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As long as you are focused on who you "should be dating" (by which you appear to mean who you think you deserve to be dating), you're going to have problems. Nobody really "deserves" any qualities in a partner, other than the basic things we deserve from any human interaction (to be treated with dignity and respect, not to be abused, etc.). People are either going to be attracted to you or they're not. The people who are attracted to you are the people you have to choose from, regardless of who you think you "should be dating." If you're not attracted to any of the people who are attracted to you, then you obviously have the option of not dating anyone at all, but that's your choice. The universe doesn't owe you dates with certain women just because you think you should be with them. The women have a say in the matter, too, to point out the obvious.
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As soon as you open your mouth and describe yourself it's a huge turnoff. If 99% of your comments describe yourself in above average superficiality, then that's who you can expect to attract. A female version of you who is in 'awesome' shape, according to her, very successful, according to her, and no kids. Do you see anything missing in this picture? Kindness, intelligence, a sense of humor....
It's exactly like posters who come here explaining how much more intelligent they are than the average person. When one is intelligent, attractive, nice, funny, any characteristic that is desirable, they don't have to convince anyone, we can decipher all by ourselves! And the majority have decided your demonstration of arrogance and superficiality here certainly has to spill over at some rate into your personal interactions in real life. Not attractive.
I realize I'm coming across very superficial
in real life, when I'm talking to a woman, I'm focusing on what she likes, getting to know, making her feel comfortable. My goal is to be very genuine and sweet
women who have gone out on dates with me have almost all grown to like me across the board. I went out a few times with a very beautiful and extraordinarily fit 17 year old when I was 19 who asked me out. I screwed that up by being young and stupid. I wish I had another chance, she would love current version of me
It's really irrelevant who he wants-- that's my point. We can want to be with someone all day long, but we don't get to decide if they are attracted to us or not. They either are or they aren't. There is no "should be."
Very well said. The best approach is to go about being yourself, and let others decide if you are successful, attractive, intelligent, funny, etc..
this goes without saying
Anything I say in this thread about me has been said to me by a ton of people in real life. I almost never solicit feedback
I just try very hard to treat people well and I've always had very good friends as a result. Any interpersonal relationship mostly comes down to that. I don't think I would have any problem in a romantic relationship. I'm very easy to get along with
Apparently not, based on your posts here. You are doing very little but bragging about yourself. It's hard to imagine that the narcissism on display here doesn't carry over to your interactions with women. Even if you are less explicit with it outside of this forum, people are still going to pick up on it.
I went out a few times with a very beautiful and extraordinarily fit 17 year old
Have you ever told a woman this? She surely turned and walked away. This is not an accomplishment. I was "very fit" at 17...it wasn't difficult. Who cares?
Quote:
My goal is to be very genuine and sweet
You are not achieving that goal. Find a way to work on that. The person you portray here is the same one inside your head IRL. If someone were to tell me that this means I must be kinda btchy in real life, I would agree. But I dont have a problem finding someone to go out with whenever I want, and I'm not bragging. I dont pretend to like things or people to just to get admiration, that is not genuine.
Just concentrate on things that are not for sale, things that come from within that make you interesting--an opinion, skill, volunteer work, it's not money or a ripped face or whatever you've been going on about, if it doesn't work, don't do it MORE, stop it!
What's important to you is coming through. Superficial. Materialistic.
I think it's a possibility that OP spends so much time and energy on looks, he is giving off vibe that he may prefer the opposite sex. Maybe that's why young women stay off in drove. Just a thought, maybe he is not aware of it.
I think it's a possibility that OP spends so much time and energy on looks, he is giving off vibe that he may prefer the opposite sex. Maybe that's why young women stay off in drove. Just a thought, maybe he is not aware of it.
People have suggested that. They've even suggested he might be gay and unaware of it. He's attracted attention from gay guys before.
I wonder to what extent this exaggerated focus on the gym, on looks in general, on fashion, stems from his highschool experience of being bullied for being chubby and nerdy, or whatever. He seems driven to be the opposite of that, in his adult life.
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