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I went through a really messy divorce where I was cheated on behind my back, so yes I understand that I am a little insecure. This thing pieced itself together while I was sitting at a traffic light, so I went back on my iPad which stores all of my old records of everything to confirm. The way my mind works for my job is to take bits and pieces of data and try to make sense of it. Then out of the blue the answer drops into my lap.
Again I was in blissful ignorance up until a week or so ago.
The Yelp review had a cryptic sentence or two in it that I never understood when I first read all of her Yelp reviews a year ago. Then when I pieced together the timing of the review and she wasn't "driving her kid back to college" like she said she was on that date it all made sense. This is all rather silly for me to obsess about, I have a woman who's crazy for me who doesn't give much thought at all to what I was up to before we met.
In your first post, you said you weren't quite sure of dates but now you have text and phone records from two years ago on your iPad. That's just ... wow. Can you please share what the Yelp review was? I know you must have that saved on your iPad too, and it's just fascinating. Was it like "Olive Garedn on Fairfield: FOUR STARS! Chickkn pomodoro was AWSOME plus I gott laid! BREADSTIXX!" What in the world was so cryptic and tantalizing that you spotted it and went down this sleuthing path?
Like I said in my original reply to you, I'm not going to tell you to get over it or not. That's really up to you to decide. Given your obsession about this, I'm not sure if you can. You didn't say if you had tried talking to your girlfriend about it.
Your efforts to link "innocence" and sexuality speaks to some deep-seated hangups around sex.
Did you go to Catholic school? Do you watch a lot of porn that stimulates feelings of shame and "being dirty"?
I don't see that at all, looks like the OP is trying to figure out what was running through her head. On the same day she is sending out innocent texts to him she is sending out texts to hook up with another guy. Obviously in the long run she was looking for a good guy to settle down with. That would mess with my mind as well.
In your first post, you said you weren't quite sure of dates but now you have text and phone records from two years ago on your iPad. That's just ... wow. Can you please share what the Yelp review was? I know you must have that saved on your iPad too, and it's just fascinating. Was it like "Olive Garedn on Fairfield: FOUR STARS! Chickkn pomodoro was AWSOME plus I gott laid! BREADSTIXX!" What in the world was so cryptic and tantalizing that you spotted it and went down this sleuthing path?
Like I said in my original reply to you, I'm not going to tell you to get over it or not. That's really up to you to decide. Given your obsession about this, I'm not sure if you can. You didn't say if you had tried talking to your girlfriend about it.
What I meant is that when it hit me I wasn't quite sure of the dates. I just remember vaguely going out around Thanksgiving. Then I went on my computer to look at all my texts to her and sure enough we started chatting a few days before Thanksgiving.
About a year ago I read her various Yelp reviews and there were a few lines that didn't make sense in that particular review. She just told me that she was tipsy when she posted it. Kind of hinted that her date that night would a one time thing. I just assumed he was a lousy date.
Will probably let sleeping dogs lie. Have not been given any reason to not trust her over the past two years. The few times she mentioned this one night stand she told me that she was homesick after moving, feeling depressed and had been drinking for a good chunk of the day. Not typical behavior for her.
I still don't see the connection. What in earth is an "innocent" text anyway? How does taking up an offer of NSA sex have anything to do with also wanting a LTR one day?
I know that I need to get over it. Not going to let this ruin two great years so far. Just kind of makes my stomach churn knowing that the week before we met the first time we were texting and chatting on the phone. So while we were having innocent conversations and setting up our first date, it appears that at the same time she was lining up a hook up.
What is wrong with you? How was she to know that the person she was chatting with, hadnt even met yet, would be the one she would want a relationship with? She aint got no crystal ball.
You'd better grow up. Be concerned with whats in front of you, not whats behind you. She did nothing wrong. She didnt cheat on you. She had a one night stand. Big freakin deal, she didnt even know you then.
That she is a middle aged female makes it seem worse. She should have better morals, better self control better SENSE at her age than to hop in bed with a stranger she met on some app, as though she were a 19y/o college student. Gives the impression she was desperate for male attention, even from a stranger. Ew.
Drunken postings, banging complete strangers WITHOUT protection, says something about her CHARACTER, and her decision making processes, and her morals, and her impulse control. She could have gotten HIV, was she too drunk to think of that? Too cavalier to care? Too desperate for sex? All are...unattractive possibilities.
Is that the sort of female you want to marry?
So yeah, I can totally see why this would give you pause.
Has nothing to do with being insecure nor possessive as some are suggesting.
I think what she did was kinda gross. More than kinda, really.
Yeah I can see it too. Some people will have stomach to churn it, some won't. We're all different. If you feel resentment, it's over.
That she is a middle aged female makes it seem worse. She should have better morals, better self control better SENSE at her age than to hop in bed with a stranger she met on some app, as though she were a 19y/o college student. Gives the impression she was desperate for male attention, even from a stranger. Ew.
Drunken postings, banging complete strangers WITHOUT protection, says something about her CHARACTER, and her decision making processes, and her morals, and her impulse control. She could have gotten HIV, was she too drunk to think of that? Too cavalier to care? Too desperate for sex? All are...unattractive possibilities.
Is that the sort of female you want to marry?
So yeah, I can totally see why this would give you pause.
Has nothing to do with being insecure nor possessive as some are suggesting.
I think what she did was kinda gross. More than kinda, really.
The OP was disappointed that he did not "get to" have sex with her on the first date, so most of that is pretty much moot.
OP, I do get what you are saying.
However, there is a huge flaw in the hang up you have.
You really have to just get over it.
Her past is her past. At least she was honest with you and didnt subject you to a potential STD. That is the behavior you look for in a partner. Someone who cares about your well being.
She could have just hooked up with you and never said anything. Then you still may and figured out about her ONS and then really had something to be upset about in that she was careless in her sexual behavior and bla bla bla.
In the end, she obviosuly didnt get HIV or anything, and didnt get pregnant. In the end, she did what all adults do at some point in their life. They make a bad decision or two and enjoy noncommital sex without birthcontrol or STD protection. .
You have to get over it. Just be glad she chilled out and didnt hook up with you immediately after the other guy.
I am a conservative guy myself, but in the past I have made some questionable decisions. things worked out ok, and it wasn't somethin I repeated over and over.
She is just like anyone else. She had some fun, and moved on. Let her past go, there's no doubt she has.
There are always people on these threads who will shame you for what you feel. Ignore them. It's not childish to expect that your significant other had some standards before they met you.
It's not because you think you own anyone. Feminist types are obsessed with the idea that every man thinks of every woman as an object. It's just a BS way of excusing a woman's lack of accountability. It's just a BS way of shaming you for what you feel and what you want in a woman. Your standards are yours, and no one else's. Ignore those with such low expectations of THEIR significant others.
Accountability to whom you ask? Accountability to the man she would eventually marry. Yes, even before she knew you. Some people think that a woman being a porn-star or prostitute, sleeping with the entire Army or your best friend all should not matter. That's fine if it doesn't matter to them, it matters to YOU and that's what matters.
Ignore the busy bodies who want to shame you for how you feel.
That being said, as an earlier poster mentioned, you need to either accept it or not. It's truly your choice. But if you decide that her having slept with that guy is something that will keep eating at you for years, move on. That does not make you a "child". It makes you a normal human being.
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