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I had my own place, nice car, nice job, can keep a conversation, termed nice by many, still didn't matter.
The whole notion that if you live with your parents you're a loser is just bad. Only in the US do you see this stigma.
It's all about the looks man. You're good looking and nice, nothing else matters. Trust me I have seen many examples of this over the years.
I'm an average looking guy with my act together...dating wasn't easy
I know a guy for example who worked as pizza delivery guy but the man I have to admit was very good looking and nice too. He lived in his brother's house. The amount of girls that he got and literally were infatuated with him were over 20.
He drove a beat up Malibu, even lost his license temporatily once for a DUI some years ago. He had girls picking him up in their cars..
Looks, looks, looks (works on both sides unfortunately)
It's been my experience that very young or less mature women go for looks. Women who are more interested in something lasting, women who are more mature, go for character and stability. I found it easier to date and have solid relationships as I got older. Of course, if you want to fool around a lot when younger, not being good looking does you no favors. I am just finding myself wondering if your pizza friend was mainly pulling in the younger crowd who were just using him for a fling since nothing lasted (younger girls looking for a good time as opposed to quality women looking for a relationship).
It's been my experience that very young or less mature women go for looks. Women who are more interested in something lasting, women who are more mature, go for character and stability. I found it easier to date and have solid relationships as I got older. Of course, if you want to fool around a lot when younger, not being good looking does you no favors. I am just finding myself wondering if your pizza friend was mainly pulling in the younger crowd who were just using him for a fling since nothing lasted (younger girls looking for a good time as opposed to quality women looking for a relationship).
I have to partially agree with you on the mature women and looks. I was in my early 30's and would prefer dating my age or even slightly older up to 38 (at that time). I rarely looked at women who were in the mid 20's or even younger. The younger ones were more superficial (generally speaking). The older ones or those close to my age were still concerned about what people would think of them when they see their friends with good looking guys that had a good job etc. So even the mature ones thought about looks more than substance.
We all have a preference but from my experience, as I got older, I became much less into the looks and more about substance.
Pizza boy (Adam) for the most part, these girls wanted a relationship with him and half the time he just wanted to score. A lot of them were like devastated when he broke up with them. I have known some of these girls since they lived in the same town.
Interestingly I had a chance to see some of them at the local pub after Adam. This one was a Physician's Assistant so highly educated but also a nice person. I asked her what she found in Adam (he is a nice guy as I said). Her first answer was 'he is gorgeous' (which he is). I knew Adam and he was a couch potato and liked video games. She on the other hand was the more outdoorsy type, so I was puzzled but she stuck with him until he called it quit for about 4 months. So both men and women would put up with a lot more if we were dating a 'hot' guy or gal.
Adam also wasn't a bright guy. Meanwhile I asked her in a straight forward way (nothing to lose) that I was around Adam and had my stuffs together and she knew me etc etc. She literally said, well I was so into him that nothing else mattered and admitted that it was superficial and even said that potential wise she knew he wasn't a compatible partner to grow with but again he was 'gorgeous'. Her friends even asked her afterwards 'how is the hottie?' meaning adam. I think it took her a while to get over him.
She is 1 of about 4 others that I know.
So my conclusion is that looks come first for most women (from a guy's perspective but I'm sure guys do the same).
I dated for a long time and sometimes just stopped lol
If you're in a place where all the guys are losers, where are the non-loser women? In the United States, people self-segregate along socioeconomic lines. I'm defining "loser" as someone with low socioeconomic status and with limited potential to improve it.
I also don't follow the logic about age. Sure, a together 40-something woman with no kid baggage is going to have no problem finding people to date. Why wouldn't the same be true for a 40-something man?
Good questions! My observations:
1. The vast majority of men and women of a certain age are adequately coupled, whether in marriage or some surrogate for marriage. If they divorce, they relatively quickly remarry. That leaves a small minority (I don't know... 20%?) for all other categories...
2. Amongst the unmarried or divorced (but not remarried) >40 set...
a. Most of these women are busy raising their kids - and perhaps not too keen on new relationships. On this admittedly I have little experience, because most of my dating is amongst the child-free.
b. A few "straggler" women, who don't yet have kids but wish to, are looking for a partner with whom to start a family.
c. The avowedly child-free women are content with casual contact. Many (most?) are not looking for a permanent partner.
d. The single men, meanwhile, ARE nearly all actively looking for a partner.
So the 40-something man "without baggage" is competing with hordes of his fellow-men, for the attention of a small number of comparable women.
Another factor is that the "non-loser" women - the career-women - the women who choose not to become homemakers etc. (not to insinuate that homemakers are "losers", but hopefully my meaning is clear here) - move out of the smaller towns. They gravitate to the glamour-cities. Men, meanwhile, may actually move into the smaller towns, to work as engineering-managers (for example) in male-dominated industries. So we have lots of men making deep 6-figures competing for a very small number of female counterparts.
No self-respecting man or woman over the age of 30 should still be living with their parents unless they have a disability or they are legitimately taking care of said parent. If you need help with rent, get a roommate.
If a man is 35 and still living with his mother, he has never learned to take care of himself. Personally, I don't want to take over the care and feeding of a helpless baby bird who can do nothing for himself and needs to have his mommy do everything for him. I don't want to take over as his mother.
No self-respecting man or woman over the age of 30 should still be living with their parents unless they have a disability or they are legitimately taking care of said parent. If you need help with rent, get a roommate.
Even though lets say the parents live close and have a nice big house and are cool parents who give you your privacy?
And as your parents get older you're there to help them just like they helped you as you grew older and they give you their house i.e mortgage free while helping around the house, do the lawn, snow shoveling in winters,
The satisfaction of not being in debt while being there for your folks as they grow older.
I have to partially agree with you on the mature women and looks. I was in my early 30's and would prefer dating my age or even slightly older up to 38 (at that time). I rarely looked at women who were in the mid 20's or even younger. The younger ones were more superficial (generally speaking). The older ones or those close to my age were still concerned about what people would think of them when they see their friends with good looking guys that had a good job etc. So even the mature ones thought about looks more than substance.
We all have a preference but from my experience, as I got older, I became much less into the looks and more about substance.
Pizza boy (Adam) for the most part, these girls wanted a relationship with him and half the time he just wanted to score. A lot of them were like devastated when he broke up with them. I have known some of these girls since they lived in the same town.
Interestingly I had a chance to see some of them at the local pub after Adam. This one was a Physician's Assistant so highly educated but also a nice person. I asked her what she found in Adam (he is a nice guy as I said). Her first answer was 'he is gorgeous' (which he is). I knew Adam and he was a couch potato and liked video games. She on the other hand was the more outdoorsy type, so I was puzzled but she stuck with him until he called it quit for about 4 months. So both men and women would put up with a lot more if we were dating a 'hot' guy or gal.
Adam also wasn't a bright guy. Meanwhile I asked her in a straight forward way (nothing to lose) that I was around Adam and had my stuffs together and she knew me etc etc. She literally said, well I was so into him that nothing else mattered and admitted that it was superficial and even said that potential wise she knew he wasn't a compatible partner to grow with but again he was 'gorgeous'. Her friends even asked her afterwards 'how is the hottie?' meaning adam. I think it took her a while to get over him.
She is 1 of about 4 others that I know.
So my conclusion is that looks come first for most women (from a guy's perspective but I'm sure guys do the same).
I dated for a long time and sometimes just stopped lol
Yep, guilty as charged. The guy I look down on the most today was also stupid-gorgeous in his prime and I will admit that I put up with way too much of his crap because I liked knowing that this stupid-hot guy chose ME over all these other girls. However, as many of these guys aren't too bright and make very crappy lifestyle choices, they usually age pretty badly. The hot ex is only entering his mid-30's and is already getting a bit long in the tooth. The hot band guys will usually end up with teeth rotting out of their heads by 40 and tons of wrinkles from smoking and doing too much cocaine.
1. The vast majority of men and women of a certain age are adequately coupled, whether in marriage or some surrogate for marriage. If they divorce, they relatively quickly remarry. That leaves a small minority (I don't know... 20%?) for all other categories...
2. Amongst the unmarried or divorced (but not remarried) >40 set...
a. Most of these women are busy raising their kids - and perhaps not too keen on new relationships. On this admittedly I have little experience, because most of my dating is amongst the child-free.
b. A few "straggler" women, who don't yet have kids but wish to, are looking for a partner with whom to start a family.
c. The avowedly child-free women are content with casual contact. Many (most?) are not looking for a permanent partner.
d. The single men, meanwhile, ARE nearly all actively looking for a partner.
So the 40-something man "without baggage" is competing with hordes of his fellow-men, for the attention of a small number of comparable women.
Another factor is that the "non-loser" women - the career-women - the women who choose not to become homemakers etc. (not to insinuate that homemakers are "losers", but hopefully my meaning is clear here) - move out of the smaller towns. They gravitate to the glamour-cities. Men, meanwhile, may actually move into the smaller towns, to work as engineering-managers (for example) in male-dominated industries. So we have lots of men making deep 6-figures competing for a very small number of female counterparts.
OK. Since you're ruling out 40-something divorced women with children from your pool, that eliminates a significant fraction of women who are both "together" and "available". I got divorced at around age 40. I don't remember having that problem. I think it depends on where you live and what you do with your leisure time. The reproductive rate among professional women is extremely low.
Lemmy and David Bowie both died at 69 and 70. I think that's still on the young side. I'm hoping to make it till about 80, I think if I can pull that off, it'll be a good thing, course when I'm 80, I might have second thoughts. My dad is 74, but he's a rough in bad shape 74.
Okay, Lemmy and David Bowie are not exactly reassuring in this context. But Keith Richards...
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Never crossed my mind. Dated many 35+ women with roommates, or owned a place and rented a room or two to help with making things easier. Not an issue at all. Much better than someone stretching themselves thin or not being able to go out and seize life because of being adamant about living alone.
Speak for yourself! I view home as sanctuary. One spends more time there than anywhere else. The peace of solitude is well worth a tight budget if necessary, to me at least. Just the thought of having a roommate makes my stomach churn. Not only would I not want to worry about them hearing an SO and me, or subjecting an SO to them, I would not want to hear them and their SOs or deal with a revolving door of boyfriends coming in and out of the place. Again, that's something very "junior" to me, for young people. At 49, I'm not going to worry about whether a roommate makes a bad dating decision and the next morning my jewelry is gone because I was at my SO's place to get away from the chaos and noise of mine. I'm too old for that ish!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
The price for being at a logistical disadvantage, is having to make more accommodation.
I made that accommodation to an ex-SO's phobia of being away from his own house. (I had my own place, he had his.) After 7 years of doing that, my conclusion is no man is worth that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
Unfortunately this view is becoming all too common, even if both potential partners are financially secure and have made excellent progress in life. While of course I respect your opinion and your choices, in the large I regret the prevalence of such views in society. The more that individuals rely on networks of friends, to supplant romantic partners, the lower the selection for potential partnerships.
It's not about money. It's about coping with a broken relationship or marriage while facing a life-threatening or debilitating illness or injury. Imagine your spouse leaving you as you undergo cancer treatment. Would you want to deal with that?
Yet millions of women do. Women are more likely to see a man through an illness like that regardless of the state of the marriage. Men are more likely to leave, even if the marriage was pretty decent. These are not absolutes, of course, but degrees of risk.
However, as I explained upthread, I believe it's generational. I think Millennials whose marriages survive the long term will be less likely to break up a marriage in their 50s when one spouse falls ill. At least, I hope so.
And in terms of potentially having to nurse someone through an illness, myself, look at it this way: Obviously I'm not marriage material if I balk at the "in sickness" part of "in sickness and in health" part of it. As others said on that thread in the Retirement forum, it's one thing if we'd been together for 20, 30 years. But only five or six? Not much of a foundation. And don't forget, many women my age have already been caregivers to children, or have even buried a spouse. I can't blame them one bit for not wanting to do that again.
It's so funny: On some threads we see angry young men postulating with great relish the prospect of the women who reject them winding up alone and lonely in their 40s and beyond, while they allegedly will be able to go out and get 25-year-old hotties. But everything I've seen unfolds the opposite way: The older men get, the more most of them want a partner, right when single women their age are less likely to want any great involvement. That's why I laugh when these mad lads spout their "you'll be sorry" routine. No, kids. No, we won't. Run along now and chase your 25-year-olds. Please.
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