Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Lol right? Entitled princess that can do whatever she wants with out consequence. Anyone who disagrees is just an insecure chest beater for not kissing miss princess's feet.
I don't have a dog in the fight, so to speak, if a woman wants to be flirty, fine, whatever, it ain't no thang but a chicken wing as far as I'm concenered, that being said, let's just call it what it is... it's attention seeking behavior, I mean I'm not mad about it, but to wrap it up as some kind of little personality "kink" or that's "just how I am" is sort of BS... LOL....
It's also funny to me that I would somehow be an insecure man and a "chest beater" because I don't care to be around overly flirty people, man or woman, for that matter. Any of the regulars know that I'm not that guy..... LOL....
I don't have a dog in the fight, so to speak, if a woman wants to be flirty, fine, whatever, it ain't no thang but a chicken wing as far as I'm concenered, that being said, let's just call it what it is... it's attention seeking behavior, I mean I'm not mad about it, but to wrap it up as some kind of little personality "kink" or that's "just how I am" is sort of BS... LOL....
It's also funny to me that I would somehow be an insecure man and a "chest beater" because I don't care to be around overly flirty people, man or woman, for that matter. Any of the regulars know that I'm not that guy..... LOL....
I'm with you here 100%, regardless to how I'm coming off. Doesn't make me mad, but the rationalizations are hilarious to me.
Wow....I'd say if you are at the point of barely tolerating her behaviors, add to that she seems also to be an alcoholic....then it is a good thing she is just a girl friend....Get a new one!
I wanted to add....I recognize you are displaying tendencies towards co-dependency.....I've included a link, please read it.......you are accepting unacceptable behaviors....find out why and find a co-dependency support group to gt back on track......lose this person, you are being self-destructive by staying. http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency
Last edited by JanND; 09-06-2014 at 11:30 AM..
Reason: edit to add a link
Lol right? Entitled princess that can do whatever she wants with out consequence. Anyone who disagrees is just an insecure chest beater for not kissing miss princess's feet.
Why, YES, I do love my feet pampered; thanks for mentioning it. : D
However, I get enough of that already in my everyday life as it is and don't expect it from faceless individuals who are intimated by me on online forums. I never asked ANY of you to do a thing for me; you came to that conclusion yourself and it is something that you'll have to work out among yourselves. I can't assist.
Yup. Tells me she "has to be tough" and drop the F word three times in every sentence to get any respect from men, so it has become a "habit" and she can't stop doing it. Tells me she is not flirting, she just gets along with men better than women cause women are jealous of her.
Having read further.....I add this opinion....Women see her for what she is, disrespectful and a trouble maker. Guys, obviously not all of them.....the ones calling you a poor bastard...... are sometimes simply flattered, you said that she is good looking.
Seriously, putting up with this is ridiculous, what are you afraid of that you are settling for this type person. Male or female, this is not a person that you make a mutually satisfying relationship with. I'm guessing you must feel like her keeper, or a fifth wheel when you go out....and she doesn't sound like the type that will ever be settled. I think even being friends with someone like this would be too much work. Another decent link...Co-dependency:Symptoms...http://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms...dency/00011992
Last edited by JanND; 09-06-2014 at 11:31 AM..
Reason: edit to add a link
Why, YES, I do love my feet pampered; thanks for mentioning it. : D
However, I get enough of that already in my everyday life as it is and don't expect it from faceless individuals who are intimatedby me on online forums. I never asked ANY of you to do a thing for me; you came to that conclusion yourself and it is something that you'll have to work out among yourselves. I can't assist.
LOL... I literally laughed out loud at this "intimidated" by me stuff, LOL, your just a faceless screen too.... your break in logic is astounding...
Again, flirt away, I'm not mad at ya........ I just like everyone else "see" the behavior for what it is.... you wanna live in delusion land and think others don't see it too, then have at it.
LOL... I literally laughed out loud at this "intimidated" by me stuff, LOL, your just a faceless screen too.... your break in logic is astounding...
Again, flirty away, I'm not mad at ya........ I just like everyone else "see" the behavior for what it is.... you wanna live in delusion land and think others don't see it too, then have at it.
I'm not even sure what just happened, but I hate when people feel the need to have a special colored font in bold for their posts. Isn't red supposed to be for mods, anyway?
I am a 50yo guy with a 45yo girlfriend who has to be the center of attention.
I asked several female friends of hers and they insist she has always been "the life of the party" and just likes to "be one of the boys" and drink and raise hell, and she loves me or she wouldn't be with me. I don't get it all as I have never dealt with this in my two previous relationships, and am at a loss for how to deal with it/handle it.
Surely someone else has gone through this or is dealing with it. Ideas/suggestions please?
lol @ bolded.
Identity crisis could happen at any age. She's the type of person who needs others' approval in order to feel, well, empowered.
We all want to be respected loved adored chased after (whatever the list goes on and on). But when somebody have to be center of attention ALL .THE. TIME, There is a problem.
We go out to a bar, she introduces herself to every man at the bar and talks to them like she has known them forever. Go to a restaurant and it's a male server, the first question is what's your name?
I had a wife like that who was unusually outgoing and the life of any party. To make a very long, 25 year story shorter, I entered therapy and 12 step groups such as Codependents Anonymous for my long standing emotional issues.
Thanks to learning how to HONESTLY examine my feelings and family background, I discovered that my basic problem with my party time wife was about my insecurity and JEALOUSY of her social abilities. We both worked in entertainment, me on sax her the singer and I tried very hard to copy her social style but my bad family past prevented me from being as friendly and outgoing as her. In Codependents Anonymous, I began to acquire some understanding of my own emotional deficits and acquire some better self esteem so I became a little stronger, which she liked a lot.
We both had slowed down on our drinking so we didn't have as vast a social network as before. I got better and better and soberer and soberer to the point where I could see how messed up she was under that happy-go-lucky, "life of the party" personality or FRONT as I learned in Program. Once I was on to her "games", things got pretty sticky between us and I no longer took any sh*t from her and began standing up to her and speaking my mind about EVERYTHING. Things got worse and worse between us as I opened up & grew stronger to the point where she was becoming physically threatening (held knife to my throat in our kitchen). Thanks to the program and the support of other 12 steppers, I packed up one day and LEFT HER to live in my station wagon for about a year. I never went back to her very sick environment once I found my freedom and mental health. I finally stopped drinking altogether and have never missed it.
Quote:
She comes home hours later and passes out. Next day she apologizes, just as she always does. You know I always get carried away because I love to socialize she tells me.
My ex was exactly like that! She would happily drink until she passed out and the next day act as if NOTHING had happened.
In Recovery I began to understand what might be wrong with her based on what little I knew about her family background but she was the CLASSIC version of DENIAL and would not allow any discussion of either her family (over in England) or her drunken behavior. As far as she was concerned, I was the sick one who needed help and I agreed with her at first. Thanks to the things I was learning in Programs, I could see all of the symptoms of a dysfunctional childhood and family life in her and also the text book Denial and Delusions that she was hiding behind with her "life of the party" persona. I have to admit that she was the life of the party BUT she was struggling to hold down a lot of inner daemons, none the less.
Quote:
I asked several female friends of hers and they insist she has always been "the life of the party" and just likes to "be one of the boys" and drink and raise hell, and she loves me or she wouldn't be with me.
Same with me! We got married to "solve" our fading romance and bought a house (no kids!) but, not until I went for help did anything ever get any better for us after 25YEARS TOGETHER! I now believe that she "loved" me because I was a low self-worth, push over sucker for her "stunts" and the moment I began to wake up from my bad self esteem and gullibility, it was all over between us! I am now married to a wonderful, compatible and Recovered woman and we have NEVER had a bad day in 23 years.
Quote:
I don't get it all as I have never dealt with this in my two previous relationships, and am at a loss for how to deal with it/handle it. Surely someone else has gone through this or is dealing with it. Ideas/suggestions please?
I don't give advise or lectures so all I can say is that I dealt with my party girl by first waking up to my own vulnerabilities to such a person by FIXING my own inner issues and then by deciding what I really want in life (not her!) and finding the courage to GO FOR IT!
In my case, waking up to my inner issues and flaws was a very long, painful and complicated process but everything began to fall right into place the very first night that I walked into a 12 step meeting in Van Nuys, CA and INSTANTLY began to heal and come alive. I stayed with my then wife for about a year longer after I started working on my self but it was very scary when she turned from a Party Girl to a menacing DAEMON! People like her will do that the moment their state of DENIAL is threatened and then they begin fighting for their life! As for me, getting my life back in therapy became all that mattered.
good luck,
jim
Being in music, I met my Party girl at a strip club in Hollywood and liked her right away with that sparkling personality so we did a lot of bar action over the next few years but I was never able to keep up with her in public.
Quote:
If you aren't currently in the dating scene, it is TOUGH to find someone with the qualities you are looking for these days when you are a 50 year old. Unless you meet someone through work or a friend, you have to rely on on-line dating or the bar scene.
By the time I became single, I was involved with a lot of new and different folks in Recovery rooms but I met my now wife in a Metaphysical Church which was a natural extension of my Recovery work. I lucked out because my now wife was both sober and had done some Recovery work her self at Al-anon.
Quote:
but there are still those occasional times it gets ugly. I was kind of hoping it would all work it's way oput fo her system, but as some have mentioned, she may be to set in her ways or not want to change.
Before I finally left her BECAUSE of those "ugly" times like you mention, I also hoped that she would see my progress and "change" but, just like I was learning in meetings, people like her DO NOT change because they have the world by the ass and have no need to change anything in their self assured CONTROL of life and others. I learned that a person does not and will not change UNTIL they hit bottom a lot and REALLY, REALLY WANT TO CHANGE and even then, there's no guarantee as most Alcoholics will tell us.
Quote:
Thanks for the good advice and to those with the wise cracks, I hope you never find yourself in this situation.
I was lucky to meet a lot of others in my situation in sharing meetings otherwise, I never would have made it!
good luck finding your freedom again,
jim
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
She's the type of person who needs others' approval in order to feel, well, empowered.
Flirty GF
