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Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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There was a thread earlier that someone gave the person that eventually became their spouse more than one date to make an impression on them. It brought me to this question from past experiences.
My friends have been shocked when I’ve decided not to go on second dates with people because I was simply not impressed with the first date with them. Their line is it takes more than one date to truly get enough info on them to decide on them. My belief is that if you didn’t wow me on the first meeting why should I give you a second chance to make a first impression?
Especially since as a guy, people are going to if I don’t pay for the date so I’m not going to spend money on you if I don’t see a future with you, simple and plain. I believe you may not find the person you want to marry on one date but you’ll probably find people you DONT want a damn thing to do with on one date or if you are just eh on someone after one date you obviously don’t feel strongly about them to entertain a second date and waste money and time.
I have only done that one or two times. Generally speaking I dont make a decision about someone who isnt it until the third date. The first is just awkward for everyone and no one is acting like their true self. Unless there is simoly no sexual attraction whatsoever or a fundamental incompatibility, it seems short sighted to me.
People with serious potential take much longer. i have been told on here that is abnormal so YMMV.
You dont have to pay. Just go get a cup of two dollar coffee and see if you like eachnother.
I've had many one-and-dones. If it was a non-starter, or I just wasn't feeling it, I'd know by the end of the first date. It wasn't so much about being impressed, rather, chemistry and/or baseline compatibility. It could be their attitude, something they said or how they said it, lack of attraction, and how the date progressed. Others progressed to second, third, fourth+ dates, but most, especially when I started dating again, were one-and-done.
Sure but I try not to base everything off pure feeling and emotion though either.
Sometimes bonds are formed without there being instant chemistry for various reasons. The main reason in my experience is that people are sometimes too guarded to fully be themselves and It takes time to get to the the real person.
I make sure it truly isn't a match before I toss it away.
It really all depends. If she isn't displaying any dealbreakers and we have some connection on the first date, Ill go on a second date, unless of course, she tells me otherwise.
Ive dated enough to realize a lot of people are better at 2nd and 3rd impressions.
Last edited by hawaiiancoconut; 01-01-2018 at 06:48 PM..
Typically if I'm not interested near the beginning, it's unlikely to change with time.
There was someone who chased me since the beginning of high school (10 years), I'm still not interested. There have also been many more men I have been cool with and spent one on one time with, but my feelings never changed. It's possible I could be mentally blocking these guys out, because I've never liked the idea of someone growing on me romantically. It makes me feel like I'm settling for them.
Meh, who knows. I don't really care to find out either.
Typically if I'm not interested near the beginning, it's unlikely to change with time.
There was someone who chased me since the beginning of high school (10 years), I'm still not interested. There have also been many more men I have been cool with and spent one on one time with, but my feelings never changed. It's possible I could be mentally blocking these guys out, because I've never liked the idea of someone growing on me romantically. It makes me feel like I'm settling for them.
Meh, who knows. I don't really care to find out either.
There was a thread earlier that someone gave the person that eventually became their spouse more than one date to make an impression on them. It brought me to this question from past experiences.
My friends have been shocked when I’ve decided not to go on second dates with people because I was simply not impressed with the first date with them. Their line is it takes more than one date to truly get enough info on them to decide on them. My belief is that if you didn’t wow me on the first meeting why should I give you a second chance to make a first impression?
Especially since as a guy, people are going to if I don’t pay for the date so I’m not going to spend money on you if I don’t see a future with you, simple and plain. I believe you may not find the person you want to marry on one date but you’ll probably find people you DONT want a damn thing to do with on one date or if you are just eh on someone after one date you obviously don’t feel strongly about them to entertain a second date and waste money and time.
So do you believe in one and done CD?
I think one and done makes no sense. You're expecting perfection of someone you don't even know.
Ever have an off night? Ever been frazzled by something at work and just didn't bring your A Game? Maybe she didn't care for the food at the restaurant you picked. Maybe she had a big meeting in the morning that was on her mind. Maybe her cat died.
I mean unless your date yanked out a hair at the table and began flossing her teeth with it (Or something equally awful), you really can't tell squat about someone after an hour at dinner.
The minute I met my future wife, I knew. But our first date was kind of a disaster. When I called her for a second date, she talked it over with her roommate. According to my wife, the roommate said, "Hey, he made you laugh, right?" "Yes." "Then at the very least, it's a free meal." The second date was boffo.
There are exceptions, of course. But even job candidates typically have a couple of interviews before getting disqualified. Try being a little more forgiving of other people, you know?
For me, it would only be a one and done date if the following happens:
1) Not attracted to her in-person (since most of my dates occur within OLD, I don't know if I will find them for sure attractive in-person till we meet).
2) Personality mismatch (you can't change a person's personality).
3) Being rude to other people.
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if I don’t pay for the date so I’m not going to spend money on you if I don’t see a future with you, simple and plain. I believe you may not find the person you want to marry on one date but you’ll probably find people you DONT want a damn thing to do with on one date or if you are just eh on someone after one date you obviously don’t feel strongly about them to entertain a second date and waste money and time.
