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Here's the "genius" behind the 80/20 rule. If a guy believes it's true but is still successful in dating, he can tell himself that he's better than 80% of men. If he doesn't succeed in dating, he can tell himself that there's nothing wrong with him. Women are just too picky.
I'm a 40something male. I've lived in different cities in different parts of the country. Among my male relatives, friends, colleagues, etc., I have NEVER heard of this 80/20 rule. As someone else already stated, the rule exists only in the manosphere, a safe space where frustrated, angry men with low-self esteem get together and engage in group female-bashing in order to feel good about themselves. And no matter how frustrated I've gotten with dating, no matter how many times I've been rejected by women, I've never bought into this nonsense about 80% of women being only interested in 20% of men. I have two words for anyone who subscribes to this rule. Grow up.
And no matter how frustrated I've gotten with dating, no matter how many times I've been rejected by women, I've never bought into this nonsense about 80% of women being only interested in 20% of men. I have two words for anyone who subscribes to this rule. Grow up.
That rule has been around since early 2000's. That was long before those forums/communities gained the momentum they have today.
It's a weird take on the Pareto Principle. Pareto was an Italian Economist who suggested that 80% of effects derive from 20% of causes. The 80/20 number was a bit arbitrary, even as an economic principle. So I'm guessing someone who had taken an economics class and wanted to convince men that their lives sucked so he could sell them the solution to the sucking pulled this tidbit out of his, um, memory. I'm thinking.
But here's the thing. Misapplied as it is, and as much of an exaggeration as it is, the 80/20 rule is in the ballpark of reality, if you think of the ballpark as really big. Like 150,000 seats. Anyway, there are more men than women interested in relatively uncommitted relationships or connections or whatever. Easy sex. I don't doubt that more women would be interested, but we tend to view men who are interested in easy sex as normal enough, even laudable, but women interested in the same are somehow letting us all down by virtue of their, well, lack of virtue. Not my judgment, but it's out there. Women also face other risks, like pregnancy, violence when they don't know the man well and sometimes when they do, and the more easy transmission of some STIs from men to women. Easy sex brings more risk for women than men.
The economic principle that applies is simple supply and demand. There's an oversupply of men in the easy sex market. That lowers our "value". There's a scarcity of women, which inflates their "value". I know that's crude, but I'm making intellectual sausage here and that's never pretty. Anyway, The easy sex market can be a tough one for many men. I think I could get laid, even at my advanced and assumed sexless age and with my very average appeal, but I suspect my partner could get laid sooner and more often. I think she kind of knows that, and I think it kind of pisses me off. But I digress.
The relationship market is different though. While not to the same extent as above, there are probably more women than men looking for a more serious or committed relationship at any given time. In the relationship market a typical man's "value" is at least what a typical woman's is. A man who is looking for a relationship and who is moderately attractive will likely do well, at least as well as a woman who is similarly attractive.
I think some men lump all types of connections together and then focus on the area where they have the least chance of succeeding, and draw conclusions about reality from that. If he approaches relationships with the same anxiety he might approach trying to get laid, right now, he's going to feel out gunned. Or worse yet, if he imagines all of this based on what other men have said or written, never having gained any or much first hand experience, he's really setting himself up. Our imaginations almost always find that dark glass to look through.
That rule has been around since early 2000's. That was long before those forums/communities gained the momentum they have today.
I didn't say it originated in those forums. I'm just saying that online is the only place you ever hear about it. MRA sites probably sprung up because enough people online realized they felt the same way and decided to form a club where they could all whine together.
But the 80/20 rule does serve one useful purpose. As soon as someone cites it, I know not to take that person seriously when it comes to dating or relationships.
Actually they have much less options. Women only pick partners who are equal or above them in the social dominance hierarchy, men pick equal or below them in the hierarchy. Women don't date "down", the more "successful" a woman becomes the more her options go down. Example, if a women is making 250k do you think she'll date a guy making 50k. Hell no. The laws of statistics will prove that if she is only looking to men who make 250k or above (like top 1% of the population) then her options are extremely limited. Many women popping up on youtube claiming that they can't find a man and how men need to "man" up (ie marry them and take over as provider, being more ambitious etc).
You're missing the biggest option today's women have, that their grandmothers didn't - they don't have to marry a meal ticket. They can support themselves. Female financial independence is the biggest monkey wrench to the 80% males. Do you realize how many women have no interest in getting married and pushing out babies? Your idea of 'options' is limited to the selection of a mate - the scope is far greater than your perception. Why marry a bull when she gets the horns for free?
You're missing the biggest option today's women have, that their grandmothers didn't - they don't have to marry a meal ticket. They can support themselves. Female financial independence is the biggest monkey wrench to the 80% males. Do you realize how many women have no interest in getting married and pushing out babies? Your idea of 'options' is limited to the selection of a mate - the scope is far greater than your perception. Why marry a bull when she gets the horns for free?
And here we arrive at the root issue with the men who buy into this 80/20 nonsense. They've suddenly realized they can't impress women by having a high income. She's financially independent. She doesn't need you to take care of her. So now, , you actually have to impress her with your personality, which I guess for a lot of these guys is asking too much.
And here we arrive at the root issue with the men who buy into this 80/20 nonsense. They've suddenly realized they can't impress women by having a high income. She's financially independent. She doesn't need you to take care of her. So now, , you actually have to impress her with your personality, which I guess for a lot of these guys is asking too much.
But, but, but... being a nice guy is a form of personality. Why doesn't it impress women?
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 08-18-2017 at 09:22 AM..
Definitely got to take care of yourself. And I definitely see weaker marriages and relationships. I myself am at a point where I could be in a relationship, but at the same time, I see the advantages of being single. One major lesson I'm trying to learn is to know and appreciate what I do have.
I just had this conversation an hour ago. I spent so many years chasing greater things that at times I forgot to sit down and appreciate what I do have. We all strive to be better and want better out of life, but sometimes when we look at our life as a whole, it's pretty darn good. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, food on the table, and all my bills paid. Life could always be a little bit better, but it could also be far worse. Sometimes you have to take a step back and examine your life from a macro level and not always a micro level.
But, but, but... being a nice guy is a form of personality. Why doesn't it impress women?
It does, that's where your made up theories fail again.
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