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So, this thread started out about a guy who asked how many guys the OP has slept with before even meeting her - and it ends up with a bunch of guys sl*t shaming. Lovely.
The guy's question was rude, inappropriate and downright odd. I agree with that much.
The N count discussion came after someone bleated "the number doesn't matter anyway!!!1!!11!!!"
It does matter, and the rest of the tangent was regarding WHY it matters.
I'm sorry, but people don't cheat because someone made them. They cheat because they want to. It speaks more about the cheater than the cheated.
And again, we are getting off topic.
I agree that people cheat, because they want to cheat. Yet, if I'm a man that has had 5 relationships with 5 women with different personalities, and they all cheated on me, than I have to start looking in the mirror. That's why statistics are around, because they don't lie.
No need to show me your White Knight bona fides. They show loud and clear.
Ah, the tried and tested "white knight" accusations. Predictable and often a sign of intellectual laziness or ineptitude. When confronted by a guy whose opinion does not align to yours you hurdle this insult, likely the most powerful in your arsenal, and dismiss the possibility they may have a legitimate argument. Fair enough, critical thought isn't for everyone.
The guy's question was rude, inappropriate and downright odd. I agree with that much.
The N count discussion came after someone bleated "the number doesn't matter anyway!!!1!!11!!!"
It does matter, and the rest of the tangent was regarding WHY it matters.
It doesn't seem that off-base to me.
There was no prompting for the count discussion. Post 30 brought up why a guy might want to know, but that still has no bearing since we are talking about a guy that asked about past partners prior to even meeting the OP.
This is besides the point you guys. I am NOT promiscuous. I will be twenty-four this year and have only been with ONE person. I could have been with zero or one thousand. I would have still found it offensive that some strange man would ask a question within a few minutes of chatting online.
No one is saying that you are. We're just explaining male behavior and the why he asked.
Don't take it the wrong way, but you've been married for a decade, so your perception is going to be a lot different than a guy who is currently in the dating market. I don't ask that question myself, but its mostly because I can discern this information without having to verbalize it. Most men can. Its an important factor for men who are in the dating market and its never going to change. It is instinctual, not decision based.
I'll grant you my perspective has likely changed since the years I've been married. I'd argue they have only reinforced and validated my mentality during my dating years. While I can see why a high number count may be a cause for concern to some guys, I refused to worry about something I could not change or control. Further, I knew I was no angel myself, so I was in no position to object to my partners' past either. Hence for me it was decision based. Instinct can be a powerful thing, but if we cannot control it with reason and logic we are little more than animals.
Ah, the tried and tested "white knight" accusations. Predictable and often a sign of intellectual laziness or ineptitude. When confronted by a guy whose opinion does not align to yours you hurdle this insult, likely the most powerful in your arsenal, and dismiss the possibility they may have a legitimate argument. Fair enough, critical thought isn't for everyone.
If you read above, I noted that your situation is different. You married younger, where the N count question isn't nearly as important.
The implications for a guy dating right now, as a 30+ single, is far more relevant. Frankly, I don't want a woman who's been out sowing her oats for the past 10 years and now wants to snag a "nice, stable" guy who looks like a better bet now that she's ready to settle down and Chad Thunderstick isn't interested.
I do not remember ever asking anyone their number. Particularly early in dating or when online dating, before going on a date. It just seems rude and inappropriate to ask at that point and even if it is important to the guy (it was not to me), it also seems like putting the cart well before the horse as far as learning whether it is someone I wanted to date or pursue.
Clearly from this forum, number is important to some guys, but it seems a small minority of them. Likely it was important to the guy the OP was chatting with. Anyone insulted by the question or behavior is best to move on, regardless of whether they are embarrassed or not to reply.
The funny thing is that I have asked guys what their number was before. This was when I was really young and we were thinking about having sex. I was really afraid of STD's - even though we always used protection when I wasn't in a monogamous relationship. But this was after we were dating or at least had gotten to the point of intimacy. If I were single now, I wouldn't care. I'd use protection but I wouldn't need to know how many people the guy had been with. I've never been attracted to players so I'm not really concerned that that would be an issue. And I NEVER would have asked someone before I had even met them. Like I said, the only reason that I asked the few guys I asked was because I was a bit skittish. But if some guy I had never even met asked me this while we were talking online - that would be the end of our conversation.
I do not remember ever asking anyone their number. Particularly early in dating or when online dating, before going on a date. It just seems rude and inappropriate to ask at that point and even if it is important to the guy (it was not to me), it also seems like putting the cart well before the horse as far as learning whether it is someone I wanted to date or pursue.
Clearly from this forum, number is important to some guys, but it seems a small minority of them. Likely it was important to the guy the OP was chatting with. Anyone insulted by the question or behavior is best to move on, regardless of whether they are embarrassed or not to reply.
This is true. I'll reiterate to the OP I wouldn't worry too much about this boy. He clearly is insecure. This is a very good weeding-out process for women though. Guys who pull this are not worth a second of your time.
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