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Why do too many women still look at American Men over 35, who don't have their own place like a scarlet letter?
There's a lot of discussion from disgruntled men about hypergamy. The literal definition is marrying above one's station but the term is overloaded to mean a lot more than that. Women at their peak of good looks are out looking for the perfect man. Only a 10 will do. Professional. Power over others. The trappings of financial success like home ownership. Physically fit. GQ looks. The most interesting man in the world. They're all competing for a very small pool of guys and everyone else is outside looking in. These women hit 30-something. The bio clock is ticking. They couldn't find their perfect 10. They're no longer "oh-my-god" hot and those GQ guys are looking at the 20-somethings. The stereotype goes that they then settle for a 5, get married, and punch out after 5 or 10 years with the kids because their 5 they settled for doesn't meet their expectations. A massively high percentage of divorces are initiated by women where the husband would be perfectly content to keep things at the status quo. Divorce court being what it is, the men get raked over the coals.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
In American or western culture is customary to live on one's own, other cultures, not so much, but here it's a sign of being a mature adult to be handling ones business. I just can't for the life of me think that it's acceptable to be 35 and having roommates or living at home.
Never crossed my mind. Dated many 35+ women with roommates, or owned a place and rented a room or two to help with making things easier. Not an issue at all. Much better than someone stretching themselves thin or not being able to go out and seize life because of being adamant about living alone.
In a place like Los Angeles nobody can afford to buy a place, even the average home costs 3/4 of a million dollars, it's a joke! Buying a home is only for the rich and famous these days not for the middle class.
See, women are going to get tired of always being the one to pack up, remember everything from prescriptions to phone charger, and stay over. It gets old.
The price for being at a logistical disadvantage, is having to make more accommodation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JasperJade
That's one reason why I am very hesitant to get back into dating, actually. I just don't know that I want to run the risk of nursing someone through an illness 10 years from now, especially when men are far less likely to return the favor for a woman even after 25 or 30 years of marriage (as has been discussed with links ad nauseum on here). I'm more inclined to focus on my network of single women friends for that, as having a good bunch of 7 or 8 women spreads the time burden around and no one has to live with anyone full-time for that.
Unfortunately this view is becoming all too common, even if both potential partners are financially secure and have made excellent progress in life. While of course I respect your opinion and your choices, in the large I regret the prevalence of such views in society. The more that individuals rely on networks of friends, to supplant romantic partners, the lower the selection for potential partnerships.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
If you're in a high cost of living place like me, no one bats an eyelash. I know loads of professional men and women earning 80-100k+ living with roommates. Generally it means they're financially smart and prudent.
Another rarity, when we agree. There are of course times when shared-housing bespeaks immaturity, poor life-decisions, lack of planning and the like. But let's not let appearances fool us. Many owners of fine houses are mired in debt. Many denizens of contemptible hovels are substantially wealthy.
Why do too many women still look at American Men over 35, who don't have their own place like a scarlet letter?
There's a lot of discussion from disgruntled men about hypergamy. The literal definition is marrying above one's station but the term is overloaded to mean a lot more than that. Women at their peak of good looks are out looking for the perfect man. Only a 10 will do. Professional. Power over others. The trappings of financial success like home ownership. Physically fit. GQ looks. The most interesting man in the world. They're all competing for a very small pool of guys and everyone else is outside looking in. These women hit 30-something. The bio clock is ticking. They couldn't find their perfect 10. They're no longer "oh-my-god" hot and those GQ guys are looking at the 20-somethings. The stereotype goes that they then settle for a 5, get married, and punch out after 5 or 10 years with the kids because their 5 they settled for doesn't meet their expectations. A massively high percentage of divorces are initiated by women where the husband would be perfectly content to keep things at the status quo. Divorce court being what it is, the men get raked over the coals.
You pretty much just make stuff up, type it in here and click post, don't you?
Last edited by I love boots.; 02-08-2016 at 06:11 PM..
In a place like Los Angeles nobody can afford to buy a place, even the average home costs 3/4 of a million dollars, it's a joke! Buying a home is only for the rich and famous these days not for the middle class.
Sad reality in LA, for sure, if you didn't get in within the last 15 yrs or so, you're toast unless you're pulling down 6 figures and the old lady is pulling down near there too.
We bought back in the late 90's, a condo and for what I thought was fortune at the time, but looking back it's a pittance comparatively speaking. Our mortgage with HOA and property taxes is still cheaper than the rent at apartment complex down the street from us.
Sad, I think things are going to be changing in the next several yrs, the American dream isn't as attainable as it once was. People shouldn't have to be spending 48 to 50 percent of their money on housing, just not a good place to be financially, whether they own or rent, it's tough out there.
IDK... people are still paying it though, I guess the desire to live in So Cal must mean something, as we get flyers in the mail from local real estate agents asking if we want to sell as they've got buyer and we're in a desirable building. Some where someone's got the greenbacks to be buying as the market is starting to make a comeback, at least here it is.
Never crossed my mind. Dated many 35+ women with roommates, or owned a place and rented a room or two to help with making things easier. Not an issue at all. Much better than someone stretching themselves thin or not being able to go out and seize life because of being adamant about living alone.
Doesn't' surprise me as you and I live in completely different worlds, as most of the things you write I can't get my head around or have ever heard of.
I've worked with professional types for 23 plus yrs, engineers, project managers, high end sales types all making 6 figures and I've never once heard of people in those circles having roommates, but whatever, I can see on some level if you rented out a room in your house to someone you can save a few bucks and all of that.
I'm just too old and set in my ways to have a roomie, I like the freedom of having my own space and not sharing, of course I've got Mrs. Chow but that's not the same as some smelly dude living with me.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
Doesn't' surprise me as you and I live in completely different worlds, as most of the things you write I can't get my head around or have ever heard of.
I've worked with professional types for 23 plus yrs, engineers, project managers, high end sales types all making 6 figures and I've never once heard of people in those circles having roommates, but whatever, I can see on some level if you rented out a room in your house to someone you can save a few bucks and all of that.
In Boston or San Francisco, I never knew anyone, from B4 (or 5 or 6) depending on the year, public accounting firm people, to engineers, to private equity and VC people, or medicine or anything that lived alone (other than rent control in SF), d... they just weren't dumb enough to throw 1500, 2000, 2500 + on a small place in the city. They were home so rarely. The ones that did live alone actually didn't live in the city but lived 45-60 minutes out for the "priveledge" of living alone. Woman I dated last year had 3 roommates and was earning over 90k as a project manager for a energy demand response firm. Not at all unusual.
If anything, living alone raises eyebrows as it makes me wonder about whether they're depending on mommy and daddy's money, or they're priorities are whack, even if they are at 6 figures.
I only rent alone as I'm paying well below market for a non updated hovel, and I got lucky. He could add 50% and rent it out in a day.
Places like Chicago, or Madison, or my friends in Sacramento or San Diego or Houston or whatever are different. Those places are relatively cheap.
You pretty much just make stuff up, type it in here and click post, don't you?
Nope. Someone recently wrote "hypergamy" in a thread here. It was a new term to me so I Googled it. I wrote a synopsis of what I extracted from a few hours of reading articles and blogs.
If you had even a thimbleful of intellectual curiosity, you could do the same thing instead of flaming people.
There is a ton being written about what would normally be marriage-age men dropping out. My first exposure to it was Hikikomori in Japan. A million 20 to 30ish men living at home completely dropped out of society. Video games. That bizarre Japanese anime pron. There is an awful lot of junior grade version of that elsewhere in the first world.
I've worked with professional types for 23 plus yrs, engineers, project managers, high end sales types all making 6 figures and I've never once heard of people in those circles having roommates, but whatever, I can see on some level if you rented out a room in your house to someone you can save a few bucks and all of that.
Yep, unless they're H1B visa indentured servant engineers. I can remember new grad engineers who did roommates for a year or two. If you're making 10%er or better income, the roommate thing rarely lasts long.
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