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Old 07-17-2017, 07:30 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,497 times
Reputation: 10

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Sadly, my girlfriend of nearly 9 years, has had a rough upbringing. Her father is not in her life and her mother is a barely functioning alcoholic who puts herself above her 2 kids( girlfriend's younger brother is 16). Having been with her for awhile, I've just adapted to this role that I'm not only a boyfriend to her, I put the pressure on myself to be a stable part of her brother's life as an older brother type or a role model or whatever. Anytime we fight, even if she's in the wrong, I end up giving in or apologizing because I feel the need to be un both of their lives. There's also an abundance of times where I feel that she takes me for granted.

Am I doing too much or do I need to keep doing all of this?
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Old 07-17-2017, 07:39 PM
 
Location: So Cal
52,288 posts, read 52,723,379 times
Reputation: 52788
Do what you can do, but you can't save the world. It's admirable, but don't get lost in this care taker role that you're assuming. Do some thinking on that and see if you can figure out where that's coming from....

Last edited by Chowhound; 07-17-2017 at 07:53 PM..
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Old 07-17-2017, 07:40 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,497 times
Reputation: 10
In all honesty, part of it is coming from a " I recognize that a certain part of your life is totally crap so let me try and make it less crappy"
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Old 07-17-2017, 07:42 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,966,647 times
Reputation: 98359
Quote:
Originally Posted by coldcaller View Post
In all honesty, part of it is coming from a " I recognize that a certain part of your life is totally crap so let me try and make it less crappy"
What is that doing to YOUR life?
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Old 07-17-2017, 07:43 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,497 times
Reputation: 10
and I'll just add here that it's not just me stepping up in this kid's life, my girl has really taken steps above and beyond a normal " older sister" role and really is a motherly figure to him, not like 100%, but, its there, if he gets in trouble, she's the one giving the big lecture, doing the punishing, etc
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Old 07-17-2017, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,497 times
Reputation: 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
What is that doing to YOUR life?

Sometimes I feel really really great that I'm doing it, but other times, I'm worn out, just wish I could JUST be a boyfriend
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Old 07-17-2017, 07:46 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,497 times
Reputation: 10
especially right now, trying to keep him from flying off the handle
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:03 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,497 times
Reputation: 10
& I've been doing this for awhile to the point where its 2nd nature
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:17 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,927 posts, read 59,966,647 times
Reputation: 98359
It sounds like you know instinctively that it's not your job to fix their lives.

It's an admirable desire, but it's not practical or possible.
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Old 07-17-2017, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Chicago
30 posts, read 13,497 times
Reputation: 10
not necessarily fix, just help. She's fine despite everything, we just both worry about him
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