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He does it RIGHT now, but you want him anyway ...
Don't be so easy - stop talking to him, don't let him drive you home, turn around and walk out when he is there. That's what you should do. Otherwise he will continue with those games.
You are no friends. He is NOT your friend. Let him know you are not interested. Period.
Thanks Elnina. This is so clear. Why are things so fuzzy and hard to figure out when we're going through it?
No, he is not my friend. I did walk turn right around and walk out the other day when he was there and I was really proud of myself. I will continue to 'practice' these behaviors until he matters no more.
Yup. That's it. It bugged him that you weren't attracted to him, so he started trying to manipulate you. And it gives him a warped satisfaction that he's managed to hook you a little, and that he can keep your attention while treating you badly at the same time. It's like he's punishing you for having not been attracted to him, while still getting the satisfaction of knowing he could attract you in spite of yourself.
He's a sicko.
Wow, thanks sooo much, NewbieP. I am really very grateful for the help of everyone here. I think it's a blessing that people who are struggling with issues and can't access a counselor/therapist (even though many people online are experienced professionals -- many, even without credentials) can go online and receive quality help and compassion from strangers.
Yea, I remember him following me into a room rather aggressively a few times with a specific look on his face that clearly said: "you have the audacity not to like me?" Weird. My attraction is not as strong as it used to be, but it's still there. All I have to do now is remain consistent so that I can get him out of my system.
Wow, thanks sooo much, NewbieP. I am really very grateful for the help of everyone here. I think it's a blessing that people who are struggling with issues and can't access a counselor/therapist (even though many people online are experienced professionals -- many, even without credentials) can go online and receive quality help and compassion from strangers.
Yea, I remember him following me into a room rather aggressively a few times with a specific look on his face that clearly said: "you have the audacity not to like me?" Weird. My attraction is not as strong as it used to be, but it's still there. All I have to do now is remain consistent so that I can get him out of my system.
That, and some of the other things you've mentioned, should be a huge turn-off. If you have trouble "getting him out of your system", focus on the negative. The massive ego behind it all, the lack of empathy. He's just toying with you. You mean nothing to him, except as a source of ego-gratification.
Google "sociopaths", and read about their psychology. It's chilling. They lack the mechanism that allows us to sympathize and empathize with people. Learning more about it should cure you.
He sounds like either a sociopath or a narcissist. They're all about manipulation and games. They get off on alternately hurting people and building them up. When the person begins to feel safe, they tear them down so the game can start all over again. I wouldn't give this man the time of day if I were you.
That, and some of the other things you've mentioned, should be a huge turn-off. If you have trouble "getting him out of your system", focus on the negative. The massive ego behind it all, the lack of empathy. He's just toying with you. You mean nothing to him, except as a source of ego-gratification.
Google "sociopaths", and read about their psychology. It's chilling. They lack the mechanism that allows us to sympathize and empathize with people. Learning more about it should cure you.
Very, very interesting. I used to know the traits of sociopaths like the back of my hand, but time has passed and I forgot. Will definitely re-read however.
One more thing: speaking of ego, I remember one day he ran off from me in a hissy fit saying that he could never do anything right in my eyes (I was shocked) and another time when I won something and he got soooo upset that I basically "bigged myself up". It's like he almost had a canary. You should of seen him.
Very, very interesting. I used to know the traits of sociopaths like the back of my hand, but time has passed and I forgot. Will definitely re-read however.
One more thing: speaking of ego, I remember one day he ran off from me in a hissy fit saying that he could never do anything right in my eyes (I was shocked) and another time when I won something and he got soooo upset that I basically "bigged myself up". It's like he almost had a canary. You should of seen him.
Sounds like you've been spending too much time with this dude. And yeah, that does sound strange. Don't try to figure it out. Just write him off as a nut job.
So you don't think he's like a sociopath or anything? Such as the other poster mentioned? It's ok, and I'm not saying anyone's right or wrong, but, I just find it fascinating the extremes in opinions.
I have noticed also that he seems to shrivel up when I walk near him and immediately flushes red. *shrugs* yeah! he's definitely immature.
So quit engaging him on a personal level and limit it to strictly professional reasons to speak to him.
It appears both of you are playing some sort of game but neither actually knows the rules to the game.
I remember years ago my pastor's wife suggested I see a therapist about my inferiority complex/self-esteem issues as it relates to relationships. I laughed it off all this time but now I realize how right she was as I seem to keep attracting the same type of guy.
So this explains why you've been somewhat attracted by him, and end up being confused and unable to size the situation up. I would agree, seeing a therapist would help you get to a space eventually where you don't even notice people like this, and you make healthier choices.
This guy could just be a case of extreme immaturity, like someone else said. Either way, it's not working for you. Your natural inclination should be to walk away, but instead, you're intrigued. Because there's a little piece of neediness in you that wants the attention. Therapy can help you figure out what's at the root of the neediness, and resolve it.
So quit engaging him on a personal level and limit it to strictly professional reasons to speak to him.
It appears both of you are playing some sort of game but neither actually knows the rules to the game.
Yeah, I have to stop. It's ridiculous and just downright draining. You think I'm playing a game too?...Don't respond to that. Don't think I can handle anymore truth tonight.
Last edited by MakeLoveNotWar; 10-14-2014 at 10:55 PM..
So this explains why you've been somewhat attracted by him, and end up being confused and unable to size the situation up. I would agree, seeing a therapist would help you get to a space eventually where you don't even notice people like this, and you make healthier choices.
This guy could just be a case of extreme immaturity, like someone else said. Either way, it's not working for you. Your natural inclination should be to walk away, but instead, you're intrigued. Because there's a little piece of neediness in you that wants the attention. Therapy can help you figure out what's at the root of the neediness, and resolve it.
It's time. I don't know why I waited so long. Guess I thought this was an area of my life that would eventually iron itself out. So much for trying it my way. Guess it's time to actually see someone.
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