Dating or hanging out? (married, guys, friends, friendship)
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THIS IS NOT DATING TO ME. This crap, immature behavior from him is for 15-year-old girls who don't know any better &/or who aren't allowed to actually date yet, but still want to spend time w/ their guy pals OR "boyfriends" & I use that term loosely even in that situation.
I don't know how long you've been enabling this to go on, but you deserve better. On the other hand, if you're willing to just put up w/ "hanging out" at home for any longer, that must be all you feel YOU deserve. He'll play this for all its worth & go the cheapest way he can get from you for as long as he can. To me, he's doing this for these combo of reasons:
- you're the "other woman" he's cheating w/, so he figures if he keeps you at home all the time, there's zero chance of him running into his actual girlfriend or anyone she knows when out & about who can go tell her
- this shows that he thinks extremely lowly of you. He thinks, "I've just got to hang out w/ her at home & she's good". This is definitely a type of DISRESPECT. The bad thing though is that YOU allow this!
- he obviously has ZERO ambition & creativity. You'd think he'd be bored of doing this same thing too all the time. He can't even take you to the lousy movies, which is bad enough if that's all that's ever done. Even the beach is free but notice he never takes you there.
- he's ashamed of you so he just does this all the time so no one can see you w/ him out in public
- a guy this broke doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend until he has the means to do SOMETHING.
- this is totally immature of him
A high caliber, mature, strong, intelligent woman who shows good self-respect & self-worth of herself is worth being taken out on nice dates:
- a musical performance sometimes
- a picnic in the park which is pretty inexpensive too, but he can't even seem to do that
- dinner & a movie sometimes
- a day at the museum
- shopping at the mall
- bowling, tennis, play pool, or some other physical activity
The guy I have been seeing and I have not been on a date. He claims he doesn't have the money. So he ends up at my place and we hang out there. We talked about getting a hotel and hang out there. I have known him for awhile so he is very familiar to me. But there has been no sex yet. Is this actually dating? I feel like if he can afford a hotel he can take me on a date. Am I being unreasonable or old fashioned? How do I get him to take me on a date without making it seem like I want him to spend money on me?
Is this the same man you posted about several weeks ago with the same complaint, i.e., a former boyfriend who you permitted to reenter your life, but refuses to take you out on a date?
If so, I think that it's time for you to make the break permanent as you surely must have broken up for a reason the last time around. Familiarity and friendship aside, this doesn't seem like someone who is on the same wavelength as you in terms of dating expectations.
The guy I have been seeing and I have not been on a date. He claims he doesn't have the money. So he ends up at my place and we hang out there. We talked about getting a hotel and hang out there. I have known him for awhile so he is very familiar to me. But there has been no sex yet. Is this actually dating? I feel like if he can afford a hotel he can take me on a date. Am I being unreasonable or old fashioned? How do I get him to take me on a date without making it seem like I want him to spend money on me?
Tell him you're tired of hanging out at your place, it's boring. Ask him to use his imagination to come up with an idea for a free date. You can also think of some ideas, but let him make the first suggestion. It's not that difficult to come up with fun stuff to do for free. If he can't manage something so simple, what's the point of seeing him? Where is this friendship going (that's all it is at this point; a platonic friendship). Do you really want to be stuck with this guy longer-term?
A hotel? Seriously?? What's the hotel for? Do you have roommates you need to get away from, or something? And yeah, if he can pay for a hotel, he can pay for a free date plus a decent lunch, or admission to a museum (many museums have a free admission day, btw), or whatever. But there's nothing wrong with free dates. This guy sounds like a slug, sorry. Not much fun.
Why have you put up with this so long?
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 08-02-2019 at 07:19 PM..
To reiterate what others said it looks a little fishy. How old are you and him, OP? I can see that sort of thing being somewhat normal in college, when most people are broke and in a roommate situation. Even then, a movie date doesnt cost too much. Going out for a coffee or some free event. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt since I dont know him or the situation. But OP its up to you to put a bit of pressure on him (nicely) to start putting more effort into impressing you.
Nope, not dating. And, I don't even think he is trying. Dating is courtship in my opinion. I don't date broke people. If he is embarrassed to be around you in public, there is a problem. I would dump him and tell him that you are looking for something different in a relationship, and hope he finds that girl that wants a hotel room with him.
You didn't seem to listen to us then, so you probably won't in this thread either.
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