Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I know that I need to get over it. Not going to let this ruin two great years so far. Just kind of makes my stomach churn knowing that the week before we met the first time we were texting and chatting on the phone. So while we were having innocent conversations and setting up our first date, it appears that at the same time she was lining up a hook up.
Absolutely break up!!!! She used some guy for sex before you guys started dating. That should be a total deal breaker. You know, something that only strikes you after two years with her. She valued you more than a hook-up. Don't put up with that.
__________________ ____________________________________________
My posts as a Mod will always be in red.
Be sure to review Terms of Service: TOS
And check this out: FAQ
Moderator: Relationships Forum / Hawaii Forum / Dogs / Pets / Current Events
Absolutely break up!!!! She used some guy for sex before you guys started dating. That should be a total deal breaker. You know, something that only strikes you after two years with her. She valued you more than a hook-up. Don't put up with that.
For some, not all, guys that make this little boo-boo.
They measure how much a woman likes or loves them based on how soon she puts out. If she went out with guy 1, and slept with him the 1st date, then she must like him more and better than guy 2, whom she was luke warm about, thus he could wait. Or he's the chump she'll be using for security while she cheats on him with the real guys she likes. Not to say some women don't do this. But that's not always the case.
If the woman spent time talking to you and doing things outside of sex, it's because she saw you as worth her time. She wasn't trying to punk you. She saw relationship potential with you, thus she felt you were worth getting to know a bit before sex. Then, possibly, the sex would be that much better. However, she still had sexual desires, and solo work probably just wasn't cutting it all the time.
Now, the hook-up guy wasn't worth any time. So yeah, he got to sleep with her quicker. But if you value someone outside of sex, it shouldn't be a chore or effort to be with them, so a little wait doesn't seem too bad. Though I don't blame guys who have to wait longer than 6 months for being frustrated. lol He got to sleep with her once. You, on the other hand get to date her, seem to have fallen in love with her, and get to sleep with her numerous times.
Some some people - men and women, go slower with those they actually like because they feel those people are worth their time, attention, and interest as people. The hook-ups were only good for their sexual pleasure. Again, this is some people's wiring. Not everyone's. Some men do the exact same thing, or similar, to what the OP's girl did.
I never judged her for having a few ONS before we met, I had some too after my divorce. What I AM trying to wrap my head around is the timing. On the same day we were talking on the phone and texting about our upcoming first date which was going to be a simple date after we both went to church at a coffee shop, she was making plans to meet some guy from Tinder for something 180 degrees polar opposite.
Then months later when we decided to get serious, she confided that she knew within 30 minutes of meeting me that I was marriage material. How can someone go within 24-30 hours of having a ONS to meeting someone after church and deciding this is the guy I've been waiting for and want to marry.
Yes, my mind works in mysterious ways. That's why I'm in the field I am in. Just kind of sucks because until last week I was in blissful ignorance.
You don't know if she was making plans with someone else while she was texting you. That's not really how Tinder works anyway.
She said she was feeling lonely and did it in a moment of weakness. It is perfectly plausible that she talked to you to set up a date, and then LATER THAT NIGHT felt lonely, jumped on Tinder and ended up meeting up with then sleeping with some random guy. Sounds like she regretted it immediately. She regarded it a mistake made out of loneliness. They next day she ended up meeting you.
i don't know. If it's really something that's going to bother you you either need to try to talk it out with her or just leave the woman alone I think.
There's nothing much to say about this situation. Either "next her" immediately or go through with the wedding, get some vanilla sex once a month and wait for her to[bleep] you in divorce court. It's about that time that you'll learn she's had a string of Tinder FWB's all though the marriage. And if she just so happens to have a baby during the marriage, well, as Maury says: You are NOT the father.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-09-2016 at 06:48 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
There's nothing much to say about this situation. Either "next her" immediately or go through with the wedding, get some vanilla sex once a month and wait for her to [bleep] you in divorce court. It's about that time that you'll learn she's had a string of Tinder FWB's all though the marriage. And if she just so happens to have a baby during the marriage, well, as Maury says: You are NOT the father.
Mod cut.
But majority of the responders are slapping GF on the back saying "attagirl!" for "owning her sexuality" and telling the OP he is an insecure wretch for being bothered by her slutty not to mention idiotic and dangerous, behavior.
What one tolerates, one deserves.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-09-2016 at 06:49 PM..
Reason: Inappropriate language.
But majority of the responders are slapping GF on the back saying "attagirl!" for "owning her sexuality" and telling the OP he is an insecure wretch for being bothered by her slutty not to mention idiotic and dangerous, behavior.
What one tolerates, one deserves.
Are you ok with the same judgments be placed on you in your life for your past indescretions that you might have done before you started dating someone?
Absolutely break up!!!! She used some guy for sex before you guys started dating. That should be a total deal breaker. You know, something that only strikes you after two years with her. She valued you more than a hook-up. Don't put up with that.
Are you ok with the same judgments be placed on you in your life for your past indescretions that you might have done before you started dating someone?
Absolutely I would be OK with him having a negative reaction, depending on what sort it was.
Had I done what this gal did (never have not even when young and hot and clubbing in the '80s, the idea of sex with a stranger made/still makes me kinda nauseous though I was a voracious sexpot within my monogamous relationships), I'd think it was absurd for the fella to be jealous, yes. Jealousy on his part in this instance would seem insecure and ridiculous.
BUT
if it caused him to view me differently, and question my character/good sense/judgement/morals and caused him to see me as a cheap tramp and a phony, THAT I would feel was warranted and understandable.
Absolutely I would be OK with him having a negative reaction, depending on what sort it was.
Had I done what this gal did (never have not even when young and hot and clubbing in the '80s, the idea of sex with a stranger made/still makes me kinda nauseous though I was a voracious sexpot within my monogamous relationships), I'd think it was absurd for the fella to be jealous, yes. Jealousy on his part in this instance would seem insecure and ridiculous.
BUT
if it caused him to view me differently, and question my character/good sense/judgement/morals and caused him to see me as a cheap tramp and a phony, THAT I would feel was warranted and understandable.
The two year part is admittedly a factor, but didn't he just find out?
Were I he, I'd be looking askance at all her actvities for those two years. Maybe it WAS just a one-off. Or maybe she is just that way and still is.
Not enough data provided to make a call on that. Does she still have a Tinder acct? Does she behave in suspicious ways?
I dunno, the females I've known who do that sort of thing usually don't "reform", excepting the ones who stopped early on like early twenties, once the wild days of youth were over. This is a middle aged [mod cut]. I'd lay money that she is worried over her fading appeal and the hookup was motivated by insecurity and desperation.
We all bring our own bias. I view gals who give it up easy as pathetic sad cases desperate for male attention and affirmation.
You feminists view it as a strong independent woman taking charge of her sexuality *shrugs*
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-09-2016 at 06:53 PM..
Reason: Extremely rude.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
