Boyfriend of 4.5 years doesn't want kids and I do!

[strawberrykiki]

I think it depends on how set you are on having kids and how strongly you feel your boyfriend is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you've always dreamed of being a mother and having a family, then I don't think any guy no matter how wonderful he is is going to be worth giving that up for. But, if you're just on the fence and you have a loving fulfilling relationship with your boyfriend and otherwise have the same future goals (if you both want to get married or not), then maybe it would be worth it. Only you can really decide that.

I see a few red flags in your post though. You should NEVER stay with someone because you have low self esteem. Is he really the love of your life, or are you just afraid you'll never find anyone else? There's a huge difference. You seem to want to get married even if you don't have any kids. He SAYS he wants to get married, but seems to be dragging his feet. The job thing just seems like an excuse to me. It's not like you guys are 18 out of high school.

I think you need to have a serious talk with him and lay all your cards on the table. Tell him exactly what you want for the future and what you need from him to be happy. There's no point wasting another 4.5 years if you guys aren't on the same page. You could leave now and find someone who wants to get married and have a family. This is a tough situation, but the only thing I can say for sure is please don't stay out of fear of being alone/not finding anyone else. It's much better to be alone than with the wrong person. And while you're stuck with the wrong person you will most certainly miss the right one!

[Ruth4Truth]

Originally Posted by strawberrykiki

I think it depends on how set you are on having kids and how strongly you feel your boyfriend is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. If you've always dreamed of being a mother and having a family, then I don't think any guy no matter how wonderful he is is going to be worth giving that up for. But, if you're just on the fence and you have a loving fulfilling relationship with your boyfriend and otherwise have the same future goals (if you both want to get married or not), then maybe it would be worth it. Only you can really decide that.

I see a few red flags in your post though. You should NEVER stay with someone because you have low self esteem. Is he really the love of your life, or are you just afraid you'll never find anyone else? There's a huge difference. You seem to want to get married even if you don't have any kids. He SAYS he wants to get married, but seems to be dragging his feet. The job thing just seems like an excuse to me. It's not like you guys are 18 out of high school.

This. But there's also the fact that the OP, herself, isn't even sure she wants kids or can tolerate kids. She's expressed doubt on that score. So the whole issue is a bit theoretical at this point.

Even if she decides she doesn't want kids, that doesn't mean that the guy she's with is right for her. I don't think he's honest, and he's not as into marriage as he's lead her to believe. I think the OP needs to work on her self-esteem issues so she can make better choices for herself, and so she'll be better able to see through people when they lead her on.