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Sometimes, but it's very possible you misread the other person.
"If they don’t like you, you’ll be confused.”
Not necessarily. It's very possible to be confused when the person actually does like you.
Yes, I do agree with this. I've known a number of people who struggle to show their true feelings, myself included. I've gotten caught in the trap of hiding my emotions because I feel like the other person is not into me, when in reality, they're playing the same game.
Someone has to have the guts to express their feelings, rejection be damned.
Just ran across this line on Reddit and it clicked with me pretty hard. It really resonates with a lot of the experiences I’ve had. Also means I haven’t been nearly as good at hiding my cards with my crushes as I thought I was, though in certain situations it’s not like my tells have been hard to pick up on.
Any thoughts? Disagreements?
I generally disagree.
With three of the fourish women I've dated seriously enough to consider a girlfriend, there were points where I thought they were just flat out not interested.
Also ... as a middle aged person, I think the word 'like' is just useless.
For a guy, it just means you want to have sex with a woman, which could encompass a large group of women of all different types and can vary by the month.
For a woman, it just means that you want to have sex with a man based on typically, a number of arbitrary factors, such as emotional triggers, physical attraction, I think I've heard people here say what a guy smells like (lol), etc.
For me, I think it's more worthwhile to list reasons why you think this person might be a really good match for you ... or at the very least contribute to being a fun casual relationship if you're younger, and the reasons why it might be really bad.
That’s petty combative. If someone’s not interested then so be it, nothing deceitful about it...the deceit comes from within one’s self.
I don’t think people generally reject others with the intention of hurting them, much less intentionally leading them on with the intent to hurt them. That’s like something out of Carrie. Even the one time I felt a girl actually flirted with me outside of a service context (i.e., not a waitress or bartender flirting with me for tips), I think she was surprised when I asked her out...she wasn’t flirting with me to hurt me so much as to practice being flirty.
To this, and to RbccL's refutation thereof...
I have observed that some people flirt with INTENT and some people flirt for fun. Often the person who flirts for fun, if in an adult social setting, it's like a shotgun effect. They are not targeting you specifically they are being flirtatious with various people because the banter and the game is enjoyable social behavior. Especially this can get dialed up if alcohol is involved, but some of us who don't even drink (hi!) do this just because we like to.
But I do not tend to aim it at random people that I don't know, or typical stranger guys who might react in who knows what way, or people that I know are going to read too much into it. I can read the room well enough to know who I can joke-flirt with and who I cannot, most of the time. I've made an error here or there, but usually some straightforward communication is enough to sort it.
Those times I've made errors, it's mostly a disconnect in what sort of people we are that leads to confusion. If a "flirt for fun" person encounters a "flirt to express intent" person... Especially if the "intent" person is single and attracted to the "fun" person...that's where they do sometimes get their hopes up a bit and then get annoyed or even hurt, like "Why would you flirt with me if you didn't want to go out?" Um, because innuendo and banter is part of having a good time and it doesn't mean I am available to marry you. Step back, my friend. It ain't like that.
Also? I can totally LIKE YOU and maybe you're someone that in other circumstances I'd hook up with or something, in some way, and I often want to find a way to simply express to somebody that my evaluation of them is positive...and it frustrates me that in just wanting to give positive feedback there are so many guys who are like, "Oh so you want me right? I'm gonna get some right?" and that's the only place they wanna go to. No, in fact, I just wanted to let you know that I think you've got it going on, and maybe boost your confidence a little with a compliment because hell you deserve it. Just because I wanna throw some positive juju your way doesn't mean I'm ready to ditch my beloved fiance and run off to your bedroom this minute because the shirt you're wearing flatters your eye color. Good lord.
But then again, when I have definitely wanted someone, I've also been known to come right and and be like, "So I want to have sex with you. If you're down for that. Whaddya think?" I had to be that clear with my boyfriend in the beginning, and I don't regret it one bit.
But I feel for guys sometimes because yeah...my experiences with women. The woman I work with... She has bought me food on a few occasions, taking me even to a very nice Japanese restaurant one day. She also bought me other things I can't necessarily say here (probably not what you think--didn't use batteries lol--but from the same kind of store. I'll just leave it at that.) We've done some play at the club, she said she had a huge crush on me and has said she is "smitten" and she wrote a poem about me and she's showed me a couple of music videos that express some rather sexy hot concepts and it just adds up to look like this incredible, gorgeous young woman is trying to seduce me. But... It is my way to be like, "OK so I'd be down to date, to have sex, to just play around, to be friends, like really whatever you want, so just let me know..." and hand consent to her in explicit terms. But then I'm waiting to hear from her, like, what she wants. But I'm not sure she knows exactly what she wants. So we just drift around in the same space affirming how into one another we are but doing nothing really much about it.
If a guy was involved, I think by now, someone would have planned and executed a visit to someone's place, someone would have initiated making out and escalating to sex. Things would have happened by now. But instead we're both just like, well...you're hot....do you really think I'm hot? Nahhh I'm a dork... But YOU now, you're hot.
God, we are hopeless.
But at the same time I feel I can afford to let it be a little uncertain, to play the game a while, and be zen about not knowing or caring much what comes of it. Because while I dig her...a lot...she also lives her life more in the fast lane than I do, so it isn't as though we're really relationship material or anything. It would only ever be friends + fun...and so long as I've got the "friends" I don't care too much what else comes about. I am not suffering from not knowing if she wants to date or have sex, or if she's just flirting and playing for funsies. It doesn't matter that much.
I don't picture you as a women needing practice flirting, Sonic. Maybe because I can relate to people who are more direct and don't want to send mixed messages. I don't flirt with strangers. I should have used "I" instead of women. That's why the issue with the word, practice.
OLD is the right venue for me. It's already agreed we're both interested in each other, and it's supposed to be for a romantic connection. So I get to say what I mean, compliment without hesitation, touchy-feely, if it's there. I just disagreed with the idea of women practice flirting. For what? The big event when we have to get it down right, like a professional?
Maybe some do flirt and get offended if it's acted upon, like a tease or attention seeker.
With three of the fourish women I've dated seriously enough to consider a girlfriend, there were points where I thought they were just flat out not interested.
Also ... as a middle aged person, I think the word 'like' is just useless.
For a guy, it just means you want to have sex with a woman, which could encompass a large group of women of all different types and can vary by the month.
For a woman, it just means that you want to have sex with a man based on typically, a number of arbitrary factors, such as emotional triggers, physical attraction, I think I've heard people here say what a guy smells like (lol), etc.
For me, I think it's more worthwhile to list reasons why you think this person might be a really good match for you ... or at the very least contribute to being a fun casual relationship if you're younger, and the reasons why it might be really bad.
I don't know if I'd rule that out. If you smell good, in my experience, you just might improve your chances.
Back to the topic. I admit, I ain't the best when it comes to reading who (as a woman) is interested in me (I'm not the worst either).
Last edited by TJenkins602; 07-12-2019 at 04:12 PM..
I don't know if I'd rule that out. If you smell good, in my experience, you just might improve your chances.
I think he might be misunderstanding smell good, i.e. showered and wearing cologne, versus the scent of pheromones which are involved in attraction.
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