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I think some guys aren't really keen on sharing some of the past relationship history, because women tend to have some odd ideas about what certain things mean. Ive briefly dated women who were really intrusive into my past and when I questioned that, they gave me odd explanations as to why. For example, few years back my biggest problem in dating, was the fact that......I haven't dated in some years, was never married and didn't have any kids. Women that would come to my house, would go through my mail, ask all types of weird questions - because they couldn't quite figure out why a guy like me wouldn't be dating for some time.
Had I had a couple kids with some baby momma, that I wasn't supporting, all would be good in the world. Also, when it comes to length of your past relationships, women will judge you for it. Pretty much every woman Ive ever talked to, has some imaginary number of years in her head, and if you have never been in a relationship that long, that is at times enough for her to not date you. So if you tell any woman, that you've never been in a relationship longer than 6 months, they all see it as a red flag. There are dozens more examples of stuff that doesn't make much sense, but they may be reasons why guys are at times a bit shy sharing details of their past. In my opinion, it has to do with mental shortcuts. When you first start dating, your woman is still forming her opinion of you and in many cases still trying to decide how invested she should be.
Using these types of shortcuts allows her to form an opinion quickly even if not 100% accurately. Womens' reproductive windows are relatively short and for this very reason they have to find a suitable mate as quickly as possible. That is where all the mental shortcuts are used. Another example of a shortcut would be "being attracted" to a man who is seeing several women simultaneously. If that many women want him, that's good enough for me to want him as well.
I think some guys aren't really keen on sharing some of the past relationship history, because women tend to have some odd ideas about what certain things mean. Ive briefly dated women who were really intrusive into my past and when I questioned that, they gave me odd explanations as to why. For example, few years back my biggest problem in dating, was the fact that......I haven't dated in some years, was never married and didn't have any kids. Women that would come to my house, would go through my mail, ask all types of weird questions - because they couldn't quite figure out why a guy like me wouldn't be dating for some time.
Had I had a couple kids with some baby momma, that I wasn't supporting, all would be good in the world. Also, when it comes to length of your past relationships, women will judge you for it. Pretty much every woman Ive ever talked to, has some imaginary number of years in her head, and if you have never been in a relationship that long, that is at times enough for her to not date you. So if you tell any woman, that you've never been in a relationship longer than 6 months, they all see it as a red flag. There are dozens more examples of stuff that doesn't make much sense, but they may be reasons why guys are at times a bit shy sharing details of their past. In my opinion, it has to do with mental shortcuts. When you first start dating, your woman is still forming her opinion of you and in many cases still trying to decide how invested she should be.
Using these types of shortcuts allows her to form an opinion quickly even if not 100% accurately. Womens' reproductive windows are relatively short and for this very reason they have to find a suitable mate as quickly as possible. That is where all the mental shortcuts are used. Another example of a shortcut would be "being attracted" to a man who is seeing several women simultaneously. If that many women want him, that's good enough for me to want him as well.
This.
It's why some guys lie about their relationship history. They don't necessarily exaggerate the lying, but enough to the point where the woman won't question him over something trivial. It's probably a route I'll likely take as well.
A simple "I don't like to talk about past relationships out of respect for those they invovle" is addressing the past if that is really how you feel.
It honestly depends on why someone is or isn't willing to address their past that is the deciding factor in if it is "good" or "bad" and if that is personally a deal breaker for you
Last edited by rego00123; 08-06-2015 at 12:46 PM..
I'm going to differ from most responses here and say there is something wrong if a guy refuses talk about his past relationships
There are some huge qualifier to this:
- You two have to be more than just casually dating.
- You expressed a reason to him of why you need to know and that it is relevant to your current situation not just because you want to know everything/body he ever did
- You can't expect it in return just because you feel the need to verbally purge yourself of your own history to him.
- You share in return (but again - not just so you can say "I told you that one time..." somewhere down the road.
Not really. What does it have to do with the current relationship? If a guy spends time telling me about past relationships and it's relevant to a discussion we are having or an issue he might have, or I ask him about his past relationships then it makes sense for him to talk to me about it but otherwise I don't really care. I've dated guys who've been extremely curious about who I've dated and I've dated guys who didn't want to talk about ex bfs I had and barely mentioned who they dated in the past. Either way it depends on the context of why he would mention it. It would only be strange if I ask him about it and he close lipped or if he seems secretive about it.
To some it may be a red flag, to others it might be the opposite of a red flag. I'm a very open person and like to know all about a person's past. Basically, I just like to know things. My husband is not the same way but we have been able to navigate the waters anyway!
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