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I have enjoyed reading the thread, thanks for sharing!
I have worked from home (at my main job) since April 2020. When Covid hit and those of who went to the office daily started working from home, I looked at the numbers and sent my bosses a spreadsheet showing the saving of WFH being being a permanent thing. There were only 3 of us who were there every day as the sales team already worked from home offices, so it really made sense.
Anyway, I have adjusted to the working from home, and it allows me to take care of things in my downtime, so that is a plus. I did recently get another P/T job outside of the house so I can be around people. Not always a positive, but it makes for some interesting evenings!
There are things I love about the company I work for and they do take great care of us. The work itself, I'm not always passionate about, but it's alright, and my position is cozy, I've carved out a unique niche and established myself as this "subject matter expert" and I don't fear my job being replaced by anyone overseas. We do have a big India office, but they do other things.
I get a bit annoyed with the "quiet quitting" concept, just because of my situation I guess. I'm not trying to quit in any way, but I am working less overtime. My workload at the moment makes it a reasonable choice. My boss would only question if I'm quiet quitting in he compares it to the last couple years, where I worked INSANE amounts of OT. Like it was 1/3 of my gross pay, overtime, both of those years. But I had more projects happening at that time. And expect to in the future, too. But they told me they were worried about my work life balance, and wanted me to cut back the extra hours, at the same time they promoted me to salaried. Since it has made sense with the workload, I have.
But I'm still putting in at least my 40, often a little more, and getting the work done. Everyone else takes more time off than I do. So I'm not worried about it.
I've been on this forum for many years now and I'm just still sorta surprised by just how much engineering and analyzing that so many people do looking for a spouse.
Stats, numbers, LOL.
I know I've been out of the game for a long time, but in real life, not here in CD land, the land of stuff I never see in real life, mostly here on this forum. Is dating really that much of a planned out, numbers game? Apps and dating sites and matchmakers, etc etc etc.
Is anything organic anymore?
I peruse this forum and the top ten threads just seem either not real or exaggerated or some version of things that don't seem real.
I've been on this forum for many years now and I'm just still sorta surprised by just how much engineering and analyzing that so many people do looking for a spouse.
Stats, numbers, LOL.
I know I've been out of the game for a long time, but in real life, not here in CD land, the land of stuff I never see in real life, mostly here on this forum. Is dating really that much of a planned out, numbers game? Apps and dating sites and matchmakers, etc etc etc.
Is anything organic anymore?
I peruse this forum and the top ten threads just seem either not real or exaggerated or some version of things that don't seem real.
Not across the board, but just loosely saying.
I think people are way too hung up on finding a significant other for unhealthy reasons:
They want that fairytale romance.
Too hung up on doing things in a certain time frame.
They're lonely and don't know what to do about it.
External and internal pressures.
Unrealistic expectations about life and relationships.
Entitlement.
A distraction.
Etc.
I've been in a lot of online forums and have been seeing clients IRL (training to be a therapist), and these are the common themes I see. I don't think a lot of people really know themselves enough to understand what a relationship would mean to them. Because a lot of people get it and still complain. Relationships are things that happen when you talk to people and grow a bond with them. Going out looking for that, isn't really natural nor is it necessary most of the time. But things are different these days with the advent of the internet, the pandemic, and more people staying home. A lot of people are not ready to face the person they need to love the most. Themselves.
My son got me to watch Bo Burnham: Inside and it was so...honest. I enjoyed it, but it kind of illustrated some things about how life has changed for the younger generations, progressively. I have also watched even older people isolate in their homes and spend too much time on the internet and on social media and watching targeted alarmist news (propaganda) stuff... The effect is that there are some people who actually think that everybody outside of their safe little home space is possibly or likely bad. That crime is worse than it really is, that extremism of one kind or another has taken over. That danger stalks the streets and no one can be trusted and there's nothing good to see in people. That just having a nice little chat with a stranger is cause for ANXIETY. Nobody knows their neighbors, nobody is out there trying to connect unless they absolutely must. Unless driven by some imperative, like earning money to survive or trying to secure a goal of love, sex, romance or family building... This isolation is a disaster for human mental health. Like I know we had to distance because of Covid and stuff, but this did not start with the pandemic. The internet, I believe, is more responsible. Because talking to people through a screen just is not a real substitute for interacting in person.
Some isolated individuals are looking everywhere for someone to be their enemy, they've been convinced that there is a THREAT lurking just outside their door.
And some of these guys have become convinced that the threat, or one of them, is women. But basically I'm just like, women are people...how you gonna date a woman if you don't even like people? They act like they don't need to like her as long as they "find her attractive." Sheesh.
Well. There are still people out there who are engaging in healthier human interaction. Fortunately, despite all their talk that it's a crisis or a movement or whatever...I think that the extremes we see in this forum are pretty rare cases, but possibly increasing in the younger generations.
This isolation is a disaster for human mental health. Like I know we had to distance because of Covid and stuff, but this did not start with the pandemic. The internet, I believe, is more responsible. Because talking to people through a screen just is not a real substitute for interacting in person.
I can definitely see that--the internet has definitely made things easier, but at the same time there are people who get all of their food and clothes and items online. They don't want to call and make a dentist appointment or go to a doctor's office. A lot of the Boomer advice that's given on this forum is to put down the phone and get out there, but that's scary and not how things are done.
I can definitely see that--the internet has definitely made things easier, but at the same time there are people who get all of their food and clothes and items online. They don't want to call and make a dentist appointment or go to a doctor's office. A lot of the Boomer advice that's given on this forum is to put down the phone and get out there, but that's scary and not how things are done.
Not just Boomer advice, I'm on the youngest end of Gen X and it's my advice, too.
And I know, we're not going back, the internet is here to stay...and I do credit it with lots of good stuff, too. I love being able to manage my finances online and in spreadsheets, to work remotely, and yes even to connect with others. I actually like Facebook. I do feel kinda naked without my phone on my person. BUT. I haven't cut off all desire to interact with people in the world though. It's augmented my life, not replaced it with something artificial, I feel.
That's the other thing about the phones. Even if you do go out to where the people are, if you just lurk alone staring at your phone, you're sending clear signals to others that you are disengaged from socializing and not available to talk. If one wishes to make connections, one must put the phone away and look around.
I recall being at a party one night, and in the social area was a good friend of mine...she looked troubled, upset, but she was staring at her phone. Another point later, I mentioned that I'd seen her and wondered if she was OK but she did not appear to want interaction in that moment so I was trying to respect that. She told me actually she would have really appreciated having someone to talk to. There I was trying not to be intrusive, but she was lonely and hurting.
And I've talked about this sort of stuff with my son, too. He says he's lonely and wants friends, maybe a girlfriend... But get him in social situations and he feels anxious and uncomfortable, doesn't want people to talk to him and wishes he was elsewhere. Needs not getting met either way. I think, too, people get really in their head about the question of what others think of them, how they compare to other people. It has been in kinda recent years that I've been getting over that myself in some regards. There are these beautiful women I know who still have insecurities and self criticisms...eventually you realize we are ALL awkward. We're all in this being imperfect and unsure of ourselves. Almost no one is truly unshakably confident. Those who act like they are, are often the most insecure of all. We're all just people and no one deserves to be on a pedestal, nor to be put down... Except insofar as one may have opinions of those who act with goodness and kindness, or conversely with meanness and nastiness. But the rest? Doesn't matter all that much.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,995,252 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sonic_Spork
I worry about shifts in mental and social health.
My son got me to watch Bo Burnham: Inside and it was so...honest. I enjoyed it, but it kind of illustrated some things about how life has changed for the younger generations, progressively. I have also watched even older people isolate in their homes and spend too much time on the internet and on social media and watching targeted alarmist news (propaganda) stuff... The effect is that there are some people who actually think that everybody outside of their safe little home space is possibly or likely bad. That crime is worse than it really is, that extremism of one kind or another has taken over. That danger stalks the streets and no one can be trusted and there's nothing good to see in people. That just having a nice little chat with a stranger is cause for ANXIETY. Nobody knows their neighbors, nobody is out there trying to connect unless they absolutely must. Unless driven by some imperative, like earning money to survive or trying to secure a goal of love, sex, romance or family building... This isolation is a disaster for human mental health. Like I know we had to distance because of Covid and stuff, but this did not start with the pandemic. The internet, I believe, is more responsible. Because talking to people through a screen just is not a real substitute for interacting in person.
.
This issue we see so much on this forum. Overall, crime has been going down (outside a few years of crack epidemic, and 2 years during covid) continuously for 50 years. This is especially true of violent crime.
Yet, people live more fearful than ever. It's really about the 24/7 news cycle coupled with "if it bleeds, it leads" rating chase by for profit "news" media outlets.
This issue we see so much on this forum. Overall, crime has been going down (outside a few years of crack epidemic, and 2 years during covid) continuously for 50 years. This is especially true of violent crime.
Yet, people live more fearful than ever. It's really about the 24/7 news cycle coupled with "if it bleeds, it leads" rating chase by for profit "news" media outlets.
This is one reason I have kinda...I dunno, not fully hated the fact that I still talk to my ex sometimes. Like it's one thing to hear crazy talk on the internet and you wonder, "are these people for real?" But he went right down the Q-anon rabbit hole after we split. If a few of his life logistics had been a little different he very well would have gone to the 1/6 thing. He's that type of dude. He craves a civil war.
And yet.
In 2016, he said with all this weird anxiety in his voice, "If Hillary wins, we will be at war with Russia, is that what you want?" In hindsight, I'm like...wait dude, Red Dawn is your favorite movie. You're not making sense.
And I mentioned to him at some point or other (I've done this 3 times) that I was going to march in the Pride parade in Colorado Springs, and he said I shouldn't because it's such a big public gathering, it would be so inviting for terrorists or mass shooters. Also that because of "Sanctuary City Liberals" I should not go downtown because there are "Muslim rape gangs" that could be anywhere and will just take a woman down right there in the street.
Excuse me?
But he's hunkered down with his old Army buddy in their cruddy little house, immersed in stuff that just has him completely freaked out.
So actually hearing bits of what he thinks from his own mouth, it's like "Yeah, the crazies are out there, and this is what they believe...yes, for real." Guys who simultaneously think that they are total badasses and have all the guns they need to repel all comers, yet hunker down in terror about imaginary nonsense outside their front door. I guess in his terms what I get out of this is "intel."
And, too, more pertinent to this here forum...guys who believe that when an average or better woman leaves the house, all sorts of great guys are offering solid long term relationships everywhere we go. Do they go outside? Where do they see this? I can only assume it's Hollywood. Wait. Is it musicals? Do they think these fellas are spinning up around a lamp post with flowers in their hands?
When you don't engage with reality, I guess, reality can be whatever you imagine...for better or for worse.
I think people are way too hung up on finding a significant other for unhealthy reasons:
They want that fairytale romance.
Too hung up on doing things in a certain time frame.
They're lonely and don't know what to do about it.
External and internal pressures.
Unrealistic expectations about life and relationships.
Entitlement.
A distraction.
Etc.
I've been in a lot of online forums and have been seeing clients IRL (training to be a therapist), and these are the common themes I see. I don't think a lot of people really know themselves enough to understand what a relationship would mean to them. Because a lot of people get it and still complain. Relationships are things that happen when you talk to people and grow a bond with them. Going out looking for that, isn't really natural nor is it necessary most of the time. But things are different these days with the advent of the internet, the pandemic, and more people staying home. A lot of people are not ready to face the person they need to love the most. Themselves.
I'm sure that there are many factors involved. Your list is a pretty good collection of ideas.
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