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l think a lot of the answers here are coming from people that haven't had a 20yrs marriage or a real relationship for any length of time. Or they've had blinkers on all their life.
Call it drama, call it pain in the ass , call it fuss, twist it and call it anything you like but at the end of the day yeah , you betcha.
Most of the time even just existing , even in something happy , is still 20times more complicated and yeah drama or call it whatever you like, with women than what a guy would normally make things or live.
Even my ex w , was one of the easiest going women you'd ever meet but it was just mind blowing after about 15yrs together , just how the simplest thing was often just bs. And at how much bs there was in my life , when really there didn't need to be any , 90% of it came from her side of our life.
Same with any women l've ever been with and l've been with great women, my ex w was a great lady, not saying she wasn't.
lt just seems to be the way they live and do things. it's just way different to the way we do things and think and worry and make big deals out of , it's all opposite.
But then too there are the def' drama queens types , where you can just multiply all of the above by 10.
Or as someone said , yeah , men from mars women venus basically.
Hormones are to blame when you are young. If it's still happening when you are middle aged though, there's something else at play, and you might be a big part of it yourself.
When it comes to regular friendships, I find drama is either non-existent or very rare.
However, with women I find drama is more common, starts easier and is harder to resolve.
I think one of the main reasons I'm still single in my mid-30's is my low tolerance for drama. I find it to be unhealthy and unnecessary in the majority of cases. I also feel like people I date will sometimes deliberately do things they know will cause drama, conflict or confusion. This leads me to respect them less, which is the beginning of the end right there.
I've only dated a few women where there was mostly no drama. One in particular I really miss and regret not proposing to. Didn't realize how special she was at the time.
Think of a new relationship as a garden. Think of drama as the weeds. It takes the form of neediness (Which is really a product of distrust), jealousy, and selfishness. If you don't rip out the weeds before they thrive, they take over everything. And in truth, almost without exception, the ones who complain about drama are the ones who cultivate it.
That's not to say that you begin a relationship with a bunch of rules. Instead, you go into your relationship with a set of principles, all centered around the notion of respect: Respect for yourself and respect for the other person. To wit:
1) Date someone for who they are as a person. Not just for their physical attractiveness. The world is filled with people who are beautiful on the outside and ugly on the inside.
2) You don't play games with other people's hearts. If, after a few dates, you know it's not a long-term thing, say so.
3) There are more important things in life than an orgasm. Once you have sex with someone, you create a deep emotional bond with that person. This is why people get so confused when that supposed FWB relationship ends up with one person's feelings getting really hurt. So don't rush into it, because you might find it hard to extricate yourself. And that's not even taking into account the possibility of accidental pregnancy or an STD. Many a guy has found himself writing child support checks for 18 years to a woman he could barely stand, all because he wanted sex so badly that he'd do anything -- or to be more precise, anyone -- to have it.
4) Even the most compatible couple on the planet will have to learn each other's idiosyncrasies and hot buttons. Better to speak up when the other person does something you don't like. Nicely, diplomatically, but with backbone. The matter-of-fact phrase, "That wasn't very nice of you," is a way better yellow flag than shouting.
5) Be transparent and honest and expect it from the person you're dating. If you catch that person lying to you, say so.
6) Be a giving person and only be with people who give in return. A successful relationship requires that you give up part of yourself to create something bigger, better, and more fulfilling.
7) At all times, look at things from the other person's perspective. You'll be amazed at how that changes how you behave.
8) One last thing? It takes two to tango. Drama, however you define it, didn't just erupt out of nowhere. Chances are really good that you contributed to it in thought, word, and deed.
Last edited by MinivanDriver; 03-01-2018 at 07:29 AM..
Drama is not a gender-specific issue. I'm a female and I can't stand drama in a relationship. I rejected quite a few guys over the years because they had too much drama and baggage in their lives. I wasn't willing to take that on.
Before anyone goes bashing women as being drama queens, remember that plenty of men seem to enjoy the same attention for the drama they bring to relationships.
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Drama is not a gender-specific issue. I'm a female and I can't stand drama in a relationship. I rejected quite a few guys over the years because they had too much drama and baggage in their lives. I wasn't willing to take that on.
Before anyone goes bashing women as being drama queens, remember that plenty of men seem to enjoy the same attention for the drama they bring to relationships.
It is pretty clear from the routine button pushing here, including certain catch phrases and prejudices with NO purpose but to drive an entire board into a frenzy, that women are NOT the only ones who may enjoy creating drama. Come on, we all know this.
Drama is a grab for attention.
So too is dropping the above on a few hundred people (or even just within one's on home), then standing back with giant eyes and a mouth in an O and gasping, "Why are you going all psycho on me now? I mean...my stars." (Effectively.)
Watch for "I just speak the truth, no judgment, I'm calm, why aren't you? I am soooo confused" as your gold standard tipoff.
Watch out for Borderline and Narroccistic Personality Disorders. I had never seen so much drama until I dated a young lady with BPD. Best and worst 90 days of my life.
But as others have said, I learned that I am attracted to some of the elements of these disorders which really got me thinking about myself, former relationships that shared similar elements and my responsibility in the matter.
Although anyone can have the occasional one-off as regards to falling into something with a crazy S.O., I feel like when it's a pattern, you may need to look at your part in it.
JMO. I'm not victim-blaming or anything. But seriously, if MOST of one's relationships wind up full of cray, I don't know. Personally I'd be looking into other possibilities...that's just me.
^^^^THIS. I have to blame myself for my own history of drama queens. For most of my relationships I have picked very good looking women who know they can get away with being high maintenance, and even abusive. I don't do that anymore, and threw the last one out some time ago. I realize now that I made poor choices in women. I also realize, I won't do it again. Yeah, it took decades.
Drama is not a gender-specific issue. I'm a female and I can't stand drama in a relationship. I rejected quite a few guys over the years because they had too much drama and baggage in their lives. I wasn't willing to take that on.
Before anyone goes bashing women as being drama queens, remember that plenty of men seem to enjoy the same attention for the drama they bring to relationships.
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This is exactly what I was going to add. Guys who are full of drama don't make it very far in the selection process. That would be good advice for the OP. Cut them loose when it starts looking like they're drama-prone. There are definitely drama-kings and queens out there, but you don't have to be part of their scene.
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