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Yet another echo of this subforum on my Facebook today. A friend posted that dating really sucks lately, just observing that not only is he having a rough go of it, but he feels like "things" in general, even for good people with a lot to offer, seem to be getting worse, more difficult. In the many comments on his post, I saw:
- A man who complained that the only women who want to date him are weird goth girls with tattoos and he's not into that. A few sentences later says that he is being "discriminated against" because he collects hearses.
- A man whose name was literally "Chad McChad" who said that women are way too picky.
- An older gentleman with a strange moustache who said that he just prefers "cyber" and that dating is a lot easier when you are "a muscular anthropomorphic lion on Second Life."
- A man who claims that there is a decree from "the Cosmos" for women to avoid him, and that women only like abusive d-bags who drive trucks, and then says he does not look women in the eye, smile at them, or talk to them anymore because that can get you a "restraining order for sexual harassment." (Wow, like anxiety, avoidance and trivializing the concept of sexual misconduct, is somehow not getting you dates with women? I'm shocked...)
Honestly at this point it's like...instead of "People of Walmart" I'm observing all of this like, "People of the Internet."
- A man who complained that the only women who want to date him are weird goth girls with tattoos and he's not into that. A few sentences later says that he is being "discriminated against" because he collects hearses.
That's...interesting. I'd venture to guess that the venn diagram for guys who collect hearses and weird goth girls would generally be a circle, but it takes all kinds.
Better news about your kid, as well. I'm not a parent, but I can't imagine how difficult it must be to watch him struggle from afar.
That's...interesting. I'd venture to guess that the venn diagram for guys who collect hearses and weird goth girls would generally be a circle, but it takes all kinds.
Better news about your kid, as well. I'm not a parent, but I can't imagine how difficult it must be to watch him struggle from afar.
We had more good news today. The last of his medical paperwork has gone through and he's got a ship out date for Job Corps that is less than 2 weeks off. It won't be easy for him there, but it's got to beat the heck out of dealing with his Dad or being homeless so I'm really hopeful about it.
We had more good news today. The last of his medical paperwork has gone through and he's got a ship out date for Job Corps that is less than 2 weeks off. It won't be easy for him there, but it's got to beat the heck out of dealing with his Dad or being homeless so I'm really hopeful about it.
This is good news. My ex-husbands brother went through the Job corps program when he was young, and it did help him maturity wise, and he came out with a better outlook on his life. They had a cousin that went too, and he totally grew up and became a more responsible adult.
I went through a horrible time with my own son, years of issues and problems, so I know how it feels. I was also away from him for 2 years when I lived in Oregon. It's very tough. Sending you both positive vibes!
This is good news. My ex-husbands brother went through the Job corps program when he was young, and it did help him maturity wise, and he came out with a better outlook on his life. They had a cousin that went too, and he totally grew up and became a more responsible adult.
I went through a horrible time with my own son, years of issues and problems, so I know how it feels. I was also away from him for 2 years when I lived in Oregon. It's very tough. Sending you both positive vibes!
Yeah, it can be tough. Many families have someone in their family that has issues, drugs, whatever it may be. Mrs. Chow's brother has a son that is out living on the streets. He's in his mid 30's now.
I think about him a lot. I knew the kid since he was a little kid. Him and his brother. Her brother had his own business and they lived in a nice house, the whole bit. The family was upper middle-class family.
This kid had every advantage you could ask for, smart, handsome, tall, whatever, just across the board. He got involved with drugs and it went downhill.
It's been years now and I keep hoping that one day we'll get a call from her brother saying how the son found his way to get sober and is getting on with his life.
Not to be a downer here, but I'm starting to think that that may never happen.
It's a rollercoaster, and I'm really very hopeful that if my kid can get away from his Dad, maybe Job Corps will work out for him. I mean, he says he's been sober for the last week. He was only ever on (constant) weed and (occasional) LSD really, though now and then he took something he was given without really questioning what it was, and I was really worried about that because nowadays if you're buying something on the street, no matter what they tell you it is, it's a mystery pill or powder that is likely to be Fentanyl in full or in part... But the weed was a big, big problem. And I think it's fair to say that a kid who has diagnosed schizo-affective disorder, at the least, and is on antipsychotics, should NOT be using cannabis, even without getting into an argument about the overall help or harm of it to regular people. He was acting like an addict. Sketchy people, drama, lost everything of value he had, lied, stole, ended up briefly sleeping in a tent in a patch of woods behind a shopping center... That's addict s*** right there. It isn't "only weed" or "only" anything if it's destroying your life.
He says he sees that now. And that he believes that he needs to leave it behind for good. I've been hopeful that if he could just really get it out of his system, he'd come to the same conclusion I did in my youth, which is that he is a lot better off without it. Personally, once I got past a few weeks of cravings, I didn't miss it.
My son...he's had advantages and disadvantages. Disadvantages are mental and physical health issues and a father who just can't and won't stop throwing trauma at him. He will need to get away from him, but over the years, either he's had no other place to stay and wound up back there, and/or he's had this emotional need to gravitate back, reaching for something from his father that a son needs, but his dad cannot be or do. I've told him, he needs to look for that need to be met somewhere else. He needs male role models, mentors, people he can respect who can speak truth to him...
Advantages though? He's tall and beautiful. I mean it, he has gorgeous bone structure, great hair, he's a pretty kid. If he could get his head together, which I believe is totally possible if he gets away from drugs and his Dad, then he could have a good life, attract good partners. He can shmooze and he can get hired anywhere he tries to get a job, he just hasn't been able to keep jobs. He is not lacking in empathy, but he does not have a good foundation for relationship skills, hopefully I can say "yet" and it is something he can still develop. He needs to get healthy and sober and be around others who are healthy and sober. That's all there is to it. He has my help, still. He had a very generous GI Bill entitlement from his dad that would have paid for college, but at this point I don't expect he'll make any further use of that, unfortunately.
Last night we had such a good conversation, he's going to church now, is planning to go to NA, he's got a job with people who like him, are kind and accommodating and want to see him succeed. It's only temporary, but it's good. He's optimistic about Job Corps though he knows it won't be easy. He says he hasn't touched drugs in the last week and while I don't know if that's true, I want to believe him. He sounds more clear headed anyways. But then this morning, he apparently woke up at 3am and was cold, the space heater in the camper was off, and he decided he was just going to get up since he went to bed early...so he went in the house to use the bathroom and was going to take a brisk walk to clear his mind and his Dad got up and yelled at him that every time he used to go for walks he was looking for drugs, and made him go back to bed. Then at 6, his Dad went to the camper to wake him for work (which he shouldn't even be doing) and the kid was asleep on the floor (he says because it was cold and he wanted to be nearer the heater) and his Dad was kicking him and screaming at him that he must have gotten high again. And they had a blowup, and kid walked off with nothing and called the police. His Dad was trying to throw him out again. The cops said he could not legally do that, he had to follow eviction processes. Kid went to a mental health facility to be "evaluated" for threats of self harm, but did not stay.
Like I had my phone blowing up from 5am my time, though I put it on silent when I sleep now, I woke up and had to immediately play at peacekeeper and diplomat, just like always, talking angry crazy people off ledges. Everyone is calm now and understands where the other is coming from and both have promised to avoid the other and not start crap. They just need to survive 11 days until he ships off to Job Corps...
Things have been going well for me in life so far with my academic and professional achievements. I will be graduating with my Masters in May and I'm so happy. My ultimate goal is to cultivate a nice life for myself in the near future. I want to live humbly and comfortably. Own a nice house in a safe neighborhood, a nice car, with a feline companion or two lol. Running my errands, exercising, and taking care of my responsibilities with ease. I can see that very clearly and I can't wait! It's been a long time coming.
Things have been going well for me in life so far with my academic and professional achievements. I will be graduating with my Masters in May and I'm so happy. My ultimate goal is to cultivate a nice life for myself in the near future. I want to live humbly and comfortably. Own a nice house in a safe neighborhood, a nice car, with a feline companion or two lol. Running my errands, exercising, and taking care of my responsibilities with ease. I can see that very clearly and I can't wait! It's been a long time coming.
That is wonderful news. You have been working hard and you can see the end point on your educational journey. Your goals are completely reasonable, you should be able to get a nice house and and a nice car. I am sure when you get your cats, they will train you to be an ideal human.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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This past weekend I went to visit some family from my late dads side, who came into town in Eastern NC. Now I don’t have the greatest history with my extended family but I thought it would be helpful to me to go. I’m truly glad I went. My dad and I didn’t have the greatest relationship but listening to stories told by his family and going back and seeing his hometown really was an experience that opened me up to what he was like even prior to my existence.
I even got a couple of stories from family who did recruiting in the military and recruiting is my subject matter expertise at work. I left super happy I went and I want to take advantage of more opportunities to spend time together with them. Doing things like this I was very resistant to do in the past I feel helps to open up more of the world for me and I don’t have to stay just a traumatized kid from the streets of Virginia.
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