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Until spring of 2014 both my boyfriend and I worked, cooked, cleaned equally.
After my car accident and recovering I went back to work and it was too physically difficult, I held out on quitting as long as I could and I went about 8 months before I had to stop.
I’m not currently working and I just stay home. I get slammed with headaches almost daily, I have a lot wrong with my back and neck.
I don’t work and I basically just stay at home and keep the house clean and running.
Pretty easy stuff, light housework.
DB is messy AF tho.
He says he works and works hard so he should be able to be lazy at home.
I don’t mind taking care of what I take care of but I have a few non negotiable things.
-Clothes go in a hamper and only the hamper. Not the banister, not a chair, in the hamper. I wash, dry, fold and put away his clothes. I don’t want to find his shorts on the banister.
-Beard hair needs to be rinsed out of the sink. I tolerate the beard. I don’t like them. They’re trendy and he’s never had one before and well I’m amazing and I support things even if I don’t like them. Doesn’t mean I want to be the one who has to rinse it down the drain. He has hands, they work, he can take the 30 seconds to clean up after himself.
-Coffee cups/soda cans need to be poured out. He has those yeti mugs and he leaves them full of old coffee sitting on the counter. All I asked was that after work that he pour them out and place the empty cup in the sink for me to wash later. He also drinks soda at an alarming rate and leaves all his empty cans in a row on the counter 3 feet from the trash can that I keep a fresh bag in daily.
I bathe our animals on a schedule, he always has clean clothes, we always have clean sheets, there’s always food at the house, the bathroom is kept clean, the laundry is kept done, the house is taken care of and I keep things picked up.
I don’t think I’m asking too much.
He’s 32, not 12 those things shouldn’t be too hard for him to do.
Thoughts? Opinions?
We’ve been together for 8 years and he’s about equality at home when we were both working.
He thinks that now that you're not working...you should be the one doing all the housework and cleaning up..even if his own messes.Yes..he's an adult and has 2 hands and is fine in doing all those things himself BUT he's not going to anymore because he feels that is your job now since you don't work.He's taking advantage of you and you need to have a serious talk with him.If he insists that nothing should change...then you need to start finding your own place to live.It's a shame that in 8 yrs...this is how he treats you when you're dealing with pain from your car accident.Now you know how he treats you when you're down and out.
Until spring of 2014 both my boyfriend and I worked, cooked, cleaned equally.
After my car accident and recovering I went back to work and it was too physically difficult, I held out on quitting as long as I could and I went about 8 months before I had to stop.
I’m not currently working and I just stay home. I get slammed with headaches almost daily, I have a lot wrong with my back and neck.
I don’t work and I basically just stay at home and keep the house clean and running.
Pretty easy stuff, light housework.
DB is messy AF tho.
He says he works and works hard so he should be able to be lazy at home.
I don’t mind taking care of what I take care of but I have a few non negotiable things.
-Clothes go in a hamper and only the hamper. Not the banister, not a chair, in the hamper. I wash, dry, fold and put away his clothes. I don’t want to find his shorts on the banister.
-Beard hair needs to be rinsed out of the sink. I tolerate the beard. I don’t like them. They’re trendy and he’s never had one before and well I’m amazing and I support things even if I don’t like them. Doesn’t mean I want to be the one who has to rinse it down the drain. He has hands, they work, he can take the 30 seconds to clean up after himself.
-Coffee cups/soda cans need to be poured out. He has those yeti mugs and he leaves them full of old coffee sitting on the counter. All I asked was that after work that he pour them out and place the empty cup in the sink for me to wash later. He also drinks soda at an alarming rate and leaves all his empty cans in a row on the counter 3 feet from the trash can that I keep a fresh bag in daily.
I bathe our animals on a schedule, he always has clean clothes, we always have clean sheets, there’s always food at the house, the bathroom is kept clean, the laundry is kept done, the house is taken care of and I keep things picked up.
I don’t think I’m asking too much.
He’s 32, not 12 those things shouldn’t be too hard for him to do.
Thoughts? Opinions?
We’ve been together for 8 years and he’s about equality at home when we were both working.
You're not asking too much (assuming you've told him these non-negotiables) but he's not gonna change. He is who he is. He's shown you that time and again.
Of course you're right. I would willingly take on more of a domestic role, if I were stay at home, but you're not his servant. I wouldn't even treat a servant that way, let alone a gf of 8 years. Maybe you can try talking or counselling but you have to be prepared to leave, even if it hurts.
I dont think you're asking too much, but I do think your complaints are trivial, imo (beard hair, cups and clothes) which takes just 2mins of your day, total time. When I worked 14 hour days I use to come home and pick my ex wife's clothes, put dishes up and unclogged showers/sinks due to her long hair, and other things. And she was a stay at home wife with no kids, LOL. My ex wife is messy and knew that before I married her, so I knew what i was getting into. Lol.
I'm sure your bf's messy habits didn't start just because you're home to take care of them. Im sure he has always had messy habits, and will continue until he addresses them.
Last edited by hawaiiancoconut; 09-01-2018 at 04:44 PM..
What's missing from your story is what he was doing before. It sounds like you're currently doing about 90%. It also sounds like what you're requesting isn't even cleaning or housework - just basic courtesy. Is he more "lazy" now than before? Why don't you suggest that if he prefers being lazy, he can start paying for a cleaning person?
What's missing from your story is what he was doing before. It sounds like you're currently doing about 90%. It also sounds like what you're requesting isn't even cleaning or housework - just basic courtesy. Is he more "lazy" now than before? Why don't you suggest that if he prefers being lazy, he can start paying for a cleaning person?
I have. He said I don’t work so it only makes sense for me to clean and that he splits all his money evenly between us so he says I’m technically paid. Lol.
I told him if he was going to be as messy as he is then I want a raise.
I'm skipping over the relationship issue, to ask you: are you getting help for your back and neck? Have you seen a doctor? Physical therapist? Get that taken care of, OP. When I hear someone say, "headaches", I cringe. Take care of yourself, first. I'm not talking about pain management. I'm talking about addressing the core problem, and resolving it. A friend of mine had good luck with Prolotherapy.
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