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OP, if the total airfare is $600 (it's not clear. Or is it $1200, and $600 is your half?), it's really not that big a deal, assuming you both make decent money. If you typically are uncomfortable about accepting generous gifts, that's your personal issue. Hopefully, she's mature and realizes there's no guarantee that things will work out long-term between the two of you. But this is an opportunity to have a date with her, and help her out on a social occasion.
I think you're putting too much weight on this. And it sounds kinda win-win, if both of you are thinking it's the nicest thing anyone has done for each of you. If no red flags have come up so far in the LDR, why not go? Instead of splurging on your family with money, you can splurge with your time, and cook a special meal for them, or something.
I think if you decline, that would be interpreted as lack of interest in her. I suppose the family-in-town excuse might get you off the hook credibly, though, if you're really that uncomfortable with the situation. ("Oh, this sounds great, but the timing's kinda bad. I have family coming for a visit, and had plans to give them the grand tour at some expense...")
What I'm hearing is, I don't like this person enough to be spending this amount of money on her, even if she is offering to pay half. I would kindly refuse her request and just plan for a better opportunity to meet up. Of course you should realize if you turn her down, she may lose a significant amount of interest in you because you are unwilling to take a chance with her.
I think you misunderstood my OP. If she pays half, the money is not a big factor for me. However, I'm not too keen on accepting big gifts in general (even from family, let alone someone new). That's my hangup, hence the OP.
It's paying for the entire airfare that I don't really have in the budget for this month just because I already have plans with the family flying out for a week. I'm going to be hosting them an
If I offered to pay for 1/2 a ticket, I'd think the guy wasn't interested if he declined. If you like her, you should go. What are you really worried about? If you act like a gentleman, and present yourself in a respectable manner, there is no reason why the weekend couldn't be a springboard for a future ltr.
OP, if the total airfare is $600 (it's not clear. Or is it $1200, and $600 is your half?), it's really not that big a deal, assuming you both make decent money. If you typically are uncomfortable about accepting generous gifts, that's your personal issue. Hopefully, she's mature and realizes there's no guarantee that things will work out long-term between the two of you. But this is an opportunity to have a date with her, and help her out on a social occasion.
I think you're putting too much weight on this. And it sounds kinda win-win, if both of you are thinking it's the nicest thing anyone has done for each of you. If no red flags have come up so far in the LDR, why not go? Instead of splurging on your family with money, you can splurge with your time, and cook a special meal for them, or something.
I think if you decline, that would be interpreted as lack of interest in her. I suppose the family-in-town excuse might get you off the hook credibly, though, if you're really that uncomfortable with the situation. ("Oh, this sounds great, but the timing's kinda bad. I have family coming for a visit, and had plans to give them the grand tour at some expense...")
It's $600 round trip. Which isn't terrible, but not ideal either (not for a three day trip IMO). But yeah, with the family coming in (which was planned like six months ago), I did plan on doing a lot with them originally. I can adjust my budget though.
I do think it's a win-win. But as you mentioned and as I have stated, I just typically have a difficult time accepting gifts. I think it's because my family was always pretty poor and I didn't like the idea of people spending money on me when they could use it for better purposes elsewhere. It's an engrained mindset for sure. And it just initially felt weird with someone new in my life offering something so generous. We have talked about the idea that when she does move, I can take her out for a nice night. That makes me feel better about it.
I think you misunderstood my OP. If she pays half, the money is not a big factor for me. However, I'm not too keen on accepting big gifts in general (even from family, let alone someone new). That's my hangup, hence the OP.
It's paying for the entire airfare that I don't really have in the budget for this month just because I already have plans with the family flying out for a week. I'm going to be hosting them an
OP, do you want to let a personal hangup come between you and a romantic interest? Do you have other issues relating to money? I say, overlook the hangup, go enjoy, then find a way to resolve your hangup about big gifts after the event. Do some reflection, or get a little counseling, or whatever. But don't let this spoil a potentially fun weekend and what seems to be a gradually budding relationship.
edit: OK, I just saw your post. So you're from a family of modest means, and suddenly a new person in your life thinks nothing of dropping $300 on you. But bear in mind that she's spending the $300 on herself, in a way. That $300 is getting her an escort for an event that, apparently, she'd feel awkward attending alone. That's how I see it. If it were me, I'd be thinking this is a way for me to solve a problem for myself, and also provide an opportunity for both of us to have a weekend together. See what I mean? It's not like she's buying you an extravagant antique lamp, or piece of jewelry. The money will go towards her own enjoyment, too. She's spending the money for her, as well as you.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-04-2014 at 03:43 PM..
This was my original thought. I personally don't want to drop the $600 or so on the roundtrip airfare at this point (for a three day trip), because I have family coming in to town this month and I planned on splurging on them. But she has been pushing hard the past few days to get me to come out. In her words, "it'd be the nicest thing anyone has done for her". And here I'm thinking it's probably the nicest thing anyone has offered to do for me.
Its very nice, and a rare offer that a woman would make in the dating world.
Its very nice, and a rare offer that a woman would make in the dating world.
She must want you bad, man
Yes, which makes me think either the OP has an abnormal hangup about money or she really isn't that desirable. There are some women I've dated that I would have absolutely jumped at this opportunity, even if I had to pay them back their half later.
Yes, which makes me think either the OP has an abnormal hangup about money or she really isn't that desirable. There are some women I've dated that I would have absolutely jumped at this opportunity, even if I had to pay them back their half later.
Well, I think $600 for a three day trip to visit someone who you've only met once would have any average person uncertain. But maybe I'm wrong about that.
And the idea of not liking to accept large gifts is just a weird quirk of mine. I mean, it's more of a humility thing than anything. If you think about this scenario, I have a girl who wants to help fly me out, take me to an event, and well...we'll see where it goes from there . Who wouldn't want that? I guess I just feel really honored and undeserving of it all though. It's just the way I was raised.
If you think about this scenario, I have a girl who wants to help fly me out, take me to an event, and well...we'll see where it goes from there . Who wouldn't want that?
It's like "Pretty Woman" LOL
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. Who wouldn't want that? I guess I just feel really honored and undeserving of it all though. It's just the way I was raised.
