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I had only one relationship, and it ended very quickly because she was abused multiple times in the past and she told me she made a mistake by starting a relationship again, and that she still have not recovered from the impact of previous abuses yet. She was not lying, and she told me from the beginning about what happened to her.
Now it seems to me that getting a relationship is not really something I may have, not even within the next few months. The city I live in is too small, and many people here (this forum) said that people who live in the north are not genuinely looking for real relationships. My major is dominated by men. Women who are nice to me turn out to be nice because it is a courtesy, not because they are interested.
The situation is even more complex than ever now as my political and social attitudes and my metaphysical beliefs have changed significantly since I arrived here (how and why that happens is very complicated. Why this is a problem is hard to understand, but it is), and I would not find someone with the same mentality when I got back to my home country.
My depression happens when I exert efforts to get things without actually getting them. Even though I no longer severe depression because of the situation, I still get some rage when I see women I like and know that it is like without being able to make contact with similar ones on a daily basis. Also, if this problem persisted and new ones emerged, I would again have extreme surges of depression and will have to start my recovery over again.
I feel like I am in a helpless situation. Why cannot I see someone legitimately happy for me? Should I just not actively look for a relationship and let that happen naturally? What am I doing wrong?
I post this topic to talk about the situation, not myself, so kindly stay away from analyzing my personality in such a way that you bait me.
I had only one relationship, and it ended very quickly because she was abused multiple times in the past and she told me she made a mistake by starting a relationship again, and that she still have not recovered from the impact of previous abuses yet. She was not lying, and she told me from the beginning about what happened to her.
Now it seems to me that getting a relationship is not really something I may have, not even within the next few months. The city I live in is too small, and many people here (this forum) said that people who live in the north are not genuinely looking for real relationships. My major is dominated by men. Women who are nice to me turn out to be nice because it is a courtesy, not because they are interested.
The situation is even more complex than ever now as my political and social attitudes and my metaphysical beliefs have changed significantly since I arrived here (how and why that happens is very complicated. Why this is a problem is hard to understand, but it is), and I would not find someone with the same mentality when I got back to my home country.
My depression happens when I exert efforts to get things without actually getting them. Even though I no longer severe depression because of the situation, I still get some rage when I see women I like and know that it is like without being able to make contact with similar ones on a daily basis. Also, if this problem persisted and new ones emerged, I would again have extreme surges of depression and will have to start my recovery over again.
I feel like I am in a helpless situation. Why cannot I see someone legitimately happy for me? Should I just not actively look for a relationship and let that happen naturally? What am I doing wrong?
I post this topic to talk about the situation, not myself, so kindly stay away from analyzing my personality in such a way that you bait me.
OP, why would you need a relationship in the next few months? Are you afraid to be alone? Going months, even years, without a relationship is perfectly normal. Develop some independence. You sound needy. That's one thing that is unattractive to the opposite sex.
Didn't you already have a thread on this topic a few weeks ago? If you're depressed, see the counseling center at your university. It's a free service. Your tuition pays for it. This is the only time in your entire life that you'll have access to free counseling.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-12-2017 at 05:17 PM..
I'm in a relationship now and I've been out of relationships too (Once for about three years). Take it from me being in or out of a relationship has no bearing on ones happiness or fulfillment. If you are depressed now, you will also be so in a relationship. If you were in a quick relationship you never settled down from the initial excitement so you didn't see it.
I'd say first get at the root of your depression or else it won't matter if you are in a relationship or not: you will be unhappy. And if you are in relationships you will end up hurting yourself more, hurting another person, and end up being frustrated.
You are a smart man (in school) with real passion about things (political things for example). You will ave a lot to offer once you work your way through this and get at the root of your depression. I wish you the best and I hope you find happiness.
You will need to figure out what makes you happy, and just do it! The funny part is when you're happy being on your own, most people will also attract to you, and it will happen for you if you want to be in relationship again. Take your alone time to work on yourself. Think of it as a finetuning period, and enjoy it fully.
My depression happens when I exert efforts to get things without actually getting them. Even though I no longer severe depression because of the situation, I still get some rage when I see women I like and know that it is like without being able to make contact with similar ones on a daily basis. Also, if this problem persisted and new ones emerged, I would again have extreme surges of depression and will have to start my recovery over again.
Do what you came here to do... that is to complete your degree, not to date, right?
And seek therapy on campus for your depression and rage issues.
You need to be confident in yourself and content.
As the quote goes: 'If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?'
I'm single now, I might still be single next month, next year or even ten years from now but I don't sit around worrying about it all the time. I would like to be in a happy relationship again but it may or may not happen and that's true for everyone that's single.
Also, just because someone is in a relationship today doesn't mean they will be in one next week. No one is guaranteed a happy future (I learned this the hard way.) My point is, so you might not have a girlfriend in the near future or you might but you still have a life to live today. Focus on what's in front of you, do things you enjoy and remain hopeful.
I know it's not always that simple and sometimes therapy is needed to get to a positive place but a relationship isn't going to cure you of your depression either.
"Home country?" Like,where are you from? It IS important. Can't blow it off. This is the US. Not everybody is alike. Can't respond unless I at least know that. Fess up. Where are you from? What's the metaphysical business? Clarify or you'll get no useful answers.
Last edited by TwinbrookNine; 01-12-2017 at 06:23 PM..
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