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Having a case of retroactive jealousy and don't know how to get it out of my head. The way my mind works is often a blessing or a curse. Work as a data analyst and I have the ability to look at random sets of data and figure out a pattern, trend or answer to problems.
My issue is an odd one. Met my girlfriend about two years ago and have since moved in together with plans to get married next year. When we first became intimate she told me I had to wear a condom because she had a one night stand earlier and was waiting for the results of her STD test. I sort of flipped out, but she told me that it was meaningless. All she said was that she had just moved to town, was depressed and lonely at the holidays, was working her way through a bottle of wine and hopped on Tinder.
Due to weird work schedules, we had our first date then it took us a few months to reconnect again for a second date. We didn't become intimate until almost 4 months after our first date. So I'm driving to work the other day and for some reason all of the random facts of our dating life fell into place. There was a drunken Yelp review that she posted the day after Thanksgiving, an admission of her hooking up around the holidays and it was a day or so after her kids returned back to the city they live in. I didn't remember the exact first day of the date, just knew it was around Thanksgiving. Had an "oh crap" moment and I realized that she had her one night stand the day before we met. Kind of freaking me out that 24 hours before she meets her "love of her life" she was in bed with a random guy from Tinder. All I got was a side hug after our three hour date and this other guy got to sleep with her.
Everything else in our relationship is great, but she keeps asking me why I seem a little off the last few days. I know logically I need to let the past be the past. But the other day she mentioned our first date again and told me that she knew within an hour that I would be the guy she married. So I can't think about our first date positively right now, just about her actions 24 hours before she met me. How do I get this out of my mind? I really don't want this eating away at me.
The first guy "got to" have sex with her? You "get to" have sex with her all the time now, don't you? For two years?
I don't know if there's anything anyone can say or should say. Your feelings are your own and it's up to you whether you want to get over them or not. Have you tried talking to her instead of pretending nothing is wrong?
How do I get this out of my mind? I really don't want this eating away at me.
You get this out of your mind by realizing that you have two options:
1) Accept it.
2) Don't accept it.
There's no middle ground here. The past cannot be changed, nor can the fact that you know about this.
So, it's up to you to decide how you want to proceed.
I will suggest that if you go with option (1), that you truly do accept it. That you get yourself to the point where this will not come back to haunt either you or her in any way in the future. If you can't get yourself to this point, cut your losses.
I know that I need to get over it. Not going to let this ruin two great years so far. Just kind of makes my stomach churn knowing that the week before we met the first time we were texting and chatting on the phone. So while we were having innocent conversations and setting up our first date, it appears that at the same time she was lining up a hook up.
What is it with these people who get ticked off that their current GF did something BEFORE they ever met?
How was she to know that she would meet you the day before you met? Is she psychic? Did she visit a fortune teller?
Maybe you need to accept that she had a life and was living it BEFORE she met you, just like you had a life and was living it BEFORE you met her.
Only on City-Data have I heard of men expecting their partners to replicate their sexual experiences, in terms of what they want to do/try and more to the point, how soon they do it. And if they do not, the men are somehow being "cheated" out of something.
I would disagree with most of these. Its not just the sex but the lying. First you have to be honest with yourself. Have you been lying about things too? If you have that may help. But if not, then I'd suggest some honest discussions. Many women manipulate men to get what they want out of a man, like maybe a good provider and father of children, but not necessary the guy they really want in the sac. But they figure they'll settle for the guy with the bucks. I've heard of women who will do this. Don't get fooled. Time for honesty before you tie any knots.
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