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Not sure that I see how polyamory is moral or amoral. If everyone is making an informed choice, morality doesn't really factor. However, polyamory isn't complicated because of morality, it is complicated because emotions are complex, and humans tend towards jealousy.
I've said it before, but I think those who are experimenting with polyamory (without a religious motiviation of some kind) will not have relationship that last any longer than those of us who don't.
like most guys on dating sites, I don't get a ton of inbox mail, but in recent years I do get more unsolicited mail than I used to, sady a trend has popped up where I have been contacted by women who already have a boyfriend/husband but are in an open relationship and are seeking a 3rd or fourth wheel in their arrangement. and not even just online. I have been approached in bars, at the store etc etc....
its kind of a blow to my self image because I can't seem to find a one on one relationship to save my life, but it seems I'm ok for a boyfriend #2. in fact a week ago I wasted 3 hours having a great conversation with a very attractive woman only to find out that she was poly-amorous and I would have to meet her boyfriend at least once and that her, her boyfriend and his other girlfriend live in the same house.
I politely told her i was not interested, and she gave me her business card in case I opened my mind.
And thats not the first time something like that happened? someone who is otherwise a great match but does not believe in monogamy.
I mean to me it would be hard to feel special if my girlfriend was crawling into some other guys bed on mondays wendays and fridays.
OP, if you want to be involved in this kind of relationship, do NOT be the second guy. It seems like many of these relationships develop that way because women have a far easier time attracting men than visa versa.
If you're going to do something this, YOU need to be the alpha and have multiple women. They commit to you and you see multiple women. I had a friend that did this and he was very happy. Although it seemed like too much work to me and was not intimate enough, it worked well for him.
I think it is strange that people would seek open relationships on a dating site that is geared towards people finding possible husbands/wives. Seems a bit of a waste of time, disingenuous, and possibly harmful. If they are truly in open relationships (which I doubt) they are fishing the wrong pond.
Dating sites are sketchy to begin with. Mostly the bottom-feeders of society. So I'd imagine that the sample size of poly-inclined people are far more on these sites than one with a respectable job and respectable hobbies would encounter IRL.
When looking at numbers, overall, I would be really surprised if it is in fact, actually "so many" people (depending, of course, on one's definition of what constitutes "so many").
Not sure that I see how polyamory is moral or amoral. If everyone is making an informed choice, morality doesn't really factor. However, polyamory isn't complicated because of morality, it is complicated because emotions are complex, and humans tend towards jealousy.
I've said it before, but I think those who are experimenting with polyamory (without a religious motiviation of some kind) will not have relationship that last any longer than those of us who don't.
Agreed. The couples I know where I'm aware that this is their practice seem to have the same sorts of relationship issues as the traditionally monogamous couples. Human nature is human nature.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Akonyo
Dating sites are sketchy to begin with. Mostly the bottom-feeders of society. So I'd imagine that the sample size of poly-inclined people are far more on these sites than one with a respectable job and respectable hobbies would encounter IRL.
You must just be looking at POF or something. I've met doctors, lawyers, and ivy league professors, among others, on OLD dating sites. Cute, traveled, and fun ones at that. Hardly bottom of society people.
like most guys on dating sites, I don't get a ton of inbox mail, but in recent years I do get more unsolicited mail than I used to, sady a trend has popped up where I have been contacted by women who already have a boyfriend/husband but are in an open relationship and are seeking a 3rd or fourth wheel in their arrangement. and not even just online. I have been approached in bars, at the store etc etc....
its kind of a blow to my self image because I can't seem to find a one on one relationship to save my life, but it seems I'm ok for a boyfriend #2. in fact a week ago I wasted 3 hours having a great conversation with a very attractive woman only to find out that she was poly-amorous and I would have to meet her boyfriend at least once and that her, her boyfriend and his other girlfriend live in the same house.
I politely told her i was not interested, and she gave me her business card in case I opened my mind.
And thats not the first time something like that happened? someone who is otherwise a great match but does not believe in monogamy.
I mean to me it would be hard to feel special if my girlfriend was crawling into some other guys bed on mondays wendays and fridays.
See here's the thing....
I won't waste my time on someone who's out hooking up w/
whoever happens to pique his interest that day (or night)
Focus on what kind of relationship you want-
don't waste your time on people who don't know the meaning of monogamy......
I could care less what everyone else is doing.
Being promiscuous & unfaithful is the trend these days......
But I've never been a follower.
I'm not about to start now.
There is a lot of misinformation and incorrect stereotypes/stigmas being perpetuated here....
oh well...
I'm certainly don't consider myself amoral, bottom-feeder of society, etc... I have a six figure job as a professional and consider myself a respectable member of society. When in a relationship, I was committed to my girlfriend (as defined by us as a couple). Our partners were not strangers, we did not prey on people online, nor go out to bars looking to shag anything that had a pulse. All of my partners were members of a close inner circle of friends whom I care for deeply (and no.. I did not take them as wives as with polygamy). Not all of my friends are my partners nor expected to be.
A couple in a polyamorous relationship are capable of just enough commitment and love (polygamist) as a monogamous couple
A couple in a polyamorous relationship can be as selective or as promiscuous as a any other single individual.
They are just normal every day people.... in every sense.
I always wanted just 1 man. 1 at the time is my principle.
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