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If there is no chemistry, I'm done. No reason to see them more. That doesn't change.
Well, yeah. But there is a huge difference between no chemistry and some chemistry. if we were going to measure first-date chemistry on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is wriggling out the restaurant's bathroom window and 10 means offering a marriage proposal before the waiter brings dessert, there is a lot of room to explore the other person. Just saying.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Well, yeah. But there is a huge difference between no chemistry and some chemistry. if we were going to measure first-date chemistry on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is wriggling out the restaurant's bathroom window and 10 means offering a marriage proposal before the waiter brings dessert, there is a lot of room to explore the other person. Just saying.
Some chemistry doesn't mean I automatically interested in "exploring the other person." Yeah they may be okay to talk to but I need more than that to commit to spending another hour or two with them.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Well, yeah. But there is a huge difference between no chemistry and some chemistry. if we were going to measure first-date chemistry on a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is wriggling out the restaurant's bathroom window and 10 means offering a marriage proposal before the waiter brings dessert, there is a lot of room to explore the other person. Just saying.
Sure, and if there is some and its a great conversation and/or we have some important things in common, I'll flesh it out more. But in probably 4 out of 5 first dates there is none at all for me.
If there's an attraction, even if I'm not sure about her personality (which how do you know after 1 date) I'll go out with her again. But I see your point. It gets expensive wasting money on a woman who's just in it for free meals/drinks and has no genuine interest. I've been through that too many times and ghosted after like 3 dates. Women need to be honest if there's no interest and stop leading men on.
Sure, and if there is some and its a great conversation and/or we have some important things in common, I'll flesh it out more. But in probably 4 out of 5 first dates there is none at all for me.
Forgive me for being clinical, because I usually agree with a lot of what you say on this forum. But if there's no spark in 80% of the first dates you go on, how are you vetting these women in the first place?
If things are "fine" on a first date I often will do additional dates - as long as we were compatible on paper first. Not everyone is on every day. And some people are shy and take a bit to warm up.
If they hit a deal breaker on the first date then NO.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
Forgive me for being clinical, because I usually agree with a lot of what you say on this forum. But if there's no spark in 80% of the first dates you go on, how are you vetting these women in the first place?
We have written conversations, generally. But that of course can't tell you anything about in person chemistry. Neither can phone calls. Not for me anyway. You (or I) can seem to have tons in common, and have things flow greatly, and meet and think they are cute/pretty, and bam, there is no chemistry. Chemistry is a very elusive thing. I meet a good amount of physically good looking, smart people that I have things in common with and have nice, interesting conversations with... but that doesn't mean there is chemistry (sadly). The person I'm seeing right now and I actually have not a ton in common really, but there is good chemistry. I met a biologist a couple of days before I had my first meeting with her, and she was lovely, and our conversation was great and we did have a fair amount in common, but no chemistry. (I'm actually being fairly generous with the 80% number).
Last edited by timberline742; 01-02-2018 at 09:27 AM..
For me, I tend to give a couple of dates unless the first date is just that bad and I have had first dates where I couldn't wait for it to be over. Plus I am sure some women have felt that way about me too. No harm, you like what you like and don't drag it out.
I will say this, if we end up going "Dutch" (which I believe in todays society we should, at least the first date), then I am more inclined to go on a second date with someone that I was on the fence with on a "one and done".
If there's an attraction, even if I'm not sure about her personality (which how do you know after 1 date) I'll go out with her again. But I see your point. It gets expensive wasting money on a woman who's just in it for free meals/drinks and has no genuine interest. I've been through that too many times and ghosted after like 3 dates. Women need to be honest if there's no interest and stop leading men on.
This sounds whiny to me. I pay my own way often. Or free, like a hike. Three dates is nothing and it is hardly “leading on.”
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