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I'm okay with a committed and monogamous relationship, preferably without cohabitation.
That really depends on the quality of the relationship and how much time you spend together. If it's what I call a W&W relationship (you spend weekends and Wednesdays together), you live relatively close to each other, you take vacations together, you know that you are each other's top priority and have each other's backs, and you weave each other into your lives through little things like joining clubs together, sharing a Netflix account, etc., then it could work.
But if it evolves into what my last long one did, where you only see each other once or twice a week and more often than not, one of you goes home at the end of the date (instead of sleeping over), it's going to be boring as all hell for most women, and after a few years, she's going to distance herself from you emotionally because she's not going to see much worth sacrificing her freedom for--especially if you expect her to be there for all the responsibilities of a more solid relationship, like dealing with your family's quirks, befriending your buddies' wives and girlfriends, attending weddings and funerals with you, standing by you when the chips are down, or taking care of you when you are ill or recovering from an accident or injury. She'll come to resent being held to the standards and expectations of being your "other half" when she's really only your other one-seventh unless there's some kind of event where you need her.
You don't have to live together, but if you want love to survive, you'll have to entwine. A significant other has to have significance every day.
That really depends on the quality of the relationship and how much time you spend together. If it's what I call a W&W relationship (you spend weekends and Wednesdays together), you live relatively close to each other, you take vacations together, you know that you are each other's top priority and have each other's backs, and you weave each other into your lives through little things like joining clubs together, sharing a Netflix account, etc., then it could work.
But if it evolves into what my last long one did, where you only see each other once or twice a week and more often than not, one of you goes home at the end of the date (instead of sleeping over), it's going to be boring as all hell for most women, and after a few years, she's going to distance herself from you emotionally because she's not going to see much worth sacrificing her freedom for--especially if you expect her to be there for all the responsibilities of a more solid relationship, like dealing with your family's quirks, befriending your buddies' wives and girlfriends, attending weddings and funerals with you, standing by you when the chips are down, or taking care of you when you are ill or recovering from an accident or injury. She'll come to resent being held to the standards and expectations of being your "other half" when she's really only your other one-seventh unless there's some kind of event where you need her.
You don't have to live together, but if you want love to survive, you'll have to entwine. A significant other has to have significance every day.
Agreed.
Otherwise, it's NOT a committed relationship that you want, it's casual dating with occasional sex. OP defined what he wanted as a "committed relationship," so he needs to make sure that what he's actually looking for is something a partner would consider to be a committed relationship. There are definitely people who aren't going to look at a scenario that involves, "Well, I do my thing, and see you when I want to, possibly sporadically, and I don't want to ever live together," and say, "Yeah, not my idea of a committed relationship." You might find women on the same page, but it will be much more rare, and accordingly, much harder to find.
Otherwise, it's NOT a committed relationship that you want, it's casual dating with occasional sex. OP defined what he wanted as a "committed relationship," so he needs to make sure that what he's actually looking for is something a partner would consider to be a committed relationship. There are definitely people who aren't going to look at a scenario that involves, "Well, I do my thing, and see you when I want to, possibly sporadically, and I don't want to ever live together," and say, "Yeah, not my idea of a committed relationship." You might find women on the same page, but it will be much more rare, and accordingly, much harder to find.
Which sounds more like a "Friends with Benefits Plus" plan than a committed relationship. There might be women out there who want something like that, but for women who don't want to be permanently kept at arm's length, there's not much in it for them.
That really depends on the quality of the relationship and how much time you spend together. If it's what I call a W&W relationship (you spend weekends and Wednesdays together), you live relatively close to each other, you take vacations together, you know that you are each other's top priority and have each other's backs, and you weave each other into your lives through little things like joining clubs together, sharing a Netflix account, etc., then it could work.
But if it evolves into what my last long one did, where you only see each other once or twice a week and more often than not, one of you goes home at the end of the date (instead of sleeping over), it's going to be boring as all hell for most women, and after a few years, she's going to distance herself from you emotionally because she's not going to see much worth sacrificing her freedom for--especially if you expect her to be there for all the responsibilities of a more solid relationship, like dealing with your family's quirks, befriending your buddies' wives and girlfriends, attending weddings and funerals with you, standing by you when the chips are down, or taking care of you when you are ill or recovering from an accident or injury. She'll come to resent being held to the standards and expectations of being your "other half" when she's really only your other one-seventh unless there's some kind of event where you need her.
You don't have to live together, but if you want love to survive, you'll have to entwine. A significant other has to have significance every day.
I agree with what you wrote. I'll add that I wonder if even having separate housing is a good idea or not. This discussion has come up here before.
I'm all in, I wouldn't want to live on my own and be married. I guess it works for some, just because you live together doesn't mean you are attached at the hip.
I get sometimes people have their own ways of living and sometimes want their own space.
I guess it would just be odd to spend time with your significant other and at the end of the day it would be like, "Well, I'll see you, I'm going home now" it just has a cold feel to me.... IDK....YMMV.
Which sounds more like a "Friends with Benefits Plus" plan than a committed relationship. There might be women out there who want something like that, but for women who don't want to be permanently kept at arm's length, there's not much in it for them.
I think for the women who want this, they don't want it for long. Once their feelings get involved and they're not getting what they want, they'll leave the situation all together. Some women have been hurt so much and let down, that they're extremely gun shy to put themselves back out on the market seriously. Men do this as well as women, they set lofty standards that no one can meet so they can protect their hearts too.
At the same time, no one can question that motive either. You have to be respectful of another person's feelings, even if that person's feelings aren't on the same page as your own.
I agree with what you wrote. I'll add that I wonder if even having separate housing is a good idea or not. This discussion has come up here before.
I'm all in, I wouldn't want to live on my own and be married. I guess it works for some, just because you live together doesn't mean you are attached at the hip.
I get sometimes people have their own ways of living and sometimes want their own space.
I guess it would just be odd to spend time with your significant other and at the end of the day it would be like, "Well, I'll see you, I'm going home now" it just has a cold feel to me.... IDK....YMMV.
I agree with you and that's the side of dating I haven't liked in the last two years. I used to be very territorial, until I realized at 29 that I was turning off a lot of women by not spending the night with them or vice versa. Now, I've stumbled into the other problem. Women haven't wanted to spend the night at my place, or really even have me spend the night at their place. They've even mentioned that they're really territorial about their space.
How does a woman and man pair up if they decide they can't sleep in the same bed with each other? It's why I live in my cheap apartment, because most women I meet already have a duplex or a house. If we move forward, I would either move in with them or we would decide to move into something together. My place is disposable, while theirs is not, because most women I've dated lately have been single parents.
I guess you can say I'm at a loss of how a connection truly forms anymore. Some of the stuff that has been brought to my attention seems a bit petty and juvenile. Sometimes it seems as two people who have potential to work are too afraid to let their guard down and take a risk. It's like everyone is dating and looking for a unicorn.
I agree with you and that's the side of dating I haven't liked in the last two years. I used to be very territorial, until I realized at 29 that I was turning off a lot of women by not spending the night with them or vice versa. Now, I've stumbled into the other problem. Women haven't wanted to spend the night at my place, or really even have me spend the night at their place. They've even mentioned that they're really territorial about their space.
How does a woman and man pair up if they decide they can't sleep in the same bed with each other? It's why I live in my cheap apartment, because most women I meet already have a duplex or a house. If we move forward, I would either move in with them or we would decide to move into something together. My place is disposable, while theirs is not, because most women I've dated lately have been single parents.
I guess you can say I'm at a loss of how a connection truly forms anymore. Some of the stuff that has been brought to my attention seems a bit petty and juvenile. Sometimes it seems as two people who have potential to work are too afraid to let their guard down and take a risk. It's like everyone is dating and looking for a unicorn.
The dating world sucks.... I'm glad I'm not out there.... things seem too complicated.....
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by weezerfan84
How does a woman and man pair up if they decide they can't sleep in the same bed with each other? It's why I live in my cheap apartment, because most women I meet already have a duplex or a house. If we move forward, I would either move in with them or we would decide to move into something together. My place is disposable, while theirs is not, because most women I've dated lately have been single parents.
Might not work for you (or apply to you), but in my early 30s I had a former lover who became a friend (she still is), really provide me some constructive feedback (I didn't solicit it) on my apartment decorating style. There were things I never considered that turned women off (I later asked other women that came into my life about about it, and they almost all agreed). You might consider doing the same. None of the changes fundamentally changed the space from my space, but it made it more welcoming.
One example was that I was used to small bedrooms or studios, and I had gotten into the habit of putting the bed against the wall, so you got in and out at the end or on one side. The other side was against the wall. This, it seemed, visually and vibe wise turned women off as she said it leads to women feeling a bit trapped (which was odd to me since I usually slept on the inner side). So, I changed the layout so there is room to get in and out on both sides. This seemed to help.
Again, you're probably way beyond this, but its just a thought.
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