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Yes and no...I believe the proper etiquette is to return the ring if the engagement is broken. That's probably pretty old-fashioned, though. Some states actually have laws one way or another about this - the ring may be treated as a gift and therefore the bride's property no matter what, or it may be considered a conditional gift from the groom, the condition meaning an actual marriage, which means if the marriage does not take place, the ring reverts to being the groom's property. ETA: I looked it up and opinions differ on what has until now been accepted as historical fact, but in some traditions the ring could be kept by the bride if the groom broke off the wedding as partial compensation for her damaged reputation. Otherwise the groom would generally receive the ring back.
I thought the primary intent of the engagement ring was to 1. prove to the bride's family and the bride that the groom could amass the financial means to support her and 2. take the bride off the market to interested parties.
The engagement ring spans centuries and its purpose varies in different cultures and changes with the times. In the US a woman could once sue a man for breech of promise and be awarded damages for her wedding expenses and emotional distress. But those laws were repealed back in the 30s and 40s and thus the role of the engagement ring became a source of collateral and financial security for the bride to be.
In the US, it would be proper to return the ring if the woman broke off the engagement. But if a man breaks his promise the ring may be kept by the woman to recoop expenses incurred preparing for the wedding.
These days, many people don't follow tradition. Couples often marry later in life and jointly pay for the weddings so it's really up to each couple to make their own rules.
Last edited by Butterflyfish; 12-06-2016 at 01:58 PM..
The OPs boyfriend is not yet ready to promise marriage. They are negotiating, and I hope that the OP is wise enough to make sure that she doesn't put herself in a weak position, where her boyfriend is enjoying life and having all of his needs being met and she is left with nothing but a hope and a prayer that one day she will have her needs met too.
The OPs boyfriend is not yet ready to promise marriage. They are negotiating, and I hope that the OP is wise enough to make sure that she doesn't put herself in a weak position, where her boyfriend is enjoying life and having all of his needs being met and she is left with nothing but a hope and a prayer that one day she will have her needs met too.
I think she said he told her he wants to get engaged in five months.
There's really no way to get an actual promise, here. She's taking a risk either way. Then again, we all do. But that's the bottom line...no matter what this guy says, there's always time to back out. If the OP wants to do this, she must do it intelligently, protecting both her heart (as much as possible), and her financial situation.
She really can't do this assuming a promise is a promise and that in exactly five months, she will be engaged.
I just don't think OP is cut out for the living-together thing, personally. I am...I would. I recommend it. But if the OP is hanging her last star on this sort-of promise, well...Just protect yourself, OP, or else put your foot down and say no, and in that case you two are really just not compatible. Because it simply does not sound like you're comfortable with any of this and no matter what you do, you will probably be subtly pushing the entire time, worrying that he'll go back on his "word" or whatnot...I don't know...I'm not psychic but I'm not seeing this all ending to your satisfaction. Just my $.02.
What is the normal order from a relationship to marriage?
We have been together for 15 months. And now he wants to move together. But I want to get engaged first. Which should come first? Moving together or get engaged?
I wasn't aware there was one. As for your second question, I believe that's up to each individual couple. There is no "one size fits all." You have every right to hold out for what you want.
What is the normal order from a relationship to marriage?
We have been together for 15 months. And now he wants to move together. But I want to get engaged first. Which should come first? Moving together or get engaged?
I made that mistake a few times. He just wants to play house. The years will tick by and marriage will never come. Which is fine if you both only want to live together forever.
A lot of woman who move in while hoping for a proposal someday, start doing more than their fair share of domestic chores. Perhaps they are trying hard to "pass the test" and show their bf what a great wife they will be. This is a really bad move that will back fire unless you enjoy being cheif cook and toilet cleaner for the rest of your life
Personally, I wouldn't care if either of our families "looked down" on us for living our own lives. But I'm not a good Asian man, thankfully. I'm American, and I'm evil!
No disrespect.
None taken.
Let me clarify my response. When both of them are from Asia, Asian men are greatly influent by their parents and families. Her life will be hell marrying to him if his family despise her.
The OPs boyfriend is not yet ready to promise marriage. They are negotiating, and I hope that the OP is wise enough to make sure that she doesn't put herself in a weak position, where her boyfriend is enjoying life and having all of his needs being met and she is left with nothing but a hope and a prayer that one day she will have her needs met too.
That situation doesn't sound like two good people who love each other, it sounds like a business situation.
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I'd suggest living together first. Get an apartment and rent for one year. In that time, you'll learn a lot about each other; it's possible YOU may not want to be engaged after living with him.
Don't push him into an engagement/marriage. He needs to "want" it just as much as you do. If he's still waffling after that, move on.
I really hate the concept here of manipulating someone into marrying you.
Don't you just want a guy who wants to marry you? Doesn't matter if you live with him or whatever.
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what is the timeline for marriage
