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They are not strangers (friends in fact, right?), so "it's up to you" doesn't have the same negative feel, at least to me. What reaction did you exact? She throws herself at you, hoping you catch her, looks up into your eyes, and cries, "I've been waiting for you to ask?"
Edit: I guess context is everything. I'm not about to read two threads to get caught up. What I said may not apply to this case, but in general that answer may not be so terrible.
Yes, we are friends. Like we can hang out on the weekends or at work, talk, then go home and everything’s the same. I can’t say I’m in the friend zone because we aren’t THAT close(I know someone in her friend zone). There’s a lot of small side details but that’s the main gist of it.
So I took her out on a date today. I wasn’t sure if she remembered from last week, so I asked “are you doing anything later”. She said “not sure why what’s up”. I ask if she wants to get food later, she said where, I tell here where and she said ok.
Anyways, I pick her up, she’s dressed causally, jeans, heels, tank top/flannel, some clevage showing.
We get to the place and we’re talking. I ask about her boyfriend, since I wasn’t 100% sure if they were together or not. She told me that they broke up a while ago because things just didn’t work out, they had arguments, he didn’t “love Her enough”, he was kinda an A hole about things.
We were talking about weird people at work and she said this one guy **** blocked her while she was “shooting her shot” with another guy. Her way was saying “it gets lonely on the weekends”. This was a while ago.
But then, she said she thinks she wants to stay single for now because she’s never really had any alone time. She’s not talking to anyone right now.
Then I asked if she wanted to come over and watch a movie or something, she declined because she had been hiking all morning and tired(she actually did hike).
She kept asking if I was gonna go to a friends bbq tomorrow and that she was gonna be there, I said maybe, depends on what I’m doing.
So I take this as she’s not interested, even if she eventually does, she isn right now. But my question is, Is there any chance of even just casual hook ups? The hell would she care if I was going to a friends bbq if she wanted nothing to do with me.
My whole thing is that it doesn’t seem so black and white because we ARE friends. It’s not like I just met her at a bar or something.
Dude, you're the blank in the glass jar, you remenber that bit Chris Rock did? Second string, bench warmer, backup plan.
Don't make me trot out more cliche sayings.
I mean this without trying to be mean, just move on.
Lots of people are saying just move on. Not that I’m ignoring anyone’s advice, I truly find it valuable, but is it just a little biased?
I’m not even against the fact of moving on, there’s just alittle bit of me that’s telling me that it’s work in progress. Maybe it’s just my inexperience with dating or something. Or I’m reading her wrong. I just need closure lol.
Like at this moment I feel like where good friends but it *could* eventually lead to something. I don’t really care if she’s not loyal or whatever, I don’t mind something casual, and if it leads into something more I’d be fine too.
Lots of people are saying just move on. Not that I’m ignoring anyone’s advice, I truly find it valuable, but is it just a little biased?
I’m not even against the fact of moving on, there’s just alittle bit of me that’s telling me that it’s work in progress. Maybe it’s just my inexperience with dating or something. Or I’m reading her wrong. I just need closure lol.
Like at this moment I feel like where good friends but it *could* eventually lead to something. I don’t really care if she’s not loyal or whatever, I don’t mind something casual, and if it leads into something more I’d be fine too.
Are you desperate?
I mean that without snark. If you were my buddy and we were having a beer I'd be like WTF are you doing?
If you're just hanging around waiting for scrapes just own that idea. She's not into you and that really isn't an insult as there has been lovey ladies that I haven't been into. It's not a bad thing, it just is.
I mean that without snark. If you were my buddy and we were having a beer I'd be like WTF are you doing?
If you're just hanging around waiting for scrapes just own that idea. She's not into you and that really isn't an insult as there has been lovey ladies that I haven't been into. It's not a bad thing, it just is.
Yes and no. I don’t really get out much, so I don’t know many people, not good with cold approaches. I’ve tried tinder and other dating apps but it really doesn’t beat getting to know someone first. So idk, I don’t want to go cold turkey either because she still hangs around my friends.
So I took her out on a date today. I wasn’t sure if she remembered from last week, so I asked “are you doing anything later”. She said “not sure why what’s up”. I ask if she wants to get food later, she said where, I tell here where and she said ok.
Anyways, I pick her up, she’s dressed causally, jeans, heels, tank top/flannel, some clevage showing.
We get to the place and we’re talking. I ask about her boyfriend, since I wasn’t 100% sure if they were together or not. She told me that they broke up a while ago because things just didn’t work out, they had arguments, he didn’t “love Her enough”, he was kinda an A hole about things.
We were talking about weird people at work and she said this one guy **** blocked her while she was “shooting her shot” with another guy. Her way was saying “it gets lonely on the weekends”. This was a while ago.
But then, she said she thinks she wants to stay single for now because she’s never really had any alone time. She’s not talking to anyone right now.
Then I asked if she wanted to come over and watch a movie or something, she declined because she had been hiking all morning and tired(she actually did hike).
She kept asking if I was gonna go to a friends bbq tomorrow and that she was gonna be there, I said maybe, depends on what I’m doing.
So I take this as she’s not interested, even if she eventually does, she isn right now. But my question is, Is there any chance of even just casual hook ups? The hell would she care if I was going to a friends bbq if she wanted nothing to do with me.
My whole thing is that it doesn’t seem so black and white because we ARE friends. It’s not like I just met her at a bar or something.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Range
Lots of people are saying just move on. Not that I’m ignoring anyone’s advice, I truly find it valuable, but is it just a little biased?
I’m not even against the fact of moving on, there’s just alittle bit of me that’s telling me that it’s work in progress. Maybe it’s just my inexperience with dating or something. Or I’m reading her wrong. I just need closure lol.
Like at this moment I feel like where good friends but it *could* eventually lead to something. I don’t really care if she’s not loyal or whatever, I don’t mind something casual, and if it leads into something more I’d be fine too.
She dressed like it was a date, and it sure sounds like she thought it was a date, but you asked all the wrong questions - as if you were just friends hanging out. You shouldn't have asked about her (ex) boyfriend. If you're getting friend zoned, it's because you're putting yourself there.
My advice: go to the BBQ. Spend time with her there...and, if things are going well, then ask her to do something afterwards (movie at your place or whatever).
Yes and no. I don’t really get out much, so I don’t know many people, not good with cold approaches. I’ve tried tinder and other dating apps but it really doesn’t beat getting to know someone first. So idk, I don’t want to go cold turkey either because she still hangs around my friends.
You know what, when we ask questions about others, the real question should be about ourselves.
Turn your questions inward.
Give some thought to that.
If you're just looking to get your whistle wet, well , I guess you can sorta blow off what I'm saying.
I’m not even against the fact of moving on, there’s just alittle bit of me that’s telling me that it’s work in progress. Maybe it’s just my inexperience with dating or something. Or I’m reading her wrong. I just need closure lol.
Like at this moment I feel like where good friends but it *could* eventually lead to something. I don’t really care if she’s not loyal or whatever, I don’t mind something casual, and if it leads into something more I’d be fine too.
It's good that you and this girl are friends. In fact, we need more sincere, honest platonic male/female friendships in this world. Not friend zones, where the man is getting used; not FWB's, where the woman is getting used; but true friendships. We just might have a respectful relationship between sexes at large, rather than the pathetic circus we have today, full of Red Pillers and #MeToo'ers.
But ask yourself, and answer honestly: Has this girl done anything that indicates more-than-friendly interest on her part? Did she hug you in a way that feels more than friendly? Did she make any statements about you and her being together, even if jokingly? Did she touch you in a racy but not overtly sexual way, like playfully spank you? Or best yet, did she kiss you, be it sober or drunk?
If the answer is "no" to all of the above, ask yourself what you're getting out of the friendship, other than hope of a future relationship. Like I said above, male/female friendships are great, but they need to add value to BOTH friends' lives. So, how does she add value to your life, as well as you to hers? If she's not adding value to your life, there's nothing wrong with moving on.
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