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Uh, no. You want the wife to leave you the hell alone while you're watching the game but at the same time to keep the wings and chips and salsa and pigs-in-blankets and beer flowing from the kitchen!
Now, this isn't right. If you stay single, be willing to do the housework yourself, including preparing food for the Super Bowl. If you get married, accept the fact that you can't enjoy your life anymore, and nobody cares. You can't have it both ways.
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Originally Posted by hawk101
And there's always another side of the coin too, a lotta guys probably just plain don't feel all that lovey dovey about the women they're with.
This works both ways. The kind of men women settle down with are usually quite unattractive to women, although these men are most capable of supporting a family. Conversely, these men probably married the first woman who showed long-term interest, after she was done partying with naturally desirable men and needed to build a stable life. So as a result, you have two spouses who aren't attracted to each other.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 04-03-2018 at 04:53 PM..
Now, this isn't right. If you stay single, be willing to do the housework yourself, including preparing food for the Super Bowl. If you get married, accept the fact that you can't enjoy your life anymore, and nobody cares. You can't have it both ways.
My boyfriend would disagree. Granted, we aren't married quite yet. But he's enjoying his life far more with me in it, living together, than he was before. Before me, he had board games but no one to play them with. He lived in a run down old townhouse with horrible neighbors. When he needed help with anything, he had to pay someone. When he went out, he was awkwardly alone. He did not have friends over for the Super Bowl or anything, because he didn't bother to keep his bachelor pad good enough for company, why would he? He was alone, and it wasn't worth the effort to buy a sofa.
Now? He has someone who loves to contribute to his happiness, and who will help him out for free. He's paying less in rent and utilities for a much nicer place, that I keep clean and pleasant and he can invite friends over. He likes to have my company for shows and board games. We go out, and our mutual friends (many of whom were already more socially attached to me) look up to him and respect him, because he got me and I'm happy, and because I've provided the extrovert bridge between his introverted and awkward self, and connections to others. While still respecting, he won't always want to be as social as me.
He gets in on far more "Cards Against Humanity" games with my insanely huge collection than he ever did before, I can tell you that much.
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This works both ways. The kind of men women settle down with are usually quite unattractive to women, although these men are most capable of supporting a family. Conversely, these men probably married the first woman who showed long-term interest, after she was done partying with naturally desirable men and needed to build a stable life. So as a result, you have two spouses who aren't attracted to each other.
Pishposh my friend, at least in part. I'm ready to be done partying with hot people, with whom I lacked the real compatibility on more meaningful levels to form a serious bond with, so now I'm with the guy who is a great match in the most important ways, which is to say, deeper than superficial. We are building a stable life. But this compatibility and depth of feeling makes him the most attractive man in my world. And he finds me very attractive as well.
I know you have case studies you're thinking of, and it's easy to paint me as an outlier. Let me tell you about a woman I once knew, I'll call her Lisa though that wasn't her name. She had multiple physically abusive relationships with men. She one day informed us all, that now she is a lesbian. She began seeing our friend... "Cheryl" and they seemed fine until the day in an explosive fight, Cheryl tried to run over Lisa with a truck. Lisa incorrectly assumed that men were abusers and relationships with men involved violence. Yet in fact through some combination of a bad "picker" and maybe behavior that brought out the worst in others, SHE, the victim, was the common denominator, and partner-gender had not much to do with it. I believe I heard many years later that she died of an overdose.
All of her observations would be valid to her, but I think we can safely surmise they came from an unhealthy perspective, and that was the real problem there. I got to listen to her rant about how terrible men were for a while...there was no convincing her otherwise, as this was her lived experience. But was she right? I don't think so. Evidently, neither did Cheryl.
I don't like V Day because it's an artificial day in which many people go out and I can't get a reservation or find a place to eat.
I love the idea of celebrating with my gf and buy her things -- I just don't want it to be on such a busy day at the restaurants and places we might want to visit.
So I have suggested that we can do something even the day before...when everything is still sane. She agreed to that. So on the 13th, we go out. And on 14th, we stay in, and still do something special. Gifts are still exchanged, as well as the special feelings of reminding each other about loving each other. Yes it goes on the other 364 days too, but just like any holiday or special event day, there isn't a bad reason that we can also accentuate certain things for that day, such as our emotions and memories and feelings for one another.
I'm not a huge fan of Thanksgiving, but then...I have no family nearby besides the ones I live with, so it isn't really a special gathering of people I don't see much. And I am the woman, so it's assumed I'll cook. And I don't love cooking...I'm not terrible at it, but I don't get any special joy out of it. And the food stuff costs a lot (potentially) and it's a lot of work for one meal. Then I get to do the dishes like 5 times in one day. My sons won't even sit at the table and eat like a damn family, they just grab a plate and run back to their rooms, because whatever is happening on their computers cannot be left be for 20 minutes.
So last year, I accepted an invite for us to go attend a family-friendly large gathering involving a whole bunch of my friends and their families. Potluck style. I thought that might be a nice change of pace. My younger son got all mad at me, and said I'm choosing my "new family" (my friends) over my "old family" (him, and his Dad I guess?) and messing up our traditions. He went, in the end, but sullenly refused to talk to anyone, and acted very put upon. Of course he's sort of still upset that I'm not with his father anymore. And somehow despite the fact that the man was abusive and crazy, not just to me, but also to my son, the son appears to have amnesia about all of that. Judges me for everything, and worships the ground his Dad walks on.
So now, not only can I work to make a feast that no one is particularly thankful for, on Thanksgiving, but I can deal with my son being mad that things are not the way they used to be, back when his parents were pretending everything was fine and keeping up the "we're a happy happy family" illusion for him. Fantastic.
I'd rather just skip it.
I would not mind, however, cooking a big feats and hosting, for people who could get together and at least like each other and want to enjoy one another's company. If you have that, in your family, don't take it for granted.
My favorite as well... Great company and great food. No expectations. Also my children's birthdays are near it.
Thanksgiving is a ton of work and a hundred plus bucks worth of food I love it, it is one of my very favorites but it is no less a "made up" AND expensive holiday than any other. Read up on it. People gave thanks and prayed over meals routinely in Europe and then in the new world. It was made "official" in the 20th century in a piece in a magazine. It isn't "more" meaningful, in fact we feel we "have" to act loving even toward family members we may never have gotten along with. I have a good situation in this regard but definitely not everyone does; dysfunctional Thanksgivings or Christmases are literally iconic.
Not really seeing the distinction. It is an enforced day, there are expectations, you don't necessarily get along with everyone at the table, you serve, cook, clean up and it is exhausting but this is the no-fuss holiday?
This is obviously about much more than expense of fuss, it has been for many pages now. This has largely been a huge dress of pages long resentment rant. Sour grapes-ish.
Thanksgiving is a ton of work and a hundred plus bucks worth of food I love it, it is one of my very favorites but it is no less a "made up" AND expensive holiday than any other. Read up on it. People have thanks and prayed over meals routinely in Europe and then in the new world. It was made "official" in the 20th century in a piece I. a magazine
Not really seeing the distinction. It is an enforced day, there are expectations, you don't necessarily get along with everyone at the table, you serve, cook, clean up and it is exhausting but this is the no-fuss holiday?
This is obviously about much more than expense of fuss, it has been for many pages now. This has largely been a huge dress of pages long resentment rant. Sour grapes-ish.
The distinction is that no one is forcing MEN to put forth expense or effort in most families' Thanksgivings. Since the women do it, no one in fact does it, it just magically happens while the real humans are watching football.
$20 worth of chocolate, oh, howl to the heavens. $100+ worth of food, a day (or two) worth of cooking, and doing the dishes like a dozen times...invisible. Because it ain't their problem. So hey. No expectations. No gifts. Wonderful holiday! Magical!
Thanksgiving is a ton of work and a hundred plus bucks worth of food I love it, it is one of my very favorites but it is no less a "made up" AND expensive holiday than any other.
Nice try but I don't agree.
It ranks well below most of the holidays in terms of expense and no one else is receiver of gifts and no one person is expected or pressured to give.
It is a family affair.
Its been said many times... It's the expectations that kills V-day.
The pressures and commercialization occurs right after starting with black Friday and cyber Monday which sucker consumers into the worst one.. Christmas holidays.
The distinction is that no one is forcing MEN to put forth expense or effort in most families' Thanksgivings. Since the women do it, no one in fact does it, it just magically happens while the real humans are watching football.
Right? It hit me reading that post that the only people for whom Thanksgiving has "no expectations" are the people not expected to purchase ingredients for and prepare and host a multi-course meal for a large group.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 04-10-2018 at 09:13 AM..
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I love it, it is one of my very favorites but it is no less a "made up" AND expensive holiday than any other. 
