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He opened an account to look for other women behind your back! I am not sure you can even believe him that he hasn't done anything yet. He would have just carried along behind your back if you hadn't found the account. I can tell from your post there is no way you'll be happy in an open relationship. You might be attached to him now, but trust me when you find someone who treats you how you deserve you will wonder why you ever even considered accepting this ridiculous proposal.
Or he just might be polyamorous, like myself. Not everybody has an old fashioned mentality, I love how people just condemn anything different when it comes to relationship choices.
I 'would' agree with you on that (I'm not Poly, but I don't have a problem with it), but the guy lied about it. No matter what your into, that's your business. But you have to be truthful about it. I think the guy is a d-bag based on the way he conducted himself. Not on his personal choices.
The poly people I know are all ethical about it. In most cases, more-so than people I know in the strait world.
To the OP:
You can't trust this guy, he already went behind your back and lied.
You don't want the same kind of relationship; there is no compromise. He was not honest with you, you caught him, and this is response. Time to address the attachment to someone who doesn't want the same things you want, and who lied to you and will in all likelihood lie to you again. You won't be happy with this person.
Or he just might be polyamorous, like myself. Not everybody has an old fashioned mentality, I love how people just condemn anything different when it comes to relationship choices.
Meh, he's dishonest, and she's not polyamorous (giving the benefit of the doubt, and assuming he's actually polyamorous, and not just a guy who wants to have sex with whomever, whenever as the urge strikes while enjoying the other benefits of having a FT girlfriend).
He needs to be in a relationship with somebody who is oriented to and desiring of the same type of relationship he is, as does she. They are wasting time with one another.
This isn't about "Oh, these awful people who condemn different choices." It's about finding people who are compatible with you. Someone who wants a polyamorous lifestyle isn't compatible in the relationship department with somebody who doesn't.
Or are you suggesting that she should somehow change what SHE wants to be more in line with what he wants? Or is he somehow condemning her different wants?
There is no middle ground. You need to face the truth. You are not "the one". Why are you attached to a liar? Is that what you want for yourself? Don't you deserve better? Now that you know more about his character don't you find him to be less attractive? Don't change who you are to satisfy HIS needs. You will be putting your health at risk not to mention your emotional well being. I guarantee at this point nothing he says you can trust.
Please realize that what may seem heartbreaking now is really a blessing. There is a better man out there for you. Cut ties. He does not feel for you what you feel for him. I have been heartbroken but then would meet someone better. Then I met the man I eventually married. Thank God I had my heartbroken or else I would not have met this man. I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU CAN LEAVE AND WILL BE OKAY. It takes time to heal but you will.
i suspect this is a standard relationship for her so she thinks its normal
read this again:
2. we take a break for a month and get back together and get it out of his system.
3. We remain monogamous. I agree to his terms but I probably won't be very happy about this arrangement and if we do this in the long term I want to be monogamous later.
#2 is straight naivete
#3 doesnt even make sense...how does one remain monogamous if you "agree to terms"
It means she remains monogamous and he gets to stray.
Or he just might be polyamorous, like myself. Not everybody has an old fashioned mentality, I love how people just condemn anything different when it comes to relationship choices.
Nothing wrong with polyamory except not telling people about it before you get into a long-term relationship that the other person believes is monogamous.
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I'm a loyal polygamist.. I like my selected few and we all know about each other yet stay within our group so that no STDs are contracted.
Your boyfriend is going to cheat anyway and probably already has... he's young, horny and wants to experience more in life. If you're not okay with this, leave him and move on. Even if he backs down and agrees to be monogamous with you, HE WILL BE CHEATING behind your back. Whether you want to acknowledge that or not, it will happen. Be real.. swallow your tears and move on if you don't like the arrangement.
Even then, if he brought it up well into the relationship it's a hell of a lot more respectful than just going behind her back. There's a very fine between polyamory and just wanting to bang a bunch of other people, and how a person broaches the possibility says a lot about their character. Even if the other person isn't okay with it, at the very least they should be given the change to accept or reject.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RedZin
Nothing wrong with polyamory except not telling people about it before you get into a long-term relationship that the other person believes is monogamous.
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