Is it a deal breaker for you if he/she has a kid(s) already? (male, children)
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Yes. I know. I used to be before I got this thorn in my side. Obviously that is just the gist of it. I don't feel like writing an essay justifying the situation. Your sarcasm is noted.
Don't take the other comment to heart. That kid sounds like a monster. I think you're a saint for putting up with it as long as you have. A ten year-old who can't sleep in her own bedroom? Good Lord.
Easy. I don't like being around kids. That's a good reason to repel me away from a woman.
I don't like being around strangers' kids. They run around and terrorize everything and I feel like I need to keep them safe while at the same time protect myself and not offend their parents. My friends kids, however, love me and I enjoy interacting with them. I think it all comes down to experience. If you were thrust into a position where you had to take care of a toddler for a week your whole outlook would change.
I don't like being around strangers' kids. They run around and terrorize everything and I feel like I need to keep them safe while at the same time protect myself and not offend their parents. My friends kids, however, love me and I enjoy interacting with them. I think it all comes down to experience. If you were thrust into a position where you had to take care of a toddler for a week your whole outlook would change.
I highly doubt that. I wouldn't want to take care of a toddler. Kids are messy.
At 25 and childless, if I had to date again, I wouldn't mind if someone had kids. It all depends.
Everyone has a past, and kids are often a part of that. If they were a good parent, had their act together (this is a standard regardless of kids), and weren't stuck on the ex, why not? It would work out for me since I want 0-1 kids myself. The only thing that would be difficult is that raising children as a single parent often means you can't move from state to state (you want to stay close to your ex, which is understandable, especially if you have split custody). There are all sorts of circumstances, however.
Deal breaker. I won’t even consider anything other than a Friend Zone relationship with someone with kids. I have too many friends that have done this only to have to put up with the monthly visit from the Ex to spend time with the kids and the inevitable arguments that start when he shows up and then when he drops the kids off. Not my cup of tea.
Having no kids was and still is a mandatory for me to be serious with someone because I don't have kids. I am not enthused about getting into an instant family situation with someone elses kids. Lately I have been rethinking this because of the preponderance of single moms out there. For every single mom I can only assume there is a single dad unless the same dudes are knocking up all the women.
I'd like to also hear from single parents (read, both men and women) how it affects your dating life. Do your standards raise, lower, no change? Not meaning to sound harsh or insensitive but having kid(s) already is a lot to bring into a relationship with someone that doesn't have kids, IE baggage. I could see myself getting serious with a single mom that has ONE child but wants more with me, but she would need to be extra special in other areas for me to consider her with other women that do not have a child yet.
And for the women out there considering single dads, how do you feel about the fact that his financial means are severely hindered by his ex? Friend of mine is paying $900/month in child support for ONE child. If he marries a woman it will factor in his income and hers to come up with a new higher number each month that he pays to another woman. Money that could be used in your relationship that is instead going toward another woman.
For me my main preference is no kids because I have no kids. Also I want to start my own family and not have a premade made family. Most women in my area already have kids already and I think the average is like 2 kids for each single mom in my area. I have been with single moms, for some they still think life is like a party and fun like if they never had a kid before, but for some their whole lives around their kid or kids. I would prefer a single mom with one child and wants more in the future, but I don't think I can be with a woman that has 2 or more kids. Being a single mom is not looked down or frowned upon in the liberal North East unless one comes from a wealthy family. Being a mom for many even though single is a sign of entering the woman's club for majority of single moms in my neck of the wood.
Kids always come first... really that probably how it should be...... at the end of the day.
With my child, I take the philosophy of, "it depends on wants vs needs." I always place my child's needs above my own... but wants, I usually place mine first (although this doesn't mean I "never" give her, her wants).
For example. Say we both have toothaches but the dentist can only see one of us. We both "need" to see the dentist, but since only one can, she goes first. Her need, trumps my own.
Now, for wants... say my daughter wants me to stay home, but I want to go out with my boyfriend that night and we have plans. Sorry, this isn't a "need" of hers, my want trumps because I am the adult.
And of course, her needs always trump my wants. A good example is clothes... she out grows hers all the time so she tends to "need" new clothes. For the most part, if I get new clothes it's because I want them (I am not growing anymore and I don't wear them out that fast). So her need comes before my want and I make sure she has all her clothes before I spend money on myself.
Where her want might trump mine... say I promised she could have a sleepover with her friend on a weekend and my boyfriend asks me out after I made that promise. Well, it's a want situation, she doesn't "need" to have her friend sleepover, but in this case, I already made the promise.
So in a nutshell my philosophy is:
child's needs trump adult needs = child comes first
child's needs trump adult wants = child come first
adult's wants trump child's wants = child does not come first (at least, not most of the time)
These are just examples of course, but I hope they illustrate what I am saying. I think it's important that children know that wants and needs aren't the same thing. And they should know the world doesn't revolve around them and their desires. I think people who end up being spoiled or entitled grew up as a child who always came first. I also think it damages people later on when it comes to relationships when they can't figure out wants vs needs since it's always been a blur to them.
Last edited by jillabean; 10-11-2014 at 09:45 PM..
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