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I understand that emotional cheating is cheating regardless. My marriage has been in shambles long before this. My husband has done his fair share of talking to his exes, or talking to other women, hanging out with female co -workers. All the while I either denied it or accepted it .
As far as I know, hehas never actually physically cheated but wanting to knw how exes were doing and actually calling one up , I'd say that was emotionally cheating too.
I'm not saying this to justify anything or to shift blame or to look for sympathy. I didn't know that talking to this guy for the past year would develop into this crush, I mean, i have genuine feelings for this guy. I never chased him or threw myself at him. We would just have these deep conversations about everything under the sun -and moon and in the process, feelings developed.
Maybe I live under a shell, but I dont really have these deep.conversations thru text or Skype that would go on thru the night. With everyone of my friends. He, he was different.
I'm not ashamed of myself to have these feelings for him. Maybe if I was married to a really nice guy i would feel guilty or ashamed. I don't feel ashamed or guilty or any negative feeling one should feel for letting myself like this guy.
It happens. Its human nature. I have a huge disconnect with my husband and this guy filled a void. I feel bad that my crush may think he was dispensable..and therefore ignoring me or whatever he is doing with these unread messages. in the past 4 months i sent him 3 messages. im not chasing after him. I never told him i like him nor did he tell me. in this case our actions spoke for themselves.
But this has been an eye opener that theres a tremendous void in my life.
thank you to all who replied.
My husband talks to his ex wife all the time and their children are grown and have their own families so there is no "child" discussions to be had. He still cares for her, she is the Mother of his children, she still cares for him, they were married for almost 20 years.
My brother in laws still talk to their ex wives, they still care for each other, they were married for a long time, they are the Mother of their grown children.
So what exactly is your point about him talking to an ex?
It is NOT the nature of ALL humans to become smitten with someone they have never met that is an old school friend of their husband's that they are smitten with.
You did state a couple times that this guy is the "male version of you"...........so if he really is the male version of you and you are cheating on your husband what exactly does that make him?
Your marriage being disconnected is the fault of both you and your husband and for the third time I will stress and advise you to put as much effort into fixing your current marriage with your current husband as you have put into this perfect fantasy faux non boyfriend or get out of your current marriage legally.
seriously, what am i not getting? the fact that im still a lil dumbfounded as to why me and my crush arent speaking when the real bigger picture is that im married. that i get, i understand that. and yes i understand that I should put more interest in my marriage than i do my crush.
its just that, well after all this, i clearly see that theres a void in my marriage that my husband cant fill. My husband has a completely different personality , points of views, interests all that. I used to think that maybe all marriages sucked and thats just the way it is.
I had a real connection with this guy, he even said it too that hes never held interest or conversations this long with anyone, including girlfriends... and i do miss talking with him. thats all/
I had a real connection with this guy, he even said it too that hes never held interest or conversations this long with anyone, including girlfriends... and i do miss talking with him. thats all/
This way of thinking will just get you in another marriage you will eventually find unfulfilling. Your over romanticizing some guy you've never even met.
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I don't want to ask y hes not talking to me either or why he has read the messages I have sent ,then marks the.m unread. very strange coming from him but at the same time I respect his space because it looks like that's what he wants. the answer my friends told me to that was that, "if i see them read, and no response, i might think he doesnt want to talk to me anymore, but hes pushing u away because he likes u, and will get back to me when he feels ready" who knows.
I would not listen to this friend.
He's just not that into you. When a man wants you, you KNOW it. Something changed for him. No one "blocks" anyone by accident. You have to click, like, 4 times to do it. It's intentional. He wanted to do something without you knowing.
How do you KNOW he doesn't have a GF?
The other thing I noticed is that you REALLY keep track of his online behavior. Maybe he started out the online flirtation because he thought you were safe since you are MARRIED, but then quickly felt that your attention was smothering. He didn't want to actually move this affair into real life because that is hella pressure.
I have never known a man who uses the "can't have a GF right now" line to be genuine. No, wait, med students. They mean that when they say it. Anyone else who uses it really is just putting you off.
Last edited by BirdieBelle; 01-11-2015 at 04:34 PM..
Reason: one more thing
I'm not really tracking his online behavior, we are friends on social media sites and we do interact on each others tumblr posts or other social media sites.
We have mutual friends and there always telling him to get a girlfriend And to that he says "no, I need to focus. " He will compliment me in a picture, like or comment in a status quite often, even offer help if im asking how to fix something (hes super handy) just stuff like that.. And i will comment on a status he posted.. So there is communication.
The reason why I know he sees the messages I had sent him is because when I'm texting other friends, on the convo list, there's a check next to his name meaning he seen it. But then a few days later I'll notice that check is no longer there.
I'm not really tracking his online behavior, we are friends on social media sites and we do interact on each others tumblr posts or other social media sites.
We have mutual friends and there always telling him to get a girlfriend And to that he says "no, I need to focus. " He will compliment me in a picture, like or comment in a status quite often, even offer help if im asking how to fix something (hes super handy) just stuff like that.. And i will comment on a status he posted.. So there is communication.
The reason why I know he sees the messages I had sent him is because when I'm texting other friends, on the convo list, there's a check next to his name meaning he seen it. But then a few days later I'll notice that check is no longer there.
I believe what you are NOT getting or refusing to acknowledge is that you are so focused on why this guy is not doing whatever it is you think he should be doing, checking social media sites, etc. etc. etc.
INSTEAD OF>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> putting effort into fixing your marriage.
You keep writing "I get it, I understand, I shouldn't blah blah blah" but you don't get it.
Talk is free actions have a cost attached to them and those actions are self acknowledgement that you have failed in your marriage as much as your husband has.
So instead of acknowledging this failure you have latched on to someone who is not really real to you since you have never met in real life. Anyway, you have latched onto someone who is a fantasy created by his written words (remember that free talk I mentioned). You DO NOT GET anything but more desperate sounding with each post.
The thing is, it is all your choice to do something or nothing so carry on with all of your fantasy land non boyfriend boyfriend justifications and I do wish you all you deserve in your lifetime.
You don't get the fact you're cheating on your husband and being a complete twit about this guy you've never met. You don't the fact that you need to physically, emotionally and legally separate from your husband before you start a new relationship. You don't get the fact you're being a duplicitous woman and you don't get the fact this isn't ok at all.
How can I put effort into a marriage? In a marriage that my husband always thinks he's right, or we will argue and make up.. Or we say ok let's not fight anymore and we do. Its very frustrating.
This "crush" of mine was a friend (even though it was online) before I started catching feelings. I guess what made it different is that we all have mutual friends. Now I have guy friends too. And the catching feelings part is because of that void I have from my marriage. Because my marriage sucks. My husband changes his mood all the time.
I don't like walking on eggshells in the sense that I have to wonder what mood he's in or whatever. Its super frustrating and annoying.
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