Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'm always a bit skeptical when people open up here with personal issues that are likely to be at least a little controversial. But assuming this is a genuine inquiry......
OP, you are young and so is the woman you're seeing. Honestly, neither of you seem ready for a serious relationship, and it doesn't sound like you have a very strong connection now. You're comments to her were less than ideal, and her response was pretty crappy. And don't be that guy who wants to respond in kind.
However, if you want to salvage things, I'd suggest the following, and even if you don't want to salvage things, I think most of this will be of some value.
First, recognize the difference between feeling insecure, which happens and is normal, and acting on those feelings. You'll feel insecure at times, so let yourself have those feelings without fighting them or acting on them. Admit to yourself that the feeling is unpleasant, but know that it will pass, and pass more quickly if you stay calm and let it.
It doesn't sound like the woman your with has done anything to make you not trust her. I get that this situation is awkward because while almost every person we'd date has a sexual past, it's not all that common to have to interact with someone from that past, especially knowing details. So that's tough, but it still likely has nothing much to do with the present. If your sex life is good, and your girlfriend isn't doing anything to give you genuine present day concerns, then count your blessings. She's an adult who can choose to be with whomever, and for now she's choosing to be with you.
If your good with all of that, and since you broached the subject with her, tell her that this situation is a bit odd and it's caught you off guard, but it's yours to deal with. If she still seems pissy about it, I might agree that it's time to part ways. But owning your previous reaction and committing to handling things better moving forward is a good step for you regardless of how she responds.
Most anyone in your situation would feel this way. It's your choice to get over it, or not. There's no magic bullet, as your fear of her past behavior is based on evidence. What evidence do you have that she will do this to you, except that which is in the past? Weigh the two: past against the present.
You can't be serious. Granted her track record doesn't show her in a good light. She has told you that 4yrs ago, at the age of 19, she made a mistake. Move on if you don't trust her for goodness sakes and stop trying to guilt trip her for something she clearly isn't very proud of.
I mean, what exactly do you want her to do? Stop hanging around friends because you are scared the guy with a big penis is going to steal your girl? Lol. Grow up and work on your self esteem. This is embarrassing
Now, I can have some insecurity issues myself. So I get it. However, those issues have cost me. So, OP, im wondering if the advice above is more what you should try for. SHE did not actively seek out to be around this guy. HER FRIEND IS DATING HIM!! Hello??? She did NOT seek out this guy!!!! Her friend...is....dating...him!!! Also, apparently her friend, who is in the SAME situation as you are OP, isnt freaking out about the fact those two dated. She's apparently more secure than you. So maybe you should chill.
As for the people talking bad about his girlfriend after seeing the conversation, you are only seeing ONE side.....HIS side. We don't know what this woman has had to deal with in this relationship. The OP is not going to portray himself in a bad light. He will portray HIMSELF as the victim here. This is normal human behavior. WE NEED TO HEAR BOTH SIDES OF THE STORY TO KNOW FOR SURE! If you talked to his girl, she might tell you that he has nagged her about this or that a number of times, and she is a bit tired of it. That snappish response from her could be irritation with the OP's constant behavior.
Anyway, I feel this is a situation the OP should calm down about unless he CLEARLY sees reasons not to.
Even though I should have saved the convo for face-to-face, this is what unfolded:
Me: Every time I am around X, I think about how you had an affair for 5 months
Her: Ok lol
Me: I am bringing it up because it bothers me
Her: No need to bring it up rn. I know you want to keep me away from my friends
Me: He disrespected you and your relationship
Her: when I was 19
Me: If I had a girl around that I had an affair with, you would feel u uncomfortable
Her: Not if you ****ed her 4 years ago and her best friend was dating her and I knew you had no interest in her
Her: 4 years is a very long time
Her: but keep pulling **** out of your ass to fight about
Her: you’re just controlling and don’t want me to have friends
Her: you ruin my life every day
Her: I hate you
She is very defensive and may feel that you are judging her for this. Explain that you are not judging her and this is your own insecurity. There is nothing wrong with bringing up something that you feel insecure about, as long as you do it in a non-blaming manner. A woman who is a keeper will be supportive and reassuring about something like that.
You should also talk to her about her feeling like you don't want her to see her friends.
Lastly, you should explain to her that the last part of the conversation was very rude and that you are setting the boundary that you will not put up with crap like that.
You have to make up your mind whether or not YOU will be able to live with this. It's always going to be in the back of your head. I couldn't deal with it, but that's just me.
Even though I should have saved the convo for face-to-face, this is what unfolded:
Me: Every time I am around X, I think about how you had an affair for 5 months
Her: Ok lol
Me: I am bringing it up because it bothers me
Her: No need to bring it up rn. I know you want to keep me away from my friends
Me: He disrespected you and your relationship
Her: when I was 19
Me: If I had a girl around that I had an affair with, you would feel u uncomfortable
Her: Not if you ****ed her 4 years ago and her best friend was dating her and I knew you had no interest in her
Her: 4 years is a very long time
Her: but keep pulling **** out of your ass to fight about
Her: you’re just controlling and don’t want me to have friends
Her: you ruin my life every day
Her: I hate you
You lost her already.....This is exactly what men and women hate dealing with. Unfortunately your insecurities have gotten the best of you. At least with this relationship, it has. Move on, and find a new woman, but don't forget what you learned from this one. Obviously you have issues with trust....if you didn't, you wouldn't have let her PAST effect the present. So what is your lesson? Obviously with trust issues you will need to choose your females wisely. Probably want to stay away from women who have a lot of guy friends. Or you can seek help and get to the root of your trust issues.
You are young, and will have many relationships in the future, hope you learn from your mistakes and adjust to them accordingly. Many don't, and spend years in relationships that mirror one another.
It's time to NEXT her. You can't turn a ho into a decent GF. You got your jollies for awhile. Time to DTB and let her hop back on the carousel (but she likely never got off, she just keeps it hidden from you).
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
