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I will start by saying I have issues. Trust issues and issues about age as the last person I was with chose to be with someone 17 years younger than me , over me. That previous partner , and other men I've been with , have cheated. These are where some trust issues come from.
I am with someone new. He is younger than me, 7 1/2 years. Sometimes he seems immature for his age. Immature (in regards to responsibilities , a mama's boy at 38. I like his mom btw.) and in general. He sometimes says stupid things. The latest is him telling me about wrinkle cream and then telling me a 21 year old (I am 45) hit on him. He knows my relationship history. I asked him if he told her he has a girl friend and he says he did not. We have been together 6 months. I am having a hard time getting past this. He asked what he can do to make it better. I told him he can take me to his workplace for dinner. (He works in a restaurant with this girl.)
In fact, I had asked him to take me out to the restaurant 3 months ago and he said he did not want to because he doesn't like people knowing about his personal life. I let it go. I have met his friends, he only has two. He is not happy I am insisting on a date at the restaurant. I told him that he did not do his job and put a boundary in place by letting this girl know he has a girlfriend so I think this is a good way to let people know.
Meanwhile , I am feeling bad he talks about wrinkle cream and in the next breath a 21 year old hitting on him while he rarely compliments me. I randomly get compliments on my appearance but never from him.
Just wanted some feedback as I'm feeling really bad , not secure about our relationship whereas I usually do feel secure with him because I see he makes effort to be a good partner. Thank you
I will start by saying I have issues. Trust issues and issues about age as the last person I was with chose to be with someone 17 years younger than me , over me. That previous partner , and other men I've been with , have cheated. These are where some trust issues come from.
I am with someone new. He is younger than me, 7 1/2 years. Sometimes he seems immature for his age. Immature (in regards to responsibilities , a mama's boy at 38. I like his mom btw.) and in general. He sometimes says stupid things. The latest is him telling me about wrinkle cream and then telling me a 21 year old (I am 45) hit on him. He knows my relationship history. I asked him if he told her he has a girl friend and he says he did not. We have been together 6 months. I am having a hard time getting past this. He asked what he can do to make it better. I told him he can take me to his workplace for dinner. (He works in a restaurant with this girl.)
In fact, I had asked him to take me out to the restaurant 3 months ago and he said he did not want to because he doesn't like people knowing about his personal life. I let it go. I have met his friends, he only has two. He is not happy I am insisting on a date at the restaurant. I told him that he did not do his job and put a boundary in place by letting this girl know he has a girlfriend so I think this is a good way to let people know.
Meanwhile , I am feeling bad he talks about wrinkle cream and in the next breath a 21 year old hitting on him while he rarely compliments me. I randomly get compliments on my appearance but never from him.
Just wanted some feedback as I'm feeling really bad , not secure about our relationship whereas I usually do feel secure with him because I see he makes effort to be a good partner. Thank you
OP, I got through the 2nd paragraph, that's all. The question that immediately arises is: why are you attracted to these kinds of jerks? Why are you putting up with the twit you're currently with? You're right; he's not thinking and acting like a 38-yr-old. Find someone more mature, who cares about you. They're out there.
Why am i with him? Because I must have "a broken picker" , I honestly thought I finally (though I've had a couple good ones in the past.) got a good one. . .
I appreciate the responses. Thank you
How did you meet this man and why on earth are you with him? If you're feeling this way six months into a relationship (the period of time when things between a couple are generally at their rosiest), it's not going to get any better the further down the line you go with him.
As Ruth wrote, move on. There are great (and mature) men out there.
He is being insensitive, sure, but you cannot go through life expecting another person to make YOU feel better about yourself.
There's a difference between enjoying compliments and looking for someone to validate you as a person.
As for your BF, an intelligent person, when hearing about your past issues, would take care NOT to say things that make you feel worse. So of course what he can do to make it better is to stop saying idiotic things. But I'm not sure that's doable for him, based on what you've written.
Why am i with him? Because I must have "a broken picker" , I honestly thought I finally (though I've had a couple good ones in the past.) got a good one. . .
I appreciate the responses. Thank you
Yet your OP is full of negatives. --
Sometimes he seems immature for his age.
a mama's boy at 38
He sometimes says stupid things.
I have met his friends, he only has two.
he rarely compliments me
Personally I think he mentioned the thing about the 21 year old because he was either flattered or interested. You've only been together 6 months. I don't see this relationship going much further. You should want more for yourself.
How did you meet this man and why on earth are you with him? If you're feeling this way six months into a relationship (the period of time when things between a couple are generally at their rosiest), it's not going to get any better the further down the line you go with him.
As Ruth wrote, move on. There are great (and mature) men out there.
I met him online. Right , I feel like I should be with someone who is crazy about me and at least tells me I'm pretty once in awhile , especially in the beginning.
I know this is written from my perspective but I thought I'd get more responses about my problems, not him being jerky. . .
I know this is written from my perspective but I thought I'd get more responses about my problems, not him being jerky. . .
Like this?
Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdieBelle
He is being insensitive, sure, but you cannot go through life expecting another person to make YOU feel better about yourself.
There's a difference between enjoying compliments and looking for someone to validate you as a person.
You have low self-esteem. That most likely makes your "trust issues" worse. You could use therapy to help with that instead of dating jerks with the idea that their behavior will make you feel good about yourself.
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