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I'm a 24 year old guy. Was in an LTR from 19-22, the person I was with was doing things that weren't very faithful or classy. Although I am pretty religious I did crack and have sex with that person, however I drew the line when they were into certain weird fetishes that just seemed immoral and wrong.
While I am not particularly looking for a relationship as I am in a transitional period in my life and moving across the country, I would like to get married and have children.
I'm Catholic, I don't believe in pre-marital sex or divorce. After having sex in my last relationship it opened Pandora's box in my opinion and let to it's end, I am not making that mistake again because there are more important things in life than cheap sex..
First off, I know it is going to b very hard to did someone willing to wait, because apparently that isn't cool in 2014 or whatever. I'm not a virgin, but I wish that I was because it was the biggest mistake of my life and in a perfect world the person I marry be a virgin too. However, just because of the time we live in I doubt I will find that. I am afraid to meet someone and get married because unfortunately in my generation divorce is so socially acceptable and alright that it is very likely (50%) to happen if for some reason we hit a rough patch. Due to my beliefs, even if a judge bangs a gavel and grants a divorce...I won't be divorced. So essentially if that happens when in 40 or whatever I will have to be alone for the rest of my life because touching anyone else would be adultery...
I honestly wish I was born 50 years earlier, when things like this were still important to most Americans, and I am almost afraid to even start a relationship knowing that something like what I described is possible, because it is better to not know what you're missing than to have something like a marriage and family and then be stuck in a forced state of monkhood until my "former" spouse dies and frees me up for marriage again, by which time I'll probably be 70.
I'm really thinking of permanent celibacy, I don't want to worry about this anymore. Sorry for venting.
Well of course, I do not want to stay celibate forever and live the life of a monk. However, I don't want to marry someone who could decide to divorce me for any reason and then put me in a position where I am forced to be alone. Unfortunately there is "no fault" divorce in all 50 states and the only country that bans divorce as far as I know is the Phillipines. I don't like taking risks..I feel like it is almost better to just decide to not be with anyone, rather than risk what I said earlier.
Well of course, I do not want to stay celibate forever and live the life of a monk. However, I don't want to marry someone who could decide to divorce me for any reason and then put me in a position where I am forced to be alone. Unfortunately there is "no fault" divorce in all 50 states and the only country that bans divorce as far as I know is the Phillipines. I don't like taking risks..I feel like it is almost better to just decide to not be with anyone, rather than risk what I said earlier.
Then I suggest, you not get into relationships.
You can't force anyone to love and stay with you forever.
You can't force anyone to love and stay with you forever.
Well obviously you cannot force anyone to stay in love with you, but in my religion. The Roman Catholic Church. There is not divorce regardless of love or not. You take your vows and you're in it for life regardless of how you feel, you have an obligation to provide for each other. Just in the last couple of decades is it okay to get divorced socially.
My parents aren't the happiest couple, by any means. But they stay together because it is against the rules of our faith not too, love isn't tangible nor definable but marriage is.
I would rather frankly be in a loveless marriage where I am not alone, than be in a marriage that is good and then it ends and whilst the other person goes and flouts around I have to stay true to my religion and never have sex again basically, and be alone for all my life.
There is of course risk in love, but there shouldn't be a risk in marriage. Till death do us part...that means nothing anymore and frankly I wish I was born 100 + years ago when things were still sacred to people.
My parents aren't the happiest couple, by any means. But they stay together because it is against the rules of our faith not too, love isn't tangible nor definable but marriage is.
I would rather frankly be in a loveless marriage where I am not alone, than be in a marriage that is good and then it ends and whilst the other person goes and flouts around I have to stay true to my religion and never have sex again basically, and be alone for all my life.
There is of course risk in love, but there shouldn't be a risk in marriage. Till death do us part...that means nothing anymore and frankly I wish I was born 100 + years ago when things were still sacred to people.
Though you prefer the idea of things "having been sacred", sadly there have always existed couples who experience continual spousal abuse or such a lack of love and respect. Traditionally, many would stay together for the sake of children, though there may be nothing between them. I cannot imagine anything being more empty or non-productive to live based upon rules of what a religion dictates. Life and relationships are difficult enough without the added pressure to remain in a negative situation, though I am not suggesting that people take marriage lightly in the first place.
I realize you want to do what you have been conditioned to believe, though unfortunately, it feels very unrealistic and not beneficial to those who follow this mindset. You are young, maybe you will view things differently with experience or actually end up in one of those rare relationships with mutual respect and equality.
Well obviously you cannot force anyone to stay in love with you, but in my religion. The Roman Catholic Church. There is not divorce regardless of love or not. You take your vows and you're in it for life regardless of how you feel, you have an obligation to provide for each other. Just in the last couple of decades is it okay to get divorced socially.
My parents aren't the happiest couple, by any means. But they stay together because it is against the rules of our faith not too, love isn't tangible nor definable but marriage is.
Quote:
I would rather frankly be in a loveless marriage where I am not alone, than be in a marriage that is good and then it ends and whilst the other person goes and flouts around I have to stay true to my religion and never have sex again basically, and be alone for all my life.
There is of course risk in love, but there shouldn't be a risk in marriage. Till death do us part...that means nothing anymore and frankly I wish I was born 100 + years ago when things were still sacred to people.
Go find somebody in your parish who shares the same values as you do then.
Courage is the foundation of happiness, and self-doubt doesn't make your life better.
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