Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I'd be checking for other signs of dishonesty, if I was you. Keep in mind that men and women have been known to be one their best behavior before any knots are tied, only to change drastically after. Let the buyer beware.
Again, the OP has specifically stated it's about the "timing", not standards. Stop trying to make this into something it's not by using it as fuel for your agenda to shame women.
This^^
I never judged her for having a few ONS before we met, I had some too after my divorce. What I AM trying to wrap my head around is the timing. On the same day we were talking on the phone and texting about our upcoming first date which was going to be a simple date after we both went to church at a coffee shop, she was making plans to meet some guy from Tinder for something 180 degrees polar opposite.
Then months later when we decided to get serious, she confided that she knew within 30 minutes of meeting me that I was marriage material. How can someone go within 24-30 hours of having a ONS to meeting someone after church and deciding this is the guy I've been waiting for and want to marry.
Yes, my mind works in mysterious ways. That's why I'm in the field I am in. Just kind of sucks because until last week I was in blissful ignorance.
OP, you say you're okay with it, that logically, you know you ought to let it go... but, it's pretty clear you're not over it. Resentment is building... Go back and read your reply posts to everyone. You'll see it. I see it. Your girlfriend apparently sees it, too... she just doesn't know what it is, yet. Right now, she thinks something's "off" with you.
If you can't stop thinking about this... if you "...can't think about your first date positively" right now or ever... if your stomach continues to "churn", then you need to talk to her about it... It's creeping in between the two of you... Right now, she's blissfully ignorant.
Make it about you... just like you explained here. You even said, "I don't want this eating away at me" Right now, it's eating away at you... and, although she has no idea that you're churning and burning on the inside about something involving her, she's perceptive enough to know that something is bothering you and she asked. She's... blissfully ignorant because you didn't say anything.
People who love each other ought to be able to talk about anything with each other without letting blame, anger, defensiveness, guilt or fear of abandonment and judgement. This is a person you love, remember. You're just talking; it's not like you're kicking each other, or anything. Do it nicely, with love, and in an effort to maintain good communication skills and to keep the love flowing freely and happily between the two of you. And yes, do your venting online when you feel the need.
Clarify the scenario with her; Fix it together. Don't let the sleeping dog lie. And, remember... people date. And, in the process of dating they may have one night stands, and they also sometimes find the loves of their lives (she said that about... you... not about the meaningless guy the night before you. )
Really, in a roundabout way... I'm saying the same thing as Just A Guy... only with more verbiage.
Quote:
Quote:Originally Posted by Just A Guy]
This is your problem and your insecurity. If you can talk about this with her in a manner that puts none of the responsibility on her, but lays everything out as your own insecurity, then that will probably help.
More than likely, what you need to hear from her is that it is OK for you to feel insecure about this. That will help you to get over this. The one big thing that will make this not work, however, is if you lay any kind of blame or responsibility on her.
I never judged her for having a few ONS before we met, I had some too after my divorce. What I AM trying to wrap my head around is the timing. On the same day we were talking on the phone and texting about our upcoming first date which was going to be a simple date after we both went to church at a coffee shop, she was making plans to meet some guy from Tinder for something 180 degrees polar opposite.
I'm still just not sure why this is so difficult for you to accept though - why can't she want a hook up but also be on the look out for something more? I just don't understand why you seem to think the two are mutually exclusive, when they are not.
Quote:
Then months later when we decided to get serious, she confided that she knew within 30 minutes of meeting me that I was marriage material. How can someone go within 24-30 hours of having a ONS to meeting someone after church and deciding this is the guy I've been waiting for and want to marry.
Because they are two different men. And she said she knew you were marriage material, not that she wanted to marry you within 30 mins of meeting you. There's a difference.
Since she got drunk and [bleep] some stranger from an APP I would wager she would do that again.
That she is the kind of gal who would DO that in the first place should bother any man considering her as a wife. Her behavior was dangerous at worst (STDS) and trampy at best.
She sounds like a phony too per the OP's description of how she conveyed herself to him (churchgoing, modest, good moraled, conservative) versus what she actually did which was get wasted and [bleep] to a stranger.
Character. That is at issue here. Her behavior does not betoken good character nor sensible decision making.
Why shouldn't the OP fiind that sort of loose behavior, repulsive? (my word not his).
OP I suggest you dig a tad deeper into her activities. She may be prone to this sort of thing on the regular.
OP mentioned he's no stranger to one-night stands, either. Are we to assume, then, based on your model above, that he'll "do it again, " too? Maybe he's "prone to this sort of thing on the regular," by the same token, eh?
Is it only repulsive, loose behavior and an indication of poor character when she does it?
OP, it is really pretty simple. Please forgive me for using slightly crude language.
She looked at this other guy, the guy she had a ONS with, and thought "Damn he is hot, [bleep]"
With you - not so much. You had other qualities she valued, such as the fact she knew you would be a good provider for her children. But did she find you hot and want to [bleep] immediately? No, that is why she made you wait.
You know that, if you were the kind of guy to make her all hot and flushed, she would have [bleep] on the first night. She has done so before. But not with you. And deep down, you know why.
She wants you as a provider, but you don't turn her on as much as the other guy.
It is up to you whether that bothers or not. But that is the truth.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-09-2016 at 06:32 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
OP, it is really pretty simple. Please forgive me for using slightly crude language.
She looked at this other guy, the guy she had a ONS with, and thought "Damn he is hot, I want him inside me immediately"
With you - not so much. You had other qualities she valued, such as the fact she knew you would be a good provider for her children. But did she find you hot and want to bang you immediately? No, that is why she made you wait.
You know that, if you were the kind of guy to make her all hot and flushed, she would have banged you on the first night. She has done so before. But not with you. And deep down, you know why.
She wants you as a provider, but you don't turn her on as much as the other guy.
It is up to you whether that bothers or not. But that is the truth.
Ding, ding, ding...we have a winner. OP, I don't care about her having casual sex, but it sounds like she basically a) had unprotected casual sex with a stranger, which is hoeish, and frankly nasty any way you slice it. b) she tried to blur the time line in which it happened, which to me speaks to a deceptive character c) it sounds as though she regrets her choice, which to me implies a poor decision making ability. d) lastly, I agree with the quoted post. You're supposed to be the naive lame who comes along and saves her; while waiting months to get what this other cat got from the get go, simply because quite frankly, she wanted[bleep] him so badly that waiting wasn't an option...with you? Not so much...lol
Your decision, at the end of the day, but on the face of it, she sounds like a piece of trash. I will give her credit for at least being considerate enough about your health to insist that you use protection after being so blind with passion for that other guy that she willingly risked contracting an STD to have unprotected sex with him.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-09-2016 at 06:35 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
For crying out loud. Let me see if I can bitchslap you into shape.
1) DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, ever, ever, ever, date women who are older than you. Always date younger.
2) Never date single mothers. Just don't. Find a quality female with no baggage. It should be you and her, and none of this kids and baby daddy nonsense.
3) If she jumps into bed with strangers, she WILL cheat on you. Promiscuous women are disloyal women.
4) For the love of all that is holy, don't ever ask women or white knights for dating advice. Go to men's forums where you will get real, honest, helpful advice instead of fairytales and political correctness. Based on what I've read, this forum doesn't seem like the kind of place where people (men) can tell the truth, so I'll leave you to figure that one out.
If I were to be judgmental I would totally call it slutty. In the past, but still slutty. There is just too many decent girls out there to be mentally bothered by this (you would be surprised how many).
I never really understood the philosophy of ONS. I can understand a non committed sex say with a friend or somebody you know at least for some time, but a total stranger? I mean yeah we all have urges and desires, but damn. And I am not just bashing women, my logic here applies to men too.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sooo...
) 
