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I'm glad that it's funny. Because I feel useless and rejected. I think it's over and I honestly am so hurt. Oh well.
Well, you set your own self up for this by being so intolerant about porn. The fact is, most guys are probably going to do this, although there is a small percentage of guys out there who really don't care about porn one way or the other and don't watch it at all.
Like most things in life, a moderate consumption is probably nothing to worry about. And it has nothing to do with his being attracted to you or not. The rejection is all in your head.
Second fact, most men watch porn and masturbate at times. It has NOTHING to do with you or how much he loves you. You can have the best sex life in the world, and sometimes it is just easier to not involve a partner and get a little quick relief by taking care of your immediate urges. It does not mean ANYTHING about your relationship or how attracted he is to you, he just occasionally has the desire to look at a little stimulating porn and relieve himself
"For most women, there's no need to worry. Whatever may be drawing a man to porn, it's seldom a reflection on his partner, says sex therapist Lonnie Barbach, PhD, in practice in San Francisco
...
Once Kate realized that porn was not her replacement and Tom felt less ashamed about his habit, the couple talked more easily about their sex life. "
Shaming rarely is going to make any progress in a relationship. If anything it will just breed internal conflict and resentment. Aim to figure out how to talk openly about the topic and compromise on it.
I'd say your reaction is over the top. Ask yourself why you feel threatened. Is it that he isn't attentive enough? Or is it your own self worth failing?
Men are inherently DESIGNED to wander, spread their seed. We needed that to establish human existence. Sort of moot now that we are facing a population crisis. But it is still how nature designed us. Monogamy is a woman thing. She needs a man that can feed her and protect her and her children. She wants him close always. She needs him to bring home the mastodon steaks regularly. But his instinct is to make as many children as he can far and wide.
So, getting his woolly off while staring at pictures is better than him running off making babies. A man that relieves his nature by fantasizing about strange women is less likely to stray. You could look at it as relationship security.
But to your own admittance, it isn't that he watches porn or fluffs his own pillow. It's that he said he didn't. Most likely that may have been true, but now he has found new horizons that feed that inherent need. His reluctance to be honest is based on his respect for you. You have implied that it is wrong. He wants to please you but he needs to please his wanderlust, too. I think it is you making it difficult for him, not vise versa. (Ha, vice versa...get it?)
Why not give him his space? Hell, you could spice up your own life by helping him. Put on a sexy video and a skimpy near nothing and show him you aren't threatened. Show him his prn is just background. You are the real deal. His stimulation could well stimulate you. Might be the best sex you two ever had.
I'll tell you a little secret OP (and it's no secret). All guys do both. And if they say they don't, they're lying.
how exactly do you know this? because you read it on the internet? because a bunch of guys have told you it is so? so it must be true? because you know every single male on this planet and you know for a fact that each and every one of them watches porn and masturbates too?
ridiculous. and i'm cracking up at the poster who thinks that if a guy doesn't do either then he must need to see a doctor.
Personally I am not into porn at all. I have tried watching it before when I was married and I felt yucky. I also was disturbed at some of the things the women were doing for money. I believe women are objectified and used like a piece of meat in the sex industry and also porn takes away the sexual energy which should be directed towards your partner.
As for the OP, my main concern would be that he lied to you and continues to lie. There is no excuse for lying to someone you claim to love. Also the tranny part reminded me of Hank & Kendra from the reality show. Both red flags!
Well, you set your own self up for this by being so intolerant about porn. The fact is, most guys are probably going to do this, although there is a small percentage of guys out there who really don't care about porn one way or the other and don't watch it at all.
Like most things in life, a moderate consumption is probably nothing to worry about. And it has nothing to do with his being attracted to you or not. The rejection is all in your head.
This. 10000%. Good luck finding guys who absolutely never watch porn. I'd be more scared of those guys personally. Moderate consumption of porn is pretty normal for a guy and no, they aren't fantasizing about those women before or after the fact. Typically guys are visual and most dig some amount of porn. It typically shouldn't be seen as some kind of major rejection of the SO.
Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but believe a dude's masturbation schedule is none of my dang business. Everyone is entitled to a certain degree of privacy, and snooping in someone's phone is just asking for trouble.
All this. The BF is baing dishonest because he knows you were going to freak out about him masturbating and watching porn. I'll tell you a little secret OP (and it's no secret). All guys do both. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Just ask your BF
No, its to save ourselves from the mess the OP is in!!
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