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When I was younger and single, I never dated a guy with kids, but it had more to do with the fact that I had never met anyone with kids. At that point in my life, I can't say I would view it as a positive, but I can't definitively say I would have written someone off for having a child/children.
When my sister was single and in her early to mid 20s, she dated a number of men with children. And it wasn't as if she was hurting for suitors.
Having no kids was and still is a mandatory for me to be serious with someone because I don't have kids. I am not enthused about getting into an instant family situation with someone elses kids. Lately I have been rethinking this because of the preponderance of single moms out there. For every single mom I can only assume there is a single dad unless the same dudes are knocking up all the women.
I'd like to also hear from single parents (read, both men and women) how it affects your dating life. Do your standards raise, lower, no change? Not meaning to sound harsh or insensitive but having kid(s) already is a lot to bring into a relationship with someone that doesn't have kids, IE baggage. I could see myself getting serious with a single mom that has ONE child but wants more with me, but she would need to be extra special in other areas for me to consider her with other women that do not have a child yet.
And for the women out there considering single dads, how do you feel about the fact that his financial means are severely hindered by his ex? Friend of mine is paying $900/month in child support for ONE child. If he marries a woman it will factor in his income and hers to come up with a new higher number each month that he pays to another woman. Money that could be used in your relationship that is instead going toward another woman.
never bothered me. i have dated women with children. and while i dont want kids of my own, that doesnt mean i am going to turn down a fine lady just because she has children.
Having no kids was and still is a mandatory for me to be serious with someone because I don't have kids. I am not enthused about getting into an instant family situation with someone elses kids. Lately I have been rethinking this because of the preponderance of single moms out there. For every single mom I can only assume there is a single dad unless the same dudes are knocking up all the women.
I'd like to also hear from single parents (read, both men and women) how it affects your dating life. Do your standards raise, lower, no change? Not meaning to sound harsh or insensitive but having kid(s) already is a lot to bring into a relationship with someone that doesn't have kids, IE baggage. I could see myself getting serious with a single mom that has ONE child but wants more with me, but she would need to be extra special in other areas for me to consider her with other women that do not have a child yet.
And for the women out there considering single dads, how do you feel about the fact that his financial means are severely hindered by his ex? Friend of mine is paying $900/month in child support for ONE child. If he marries a woman it will factor in his income and hers to come up with a new higher number each month that he pays to another woman. Money that could be used in your relationship that is instead going toward another woman.
At my age it really doesn't matter as his kids would most likely be grown.
My DH died when our kids were young. I never had any trouble dating because of being a single mother. I imagine my standards remained the same but I had to be serious about a guy before he ever met my kids. I remarried when my kids were teenage/preteen to a man who had never been married and had no children. He never had to care for them, help them financially or they never hindered out "going out" or travel plans. He never complained about my kids being a lot to bring into the relationship.
I dated a guy with a teenage son who was paying CS. I was not concerned with his financial means. His financial obligations were his. And he was not paying it to another woman, he was helping support his child. But I would consider any legal financial outfall concerning my own wages going towards his financial obligations before marrying, not that I would marry again.
Now if you have so many options that you would consider a women with one child IF she was extra special, then Im not sure why this is even an issue.
And for the women out there considering single dads, how do you feel about the fact that his financial means are severely hindered by his ex? Friend of mine is paying $900/month in child support for ONE child. If he marries a woman it will factor in his income and hers to come up with a new higher number each month that he pays to another woman. Money that could be used in your relationship that is instead going toward another woman.
Just realized I never answered this part of the question.
Child support is a non-issue. Kids cost money and that's just the fact of the matter. Even if he had custody and his ex was writing him a check, the reality is he's still coming out of pocket for his kids. If he was a widower and had his kids all the time, he's still be spending that $900 a month (probably a lot more).
If you've ever sat down with an lawyer and worked out a child support sheet (which my ex and I had to do), essentially it's one parent reimbursing the other parent for money spent on THEIR child. We have joint custody, but my ex and I had the option, he could pay all the bills and I write a check to him; or I pay all the bills and he write a check to me. We opted for me to pay the bills because it worked out better for us.
For example, after school care is $500 (rounded). On the worksheet $250 is in his column and $250 is in mine. But because I pay the whole bill, he owes me $250 reimbursement and that's "reimbursed" to me as child support. There are other things too like health insurance, clothing, extra circular activities, etc that's calculated in--I pay it all and his half is in the support. The only thing not calculated in are medical expenses. So when our daughter broke her arm, we both paid half of the hospital bill (actually, I paid the bill and sent him a copy... he then wrote me a check for his half).
Basically, I pay the full bills for most everything and his support check pays me back for his half of the bill. Everything is calculated on our combined income with the idea that our child's standard of living should be based on the income of both parents combined. Some months, yeah his check covers more than half... but other months (such as Christmas when I buy all the "Santa gifts" for under the tree) it doesn't come anywhere near close. But it pretty much averages out--we both had our lawyers review it.
And for the women out there considering single dads, how do you feel about the fact that his financial means are severely hindered by his ex? Friend of mine is paying $900/month in child support for ONE child. If he marries a woman it will factor in his income and hers to come up with a new higher number each month that he pays to another woman. Money that could be used in your relationship that is instead going toward another woman.
Raising a child is expensive. $900/month child support sounds reasonable to me.
I have dated two single fathers and finance has never been an issue for us. i honestly don't believe I have really dealt with baby mom drama either.
Dating a single father can be a rewarding and a challenging experience. I was too young, naive, and not a very responsible person. I enjoyed the kids companion, but I didn't believe I had what it takes to help others raising a child. Plus, I am a happy aunt of three baby nephews. My love for my nephews and my love towards my exes' children are completely different. They are not even close.
I loved those two single fathers and they have all loved me like no others. But I don't think I could deal with a blended family because I wanted my own.
Now it is dealbreaker for me because I am 19.
But later on I would be open to it.
As long the guys has good relationship with child and no baby mama drama.
Only if they are expecting me to exclusively take care of them. Also, there can't be a lot of drama between her and the ex. All things considered, I'd be willing to make it work.
My boyfriend's daughter is a real piece of work. Almost 10 and wont sleep in her bed so I don't stay over when he has her. She is rude to him and manipulative. He's a sucker for her little tricks and when I point out her manipulation he gets insulted and claims that I ruined the day. We never have a fight unless it's something to do with her. I'm a grown woman sleeping in his bed and he has to have her sleep on the floor in the bedroom with us. Ridiculous. And all because her lowlife mother doesn't know how to train that animal they are raising. I hate it. Fat, rude and ugly + ugly behavior. If this relationship does not work out, I will never date a man with a kid again. It sucks. Total deal-breaker. Run for the hills! Just not worth it. You will have date plans that get totally ruined every time there is a shift in schedule and all of a sudden he has her and doesn't consult with you when he and the mother are making plans to switch weekends. Meanwhile you have a surprise you didnt tell him about and it gets ruined. No refund. Just do yourself a favor and try to find someone who is single in every way. NOT WORTH IT. Don't even try to pretend. I'm just hanging in there for now and trying to find ways to mitigate the problem, like not staying over when he has her. but even that annoys me. I sit home by myself just because of some brat.
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