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I know men who have never left the nest and are now well past 40. I'd avoid a guy like that, if the apron strings have clearly never been cut.
But I also have a guy friend who went through a divorce and moved back to Philly from across the country. His official residence is with his mother, but he travels so frequently on business that he's rarely there. His mom also doesn't drive, is single, and is looking toward retirement, so he feels a little bit of responsibility to take care of her---especially after how much she supported him during the divorce.
He could easily afford his own place but it just doesn't make sense to him, and who am I to judge that?
I would take it on a case by case basis, but then again I'm not like most people and I'm not really that into material things, so there's that too.
Why do too many women still look at American Men over 35, who don't have their own place like a scarlet letter?
Because it is. And don't limit the question to women. Men don't respect another man who is over 35 that still lives at home with his parents except in the most unusual (and temporary) of circumstances. In some non-American, First World cultures this may be acceptable. But I think that even in those cultures there is an expectation that a man has to get out of his parent's house eventually. And if the culture is in the Third World, then you can't make the comparison because in those cultures the dating, relationships, and marriage environment does not exist here.
Besides, what man would want to live at home with his parents?
How about "SOME men" since believe it or not, we're not all alike anymore than ALL women are gold-diggers.
You see, some of us take things like vows, loyalty, responsibility and love seriously.
Please re-read what I wrote. I said "far less likely to." That is not the same as "don't" or "won't."
However, your knee-jerk reaction leads me to believe I struck a nerve, and that would be understandable. Enough of today's middle-aged men cut and run when a woman falls ill that it's dang near part of the stereotype of a midlife crisis. I've heard, read, and seen enough that I believe marriage or remarriage for a woman after 50 is an iffy proposition in that regard unless she marries someone younger.
It's not so much the age as the generation: Most Baby Boomer men had mothers who did not work outside the home, especially when the men were young children, so it is impressed upon them at a tender age that the woman is the caregiver. (Their WWII parents didn't make any point to dissuade them of that, either, like today's parents might.) When it doesn't work out that way, they often don't know how to handle it, or the double-duty of working and caregiving that women of their generation did for many years when their kids were small as part of the whole "have it all, do it all" yuppie thirtysomething attitude of the late 80s through the late 90s. They get overwhelmed with the domestic and financial changes and end up leaving or getting caught in an affair and divorced.
I think that is less likely among Gen-Xers, and will be much less likely when Millennials are that age. I think it's less likely to work out that way when a guy grows up with a working mother, both because he sees women in his immediate family in roles other than as caregivers and because his father was more likely to have been more involved in the day-to-day nurturing part of child-rearing, so the guy is more likely to have seen a man in a caregiving role. Some of this goes hand-in-hand with changes in parenting/co-parenting, as well as more equitable child custody after divorce. One SO I had in my early 20s was the first kid in his state whose father won full custody in a divorce, back in the 80s. Times have changed for the better in this respect.
Last edited by JasperJade; 02-08-2016 at 10:41 PM..
Reason: I hate typing on my tablet!
Over 35 year old man or woman living with roommates is no problem, but still living at home is a big fat no.
Coming from a woman - women are attracted to men who have some level of ambition and some promise of being successful either currently or at least in the future because no woman wants to live her married life in her mother-in-law's basement. If by 35 years old a guy can't even support himself to the point of living independently of his parents, how is he going to be able to ever afford to support kids?
Even in an expensive city, most adults will live with multiple roommates rather than in mom's basement. Most well-adjusted adults have no interest in living under their parent's roof unless it's a dire emergency. Living with parents after 35 for either gender is a huge sign that that person is more of a child than an adult - and probably always will be.
That is a bunch of hooey when truth is told, women are attracted to the men they are attracted to and men are attracted to women they are attracted to. It isn't until said men and women get out their checklist of requirements when the trouble begins. Especially if one does not stick around to find out why one lives where they do. Physical attraction generally lasts until old age or the judgements begin........
Nope. Someone recently wrote "hypergamy" in a thread here. It was a new term to me so I Googled it. I wrote a synopsis of what I extracted from a few hours of reading articles and blogs.
If you had even a thimbleful of intellectual curiosity, you could do the same thing instead of flaming people.
There is a ton being written about what would normally be marriage-age men dropping out. My first exposure to it was Hikikomori in Japan. A million 20 to 30ish men living at home completely dropped out of society. Video games. That bizarre Japanese anime pron. There is an awful lot of junior grade version of that elsewhere in the first world.
No, I'm not going to spend a few hours of my life reading about a million men doing nothing. You do have me there.
I knew two white guys that bought a house together and living like roommates at 35 and older until one guy got married. It's in Silicon Valley and they were both engineers. It depends on the area.
Engineers make a decent living in Silicon valley. We (my partner) just hired a process engineer - starting him off at 152k, with not much experience, imo. He tells me cant afford the area and elects to live in Oakland. I'm temporarily renting a 2bedroom condo in Santa Clara for $3,600 month; which I find pretty pricey.
A lot of people over 35 who still live with their parents just "failed to launch" as others said. They never really seemed to grow up. Yes, there are exceptions, but let's face it, when you think of a man or woman over 35 who never left the nest, what's the first thing you think of? Probably someone who can't cut it on their own, isn't together enough to make it in the world, etc. If you are a man living on your own, paying your own bills, can you tell me you really have any respect for a peer who can't do the same? So why should women respect them?
As I said, there are exceptions, but there are exceptions to everything and people write them off. Take single mom's for example. Some guys write off any single mom (and a lot assume she must be poor, with low values, etc). But what about the widowed woman who has a child from her late husband? She's an exception but do you think the men who wrote her off along with other single mom's thinks about that? Should be be required to? Would you want to be required to think of all the exceptions to your deal breakers?
The reality is people don't see those exceptions, they see the norm. Is it fair to the people who are exceptions? No, but that's life. It's not fair.
I had my own place, nice car, nice job, can keep a conversation, termed nice by many, still didn't matter.
The whole notion that if you live with your parents you're a loser is just bad. Only in the US do you see this stigma.
It's all about the looks man. You're good looking and nice, nothing else matters. Trust me I have seen many examples of this over the years.
I'm an average looking guy with my act together...dating wasn't easy
I know a guy for example who worked as pizza delivery guy but the man I have to admit was very good looking and nice too. He lived in his brother's house. The amount of girls that he got and literally were infatuated with him were over 20.
He drove a beat up Malibu, even lost his license temporatily once for a DUI some years ago. He had girls picking him up in their cars..
Looks, looks, looks (works on both sides unfortunately)
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