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Yes, I think the 5-page letter is enough. If I was her, I would tell you to leave me alone to give me time to think. Just because you apologize doesn't mean you will get a response RIGHT AWAY.
damn i hate waiting though but it looks like im going to have to and just keep a positive head about this whole situation like this .... im going to have a great and beautiful baby... and hopefully a beautiful girl to spend my life with if she gives me that chance and im going to counseling and really getting what i need to help me with what not makes me that perfect person for her. im going to school im getting my education and im looking for a new job bc the one tht i have now just is not for me and ive workd there for 2 years its just a dead end job and i have nothing in common with anyone there i dont talk to ne one there or ne thing like that. thanks guys .... i guess that im going to just have to wait it out and see what happens... she told me that it could take weeks to get over this and then after that she will have an answer and all of that what do you guys think about this statement?
oh and by the way i plan to keep you guys updated along this whole thing ... like what and when im expecting and what im doing to hope you guys dont mind
ive texted her and called her numerous times and she always answered them before she came over that one day and then i asked her to come over later if she had time and she said that she didnt know and she would get back to me and never has .... she knows that im going to counseling and all of that what else could she want? she told me if you didnt read this before that if she just came back to me now that i would get what i want and nothing would be done to fix it and maybe she thinks that to just by talking to me now, that i will be getting what i want and im not really thinking about what i need to fix this problem bc i really do know that she wants to be with me forever and just wants that to stop.. what do you people think of that?
Having read this thread, here's my 2 cents, FWIW. I was married for 20 years to a guy who "only" drank occasionally. When he was sober, things were great, when he drank he was very verbally abusive and just plain nasty. He always apologized afterwards and things would be fine....Until the next time. He started drinking and being nasty when we were married for about 15 years - it took me 5 to realize he wasn't going to change.
I think your girlfriend is much smarter than I was - she's staying away until she sees that you really mean to stop drinking and verbally abusing her. Anyone can say they are in counseling, going to Alcoholics Anonymous, etc. and actually be doing it, but until the other person sees a positive change, they are going to shy away and stay away until the actions speak for themselves. IMO, she's steering clear of you and any thoughts of a relationship with you until she is sure the counseling and meetings are working and that you are not drinking. I think she's waiting for you to prove to her that you have changed and you are no longer drinking. Only time and your behavior will show her that. Until then, I don't think she'll be answering you......
she told me that it could take weeks to get over this and then after that she will have an answer and all of that what do you guys think about this statement?
I think what she's telling you is that she needs time to think, and really doesn't want you to contact her at this moment. The ball is in her court, and you need to respect her enough to let her come to you when she's ready.
I know it's REALLY hard, but I think that's the best you can do when it comes to this part of your issue.
she told me that a few days before she started to a void me . maybe she just realized that what i was trying to do was trying to get her back and stuff like that and shes just going to avoid me for awhile. and what i was doing realy wasnt helping her and just maken her feel bad and miss me more. she said that she knows that this isnt fun and this isnt easy but its whats best for us or the situation i cant rmember ... but its starting to sink in now , what you guys think about this?
i really do know that she wants to be with me forever and just wants that to stop.. what do you people think of that?
I think you don't have a clue. You have no idea what this young woman wants. I'll bet good money she doesn't know what she wants. And now that she's pregnant...I'm sure she's confused more than ever. You should have been supportive and caring...but you treated her like dirt. Let this be a lesson you soon don't forget. You take a woman in your life for granted...and soon you won't have a woman in your life.
she told me numerous times though that i treated her the best shes ever been treated and i was the best thign to ever happen to her and i made her soo happy.. she even said that she would marry me at oine point... but yes you are right it looks like i did take her for granted but i really do know that sooner or later she will be back and this time i wont mess it up bc im geting help and im going to actaully make it work not just sittin there for some other reason
Actions speak louder than words. She is more interested in what she sees you DO, rather than what she hears you SAY, and that takes time, so yes you are very wise to give her room to think things through for herself without you pushing her or pressuring her.
Also people that stop drinking "on their own" without a program of recovery like Alcoholics Anonymous still retain the behavior, that is what a "dry drunk" is. So if you think you can stop on your own, or control your drinking, that is avoiding the problem altogether and it persists. You don't have to believe me. Go to some Alcoholic Anonymous meetings, hear it from people who know your situation, see what they say. They are the experts and if you have the courage to sit in some meetings your life will begin to change in the very positive ways you describe you want to see happen. But you can't do it on your own.
thanks again you guys im sorry for the way that i acted earlier , i need to change that about me. just want to add this i think that this is her last ditch effort to make this work before she really moves on bc i know that she was really invested in this relationship to move in with me and all of that. she has made threats to me before but this time i think that shes reall serious about it and putting her foot down and if i cant change this time its over, this time bc we do have a kid. she really did love me and do alot for me and she really wants to see this work but when she made threats to me before she never carried out with them but this time she is and shes saying that if he gets this help and it still dont help him its over for good. and she knows that it bothers me when we dont talk that much. do you guys think that im right?
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