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Im on the fence about this because people find out about your past (espescially women) and fixate on it. They will now think you compare them to one of your exes, or feel insecure because you wanted to marry one of your exes...blah blah.
Actually...there was a thread on here where the guy said he stupidly spent tons of money on an ex girlfriend, money that he could not really afford to spend. He got smarter and now doesn't blow money like that. But now his current girlfriend found out and is upset that he is not blowing money on her like he did on his ex. Stupidiness.
See....some people cant handle the past. They just cant. They will listen to your past and then develop issues about stuff that you cant even control.
I know. I have done that to people. Sad to admit it. So, knowing some very basic general information is fine, but getting all deep into your past relationships....umm......I just dont know if its a good idea.
Also, for the people who want to know the bad things a person might have done in their past relationships. Just how bad do u think the person will make himself look? For instance, do you really think an abuser will say to you " why yes, I beat the living crap out of two of my ex-girlfriends!!". Don't think so.
He doesnt bring up past relationships because a person should not bring up past relationships. The past is the past and none of the other persons business. Bringing up past relationships only causes problems.
My husband on our very first date without me asking outright told me. He has no relationship with his son since his divorce decades ago. But no matter how I ask him what happened on 'that' night they had a big fight... or details of his divorce? He won't tell me anymore.
It was his sister that told me he had a nasty divorce. When I told that to him, he admit it was nasty.. but again... no more details.
It used to bother me, but not anymore. Now I am secure with his feelings for me.
I have had some poor reactions to talking about past relationships. I never voluntarily talked about it, I was pressed and even cajoled.
Then the comparison game begins, feelings are hurt, etc. Why haven't I taken her on a trip? Why don't we have some specific thing that we are bonding over that I had with an ex?
I believe that well-adjusted people don't need to know details about former relationships. I don't care to know a thing, not a name or anything, about my girlfriends's ex boyfriends or spouses.
My husband on our very first date without me asking outright told me. He has no relationship with his son since his divorce decades ago. But no matter how I ask him what happened on 'that' night they had a big fight... or details of his divorce? He won't tell me anymore.
It was his sister that told me he had a nasty divorce. When I told that to him, he admit it was nasty.. but again... no more details.
It used to bother me, but not anymore. Now I am secure with his feelings for me.
He walked away from his son because of a nasty divorce? Or did the son walk away from him? Both BIG red flags.
He walked away from his son because of a nasty divorce? Or did the son walk away from him? Both BIG red flags.
His son was only months old when they divorced. So guess he walked away. From what he told me, he said he does not want his son to witness how his ex belittle him while the son is growing up. Or something like that.
As a result he does not want kids anymore. His reason was he is too old. I always suspect it's because of this experience. So I ask him again the REAL reason why he does not want any more kids he said ' he can't afford them '. Whatever that means.
Yes if you guys have been together for a while now. At some point you should open up about things like that. But if you just started seeing each other then give it some time.
In my opinion, it would depend on what you mean by 'refuses.'
What I mean is I don't believe in this 'let it all hang out' approach, but if there were something really awful in the person's past I'd want to know about it.
In my opinion, it would depend on what you mean by 'refuses.'
What I mean is I don't believe in this 'let it all hang out' approach, but if there were something really awful in the person's past I'd want to know about it.
Depends on how long you've been together and what he refuses to say. I would wonder why he didn't want to talk about it at all - that's not a good sign.
Those relationships are part of his past, like it or not. While you don't need to know the dirty details, understanding where someone comes from is important. That said, I think those conversations should happen naturally, not through badgering.
In the 3 long term relationships I've had, we discussed our pasts over time. It can really give good insight and never caused problems.
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