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I typically don't say, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," because people can and do curb their behavior if they have sufficient incentive to do so.
But I do strongly believe that people who've been proven to be untrustworthy can't, in the future, be fully trusted. Maybe they WILL never cheat again. But I don't know that, and so why would I stake my life and happiness on the "maybes" of a known liar? Even if they do, indeed, never cheat or lie again, trust is gone, and that's the bottom line.
I have known people who have been "players" who have met someone they wanted to spend their life with, and settled down and stopped playing. They have incentive to; they have someone they love. This situation isnt that way. This guy will keep playing until, or if, he finds someone he wants to settle down with. If ever. Its not the OP.
Just say no, unless you put your fear of losing him above your personal relationship boundaries. In that case, I don't think you will end up happy about that decision.
The person who loves another does not seek something else. You are young, you will find someone who does not look someone else but you are the best that he ever is able to find.
You met him at 19 and I understand your attachment. But he is not good for you! Listen to the other posters. A good, decent guy does not need to mess with other women to get it out of his system. He stays faithful to his girlfriend or he breaks up with her if he can't.
He already lied to you. Don't give him the chance to do so again. Stand up for you. He has done you a favor- taught you how you will not be treated.
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Originally Posted by NewbiePoster;
You're very attached to him? Detach. You're attached to the wrong guy. I hope this isn't a pattern--forming unhealthy attachments.
These. (And so many others, here.) OP, he's not ready for a committed relationship, obviously. That's not going to change. So let him go, to do his thing, while you look for someone who's 100% in to you. Don't let people mistreat you this way. You deserve much better.
I have been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years and we have been friends for a year before that. He is 28 years old and I am 22 years old if that matters. I found his OkCupid account on his computer and he has been hitting on other girls. He claims he hasn't had sex or cheated on me but he lied about what he was doing on the account. He claims he has urges to have sex with other people but loves me. He claims that this is a need and that it is a deal breaker for us if I don't agree to those terms. I feel uncomfortable with him sleeping with other girls as he is not very good at communicating and he is very selfish at times. I need help making up my mind as I see him tomorrow here are my three options on how things will go.
1. we break up but I think I would have to cut him out of my life completely but please note I am very attached to him.
2. we take a break for a month and get back together and get it out of his system.
3. We remain monogamous. I agree to his terms but I probably won't be very happy about this arrangement and if we do this in the long term I want to be monogamous later.
If anyone can think of a middle ground that would be great. I don't want to lose him but I don't want to compromise myself for him.
Actually he doesn't really want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you either.
Get out while you can this is never going to be a good situation.
PS ~~ It will more than likely never "get out of his system", he is using you, controlling you and you are allowing it and trying to think of ways to keep him....blech
I have been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years and we have been friends for a year before that. He is 28 years old and I am 22 years old if that matters. I found his OkCupid account on his computer and he has been hitting on other girls. He claims he hasn't had sex or cheated on me but he lied about what he was doing on the account. He claims he has urges to have sex with other people but loves me. He claims that this is a need and that it is a deal breaker for us if I don't agree to those terms. I feel uncomfortable with him sleeping with other girls as he is not very good at communicating and he is very selfish at times. I need help making up my mind as I see him tomorrow here are my three options on how things will go.
1. we break up but I think I would have to cut him out of my life completely but please note I am very attached to him.
2. we take a break for a month and get back together and get it out of his system.
3. We remain monogamous. I agree to his terms but I probably won't be very happy about this arrangement and if we do this in the long term I want to be monogamous later.
If anyone can think of a middle ground that would be great. I don't want to lose him but I don't want to compromise myself for him.
Break it off. This is no way to enter into a long term relationship....and I think he has likely already been involved with other's....Proof of that is you "found" his profile on this dating site....He didn't sit down and have an honest discussion with you in the 2 years you've been together.
You, my young lady, need to dump this guy yesterday!
He's selfish, self centered, and does NOT have your best interests in mind when he makes these 'demands'...
He won't call them demands - and he's got you so hypnotized that YOU won't call them demands, but they ARE demands!
He's demanding that you allow him to sleep with whomever he wants and still have you... THAT'S BOGUS!
Go find a good guy to hook up with who will be honest, open, loving, caring and into YOU and only YOU and YOU'LL BE HAPPY! You'll never find happiness with a douchebag like the one you're 'attached' to... detach yourself IMMEDIATELY!
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