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Unlike many folk I make distinctions between M and F and the natural behaviors attached thereto.
I know Bruce Jenner et al would disagree. Many disagree. I don't care.
I like clearly different gender roles and behaviors. I think it's hot. I would have done well pre-1950.
All I want to do, is make her motivations clearer to the OP. At the moment, he doesn't understand why she did what she did, and this is causing his confusion and also partly causing his hurt. When he understands it, he can then better decide what to do about it.
The problem that women face at the moment is that society expects them to pick the nice guys, and frowns upon them whenever they pick the bad boys. This is wrong. They should be able to pick whoever they choose, without being judged.
But, we as a society need to start being honest with ourselves and start admitting that sometimes women will want a bad boy, and sometimes they will want a nice guy. The reasons they will be attracted to each will be different, and so will the things they are willing to do with the guy. Its part of the unique relationship she will have with each guy.
Guys actually make the same choices for the same reasons - but there isn't as much focus on it. Few, if any men will date a woman that they do not find physically attractive, even though she is otherwise "perfect" in terms of her interests and personality. So, what I'm advocating is not judgment, but understanding of why someone would act the way they do.
There are always people on these threads who will shame you for what you feel. Ignore them. It's not childish to expect that your significant other had some standards before they met you.
It's not because you think you own anyone. Feminist types are obsessed with the idea that every man thinks of every woman as an object. It's just a BS way of excusing a woman's lack of accountability. It's just a BS way of shaming you for what you feel and what you want in a woman. Your standards are yours, and no one else's. Ignore those with such low expectations of THEIR significant others.
Accountability to whom you ask? Accountability to the man she would eventually marry. Yes, even before she knew you. Some people think that a woman being a porn-star or prostitute, sleeping with the entire Army or your best friend all should not matter. That's fine if it doesn't matter to them, it matters to YOU and that's what matters.
Ignore the busy bodies who want to shame you for how you feel.
That being said, as an earlier poster mentioned, you need to either accept it or not. It's truly your choice. But if you decide that her having slept with that guy is something that will keep eating at you for years, move on. That does not make you a "child". It makes you a normal human being.
Oh for ****'s sake, she wasn't accountable to him *before* they met. What she did before they met or in the early days of talking, before they became a couple, should not be his concern. She didn't owe him an explanation then, and doesn't owe him one now.
I never judged her for having a few ONS before we met, I had some too after my divorce. What I AM trying to wrap my head around is the timing. On the same day we were talking on the phone and texting about our upcoming first date which was going to be a simple date after we both went to church at a coffee shop, she was making plans to meet some guy from Tinder for something 180 degrees polar opposite.
So? She wasn't just talking to you. This isn't unusual. It could have been a date like any other that led to sex. She could have realized there's little or no compatibility and chemistry... that she later found in you.
Quote:
Then months later when we decided to get serious, she confided that she knew within 30 minutes of meeting me that I was marriage material.
Right. I knew in the very early days of talking to my husband that he's very special, "the one." That realization wouldn't have changed if I went on a date [that led to sex] a couple nights before.
Quote:
How can someone go within 24-30 hours of having a ONS to meeting someone after church and deciding this is the guy I've been waiting for and want to marry.
Like this:
Date with Joe Schmo: "I had a nice time, some drinks, it led to sex, but wasn't feelin' it compatibility wise." (heck, maybe the sexual chemistry wasn't great)
Date with Boise a day or so later: "Amazing guy. I really like him. I sense chemistry and true compatibility."
OP, you're looking at this from the lens of having been with this woman for two years, when there's history and feelings involved. She did not know you like this before you met and became serious. You were a *potential* match, a date, not her future husband, because she hadn't met or interacted with you in a way for these feelings to develop... until they did.
All I got was a side hug after our three hour date and this other guy got to sleep with her.
If you think you got cheated here, that would beg the following question:
Did you make the moves in an attempt to progress things to a sexual level with her on that date?
If not, you only have yourself to blame. Chances are, the other guy made the moves, but you didn't. So, the only person that cheated you was yourself and you have only yourself to blame.
BTW, didn't you get to sleep with her later? Is there that much difference between not doing it on the first date and doing it at a later time? Do you feel like you would have somehow not lost the "contest" if you would have also slept with her on the first date?
Another thing to contemplate, Boise. You've had one-night stands--plural. If you had met your girlfriend a couple of days after one of them, would anything have changed? Would your feelings for her be less real? Would you not have been as interested in her or liked her as much?
Stop thinking about it. If you find yourself thinking about i, repeat the following to yourself over and over again:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Boise06
...
Met my girlfriend about two years ago
...
I didn't remember the exact first day of the date, just knew it was around Thanksgiving. Had an "oh crap" moment and I realized that she had her one night stand the day before we met. Kind of freaking me out that 24 hours before she meets her "love of her life" she was in bed with a random guy from Tinder. All I got was a side hug after our three hour date and this other guy got to sleep with her.
Would everyone who has pointed out why the girlfriend in this scenario's having had a one-night stand prior to meeting her significant other predisposes her to future infidelity explain why the OP's previous one-night stands don't?
Would everyone who has pointed out why the girlfriend in this scenario's having had a one-night stand prior to meeting her significant other predisposes her to future infidelity explain why the OP's previous one-night stands don't?
Penis. It's all about the penis (or lack thereof).
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