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I was on another forum and this woman was discussing why she doesn't date certain guys. I can't remember what they were but she had a bad experience with something she now avoids men like that. Anyone the reason I have certain requirements is either bad experience or personal taste. For example I've dated men with kids and found they had so much baggage I couldn't handle it. Same thing with a few other things. An ex was obese and nasty and I know because of my active lifestyle I need someone active.
Quite honestly, I have a friend who told me to "get rid of your expectations" and I was like "Hell no!!"
Anyway, she's on her 2nd marriage and has 3 baby daddies (I love her to death!!) but for someone who's now got 3 kids, early 30s, working 2 jobs to support her emotionally distant financially irresponsible compulsive hubby, and a few times on the verge of divorce with her current one, I'm just like- okay maybe you need to re-assess your judgment in how you pick and choose the men you date and marry. Of course I don't tell her this, because she's going to do what she's going to do, and I'm going to do what I'm going to do, and out of love, I'm not going to tell her what to do. It's her life.
Case in point- whether or not we have expectations, having requirements or no requirements is all about what works for us individually. There are no right or wrongs.
Most of my expectations also lead me to know personally, I'm very happy with my life right now, and happy with the choices I've made, not with all of my choices, and my mistakes have lead me to where I am right now. I will damn well say, my requirements benefited me overall.
A part of what I think why people say to hush up on one's requisites is the social conditioning of "settling" and not being virtuous about being true to oneself. Seems kinda oppressive, actually, to listen to others, and not oneself.
If everybody chooses to jump off a bridge, doesn't mean it's right for me to follow along? Not really. Whatever works for people. If they want to jump off a bridge, they can do so.
I don't have any REQUIREMENTS so-to-speak but I do have the basic needs: trust, respect, and attraction. I rather date someone who doesn't have kids but I am also open to the idea. I guess the only requirement is that our religious beliefs have to be similar.
Quite honestly, I have a friend who told me to "get rid of your expectations" and I was like "Hell no!!"
Anyway, she's on her 2nd marriage and has 3 baby daddies (I love her to death!!) but for someone who's now got 3 kids, early 30s, working 2 jobs to support her emotionally distant financially irresponsible compulsive hubby, and a few times on the verge of divorce with her current one, I'm just like- okay maybe you need to re-assess your judgment in how you pick and choose the men you date and marry. Of course I don't tell her this, because she's going to do what she's going to do, and I'm going to do what I'm going to do, and out of love, I'm not going to tell her what to do. It's her life.
Case in point- whether or not we have expectations, having requirements or no requirements is all about what works for us individually. There are no right or wrongs.
Most of my expectations also lead me to know personally, I'm very happy with my life right now, and happy with the choices I've made, not with all of my choices, and my mistakes have lead me to where I am right now. I will damn well say, my requirements benefited me overall.
A part of what I think why people say to hush up on one's requisites is the social conditioning of "settling" and not being virtuous about being true to oneself. Seems kinda oppressive, actually, to listen to others, and not oneself.
If everybody chooses to jump off a bridge, doesn't mean it's right for me to follow along? Not really. Whatever works for people. If they want to jump off a bridge, they can do so.
My aunt was like that. She would tell me my standards were too high and tried to match me up with some winners. That's because she's no winner, she had kids by two men and married to a third. I'd rather be happy than settle. b
My aunt was like that. She would tell me my standards were too high and tried to match me up with some winners. That's because she's no winner, she had kids by two men and married to a third. I'd rather be happy than settle. b
That's the problem with set-ups. Because sometimes, people set you up according to their tastes, or what they think you ought to take, not what you may like.
Just yesterday, I was in church, and a guy sat next to me. My mother asked later if he said anything to me, or if he was just sitting there. I said he didn't say a word, or spare a glance. I asked why, and she stated because she and his mother were talking about us going out.
I couldn't have been more offended, and I am still upset.
#1 It's not her business, and out of line for her to discuss me going out with a guy without asking me.
#2 I didn't care for the guy-not into the baggy clothes, nasty facial hair look-least he wasn't working the facial hair.
#3. I have never talked to her about liking him, so she had no reason to assume that.
And I told her I didn't like him, and not to set me up again. I don't like being "set up." It's happened twice, and neither was a good experience. Yesterday was a 3rd in the making.
The guys she'd like me to give chance to simply aren't guys I like. So, I guess she can go back, and tell his mother I am not interested.
Requirements? In terms of personal taste
1. No baggy/saggy pants. The look came from prison, and it's just...eck. Even for casual hanging out, I don't like it. Seems thuggish, and I don't care for thuggish men.
2. No smoking. Hard to breathe, aggravates my eyes and damages my health in addition to his own.
3. No drinking, sans socially. Father was a drunk, so I had enough of drinking men.If it's a social event, sure. But 1st time I catch him drunk, that'd be it.
4. Obviously we'd need to have common interests, and be open to trying to share one another's interests.
5. And a guy who's more take charge. Not shy, basically. Being shy myself, I wouldn't want a shy guy who couldn't talk to me. He doesn't have to be an extrovert, just not "shy." A more leader type would be good, as I am more a follower. So, 2 followers together isn't a match lol
These are the main things really. Aside from physical attraction, Doesn't need to be a model, or heartthrob, mind you.
Ya know, kinda like when the genie offers 3 wishes, my first wish is: infinity wishes. When he says there is a rule that you can't have infinity wishes then I use my second wish to get rid of the rule.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I have requirements to avoid wasting time and money (neither which I have a good supply of) with someone who is going to inevitably not going to be compatible with me. Better to put a stop to that in the beginning.
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in the beginning.
