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OP, I do get what you are saying.
However, there is a huge flaw in the hang up you have.
You really have to just get over it.
Her past is her past. At least she was honest with you and didnt subject you to a potential STD. That is the behavior you look for in a partner. Someone who cares about your well being.
She could have just hooked up with you and never said anything. Then you still may and figured out about her ONS and then really had something to be upset about in that she was careless in her sexual behavior and bla bla bla.
In the end, she obviosuly didnt get HIV or anything, and didnt get pregnant. In the end, she did what all adults do at some point in their life. They make a bad decision or two and enjoy noncommital sex without birthcontrol or STD protection. .
I've never done that, and I have several friends who have not done that. Unprotected sex with a stranger on a one night stand! Speak for yourself.
That being said, people can do whatever they want, but don't include me in your lack of discretion.
Having a case of retroactive jealousy and don't know how to get it out of my head. The way my mind works is often a blessing or a curse. Work as a data analyst and I have the ability to look at random sets of data and figure out a pattern, trend or answer to problems.
My issue is an odd one. Met my girlfriend about two years ago and have since moved in together with plans to get married next year. When we first became intimate she told me I had to wear a condom because she had a one night stand earlier and was waiting for the results of her STD test. I sort of flipped out, but she told me that it was meaningless. All she said was that she had just moved to town, was depressed and lonely at the holidays, was working her way through a bottle of wine and hopped on Tinder.
Due to weird work schedules, we had our first date then it took us a few months to reconnect again for a second date. We didn't become intimate until almost 4 months after our first date. So I'm driving to work the other day and for some reason all of the random facts of our dating life fell into place. There was a drunken Yelp review that she posted the day after Thanksgiving, an admission of her hooking up around the holidays and it was a day or so after her kids returned back to the city they live in. I didn't remember the exact first day of the date, just knew it was around Thanksgiving. Had an "oh crap" moment and I realized that she had her one night stand the day before we met. Kind of freaking me out that 24 hours before she meets her "love of her life" she was in bed with a random guy from Tinder. All I got was a side hug after our three hour date and this other guy got to sleep with her.
Everything else in our relationship is great, but she keeps asking me why I seem a little off the last few days. I know logically I need to let the past be the past. But the other day she mentioned our first date again and told me that she knew within an hour that I would be the guy she married. So I can't think about our first date positively right now, just about her actions 24 hours before she met me. How do I get this out of my mind? I really don't want this eating away at me.
What is it with these people who get ticked off that their current GF did something BEFORE they ever met?
How was she to know that she would meet you the day before you met? Is she psychic? Did she visit a fortune teller?
Maybe you need to accept that she had a life and was living it BEFORE she met you, just like you had a life and was living it BEFORE you met her.
Perhaps you should address the central point. Why would she sleep with some guy she doesn't care for, but make the man she really liked wait for 4 months? That makes no sense.
I'm going to be brutally honest here. Your obsession over this is pathetic and screams of a man with massive insecurities. Stop analyzing and judging the choices she made before she'd even been on a date with you and start analyzing why you're obsessing over something that doesn't matter.
I'm going to be brutally hones here. Your lack of standards are pathetic. If you want someone who doesn't sleep with guys on a whim, that is your business. Don't shame someone else who has higher expectations for the woman he is going to spend the rest of his life with.
Perhaps you should address the central point. Why would she sleep with some guy she doesn't care for, but make the man she really liked wait for 4 months? That makes no sense.
Where is there an indication that she "made him wait"?
And even if she did, there are myriad reasons why someone would do this. Wanting a NSA fling is actually a desire for some people. Believe it or not, some people actually enjoy having sexual relations without emotions attached- including women. Some people, men and women both, are also able to separate sex and emotions, and don't necessarily put a moral value on sex itself. Shocking, I know.
Perhaps you should address the central point. Why would she sleep with some guy she doesn't care for, but make the man she really liked wait for 4 months? That makes no sense.
I GET having a one night stand, I've had a few myself. What is throwing me off is that on the same day she is texting me telling me that she wants a conservative man with values and can't wait to meet for coffee after church is concurrently setting up a date at a bar to hook up with a guy from Tinder.
When we met due to logistics, work and some other issues we did not see each other. Kept in loose contact and reconnected three months later. Then we waited a month before we had sex to make sure we were not rushing things. We both felt that this relationship had legs and wanted to make sure we were right for each other before we went to bed together.
Like I said before, trying to let this pass and needed to vent. I know the past is the past and we all make mistakes. But the timing of all this threw me for a loop.
Perhaps you should address the central point. Why would she sleep with some guy she doesn't care for, but make the man she really liked wait for 4 months? That makes no sense.
She didn't make him wait. As he said in his original post, they were too busy to meet for a few months.
Sorry, OP, I responded before seeing you did so as well.
Perhaps you should address the central point. Why would she sleep with some guy she doesn't care for, but make the man she really liked wait for 4 months? That makes no sense.
Because she felt like it. Women can decide what they want to do or not do at any given time, and we can also change our minds at any time.
If the OP has a problem with that, then he can move on.
I'll assume you're genuinely asking for help here, and so I won't judge your feelings or thoughts. Your actions are a different thing.
Whatever type of work you do, the little investigation you did is at the heart of what you're feeling right now. When you first thought "wait, what?" about dates or comments, you could have chosen to shake that off and you'd still be "blissfully ignorant". You chose to look into it, and that's the proximate cause of the confusing thoughts and painful emotions you're feeling now. Taking responsibility for your actions gives you some power in this, and I think it will help you feel less swept up in it.
As to how you're feeling now, feelings pass if you accept them and don't nurture them. I think you're nurturing the bad feelings right now. There are a lot of ways to stop doing that. I'd suggest you google something like "how to cope with painful emotions". You'll find a variety of suggestions, most of which will work if you commit them.
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Address the central point of the question.
