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My GF and I have been dating for almost two years now. Early on, I found out she had a rather high number of “partners” which I certainly struggled with, but was able to get over.
Another struggle I had was when I found out she cheated on one of her ex’s for about 5 months with someone who was mutual friends to them both. This happened when she was 19 (so about 4 years ago). As I am sure you can imagine, this made me think very critically of her character as well as the guy she had the affair with. Over time, though, I attributed to her young age and immaturity.
Fast forward to about 7 months ago and this same guy is now dating one of my GF’s friends. As a result, I have had to be around him more and more frequently due her friend’s relationship.
He seems like an alright guy to be around, but the thing that kills me inside is that every time we are all together, all I can think about is how this other guy had his hands all over my GF and slept with her on multiple occasions while her BF was clueless. It makes me not trust him and makes me feel a sense of resentment towards my GF. I often think like, “Is she checking him out right now?” Another thing that bothered me is one time while drinking, my GF’s friend bragged about how big his penis is and my GF just smiled, so there’s also a sense of insecurity on my part.
I struggle with these negative feelings because I don’t want to feel this way or think about it, but it keeps haunting me every time I am around the guy. One time my GF and I had an argument it slipped out and I told her I don’t ever want to be around him because of their past.
So my question is this: how do I cope? I tell myself I can’t blame her for her past, but I also can’t stop but think about the above mentioned things. Am I just overreacting? I never tried to keep us from hanging out with them due to my feelings, but I still don’t feel comfortable each time.
Any advice, comments, or sharing of similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Any advice for me if she responsed in a nasty/angry manner?
Yeah, start playing that game as well and call up a few of your ex girlfriends.
Bad or not, sometimes to get a woman's attention you have to do to them what they do to you. Then they get all pissed off and then realize that they do the same thing to you. If they still don't see it and don't change, you dump them.
Even though I should have saved the convo for face-to-face, this is what unfolded:
Me: Every time I am around X, I think about how you had an affair for 5 months
Her: Ok lol
Me: I am bringing it up because it bothers me
Her: No need to bring it up rn. I know you want to keep me away from my friends
Me: He disrespected you and your relationship
Her: when I was 19
Me: If I had a girl around that I had an affair with, you would feel u uncomfortable
Her: Not if you ****ed her 4 years ago and her best friend was dating her and I knew you had no interest in her
Her: 4 years is a very long time
Her: but keep pulling **** out of your ass to fight about
Her: you’re just controlling and don’t want me to have friends
Her: you ruin my life every day
Her: I hate you
Any advice, comments, or sharing of similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.
Dude, it was years ago and she is with YOU now. Don't be a whiner around her, it will only make her look at you as insecure. Just cowboy up and be glad she is your GF, and shower her with love and affection, not resentment, or you'll run her off.
Even though I should have saved the convo for face-to-face, this is what unfolded:
Me: Every time I am around X, I think about how you had an affair for 5 months
Her: Ok lol
Me: I am bringing it up because it bothers me
Her: No need to bring it up rn. I know you want to keep me away from my friends
Me: He disrespected you and your relationship
Her: when I was 19
Me: If I had a girl around that I had an affair with, you would feel u uncomfortable
Her: Not if you ****ed her 4 years ago and her best friend was dating her and I knew you had no interest in her
Her: 4 years is a very long time
Her: but keep pulling **** out of your ass to fight about
Her: you’re just controlling and don’t want me to have friends
Her: you ruin my life every day
Her: I hate you
Well, clearly you already screwed up and were a whiner.
Are you that controlling? If so, she should leave you and find somebody who is comfortable in his own skin and isn't shaken to the core when running across an ex-lover. Jeez.
Sounds like a horrible set to be paired with one another.
It really has nothing to do with blame on either end, so do not make it about blaming each other. Approach this as the issue and not the issues that lead up to you having this hang up.
Your SO is feeling like you are blaming her for your own issues. This isn't the way to go deeper in to this and come to an understanding with one another. You're working against one another.
I always find this forum interesting in the way people treat these type of issues. People will tell others to discuss their issues with their partners and have an open communication, but then they will chastise blame and vilify them when they do so and it doesn't go well.
You're an odd bunch
Last edited by rego00123; 08-07-2015 at 01:35 PM..
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