They know they could do better, but are happy with where they are.
But what if your partner doesn't want to work towards the best? Some people aren't looking to live up to their fullest potential. They know they could do better, but are happy with where they are.
I already answered this....
It is not necessary for each person to have the same level of ambition, just for each person to be comfortable with their partner's level.
When people are not comfortable with their partners level of anything - integrity, education, manners, AMBITION, it's time to move on.
The person not living up to their potential has the right to make that choice.
But the person not comfortable with it doesn't have to volunteer to stay and "love them anyway".
The problem with that ambition is that no amount of money will be enough to satisfy.Your friend dodged a bullet for sure.
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