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I'm 33 year old male and she's 37 year old female. This is after only 2nd date btw.
I'm fully deaf in left ear with moderate hearing loss in right. I wear hearing aid which she noticed. She asked if I was ever bullied as a child due to my hard of hearing (I wasn't). If any of my relatives have deafness or hard of hearing issues. She also asked if I have any speech issues without hearing aid (I don't). And if someone were to present a word on a piece of paper, would I be able to speak the word without my hearing aid? I thought that was a really weird and highly rude question. Also, she asked other weird questions. Almost felt like an interrogation. I work in healthcare dealing with public and obviously don't have any speech issues.
I get the feeling she will eventually request I take genetic testing based on her questions. She wants to have kids someday. But this is only after 2nd date.
Or am I simply overthinking this and this is no big deal as normal-hearing are simply curious. I'm contemplating whether I should go out on another date or just cut my losses and move on?
TL;DR = after 2nd date. Date basically asked me a bunch of questions related to my hearing impairment. Asked if I had any genetic testing done or have relatives with hearing loss. She wants to have kids someday (she's 37) but I feel these questions may be too invasive. Or am I too sensitive and this is no big deal?
You have a legit right to be peeved. She was laying it on pretty thick w/ the questions. It almost seems like she's using you as a subject for her college course project about speech & hearing or something. Sheesh.
She can be a lot more casual, sincere, & compassionate w/ you & not just rattle off these questions...whether she asked 1 after the other OR grouped the questions after some conversation.
How was she on the 1st date? Are you sure you still want to go out w/ her anymore? I'd want someone more kind, sincere, & compassionate in a partner. You already have to put up w/ enough difficulty in society from strangers, coworkers, etc. as it is due to your deafness.
I lean toward her questions being based in ignorance rather than malice. Maybe she's never met a person with a disability before and didn't know how to handle her curiosity about what your life is like and as an extension, what she could expect if she keeps seeing you. If you were completely offput by her behavior, it's well within your rights to not want to see her again
I lean toward her questions being based in ignorance rather than malice. Maybe she's never met a person with a disability before and didn't know how to handle her curiosity about what your life is like and as an extension, what she could expect if she keeps seeing you. If you were completely offput by her behavior, it's well within your rights to not want to see her again
Ya. It's hard to judge. I think those questions gives insight to her true personality. That maybe she's high-maintenance, paranoid/neurotic, lacks empathy. But you're right, it could be just plain ignorance.
I really didn't like the "written word and speaking it" question though. I think she lacks tact.
To answer the other poster's question about first date, it was fine. We had good chemistry. But after this 2nd date, I dunno. I'm leaning towards nipping this in the bud.
I'm 33 year old male and she's 37 year old female. This is after only 2nd date btw.
I'm fully deaf in left ear with moderate hearing loss in right. I wear hearing aid which she noticed. She asked if I was ever bullied as a child due to my hard of hearing (I wasn't). If any of my relatives have deafness or hard of hearing issues. She also asked if I have any speech issues without hearing aid (I don't). And if someone were to present a word on a piece of paper, would I be able to speak the word without my hearing aid? I thought that was a really weird and highly rude question. Also, she asked other weird questions. Almost felt like an interrogation. I work in healthcare dealing with public and obviously don't have any speech issues.
I get the feeling she will eventually request I take genetic testing based on her questions. She wants to have kids someday. But this is only after 2nd date.
Or am I simply overthinking this and this is no big deal as normal-hearing are simply curious. I'm contemplating whether I should go out on another date or just cut my losses and move on?
TL;DR = after 2nd date. Date basically asked me a bunch of questions related to my hearing impairment. Asked if I had any genetic testing done or have relatives with hearing loss. She wants to have kids someday (she's 37) but I feel these questions may be too invasive. Or am I too sensitive and this is no big deal?
More significantly she is a late 30's gal with "Baby Rabies" so you should give her the bum's rush without further deliberation.
I lean toward her questions being based in ignorance rather than malice. Maybe she's never met a person with a disability before and didn't know how to handle her curiosity about what your life is like and as an extension, what she could expect if she keeps seeing you. If you were completely offput by her behavior, it's well within your rights to not want to see her again
Yeah. I think so too. Ignorance and curiosity. Not malicious, in my opinion. Lacking sensitivity, though.
Seems like she’s really focused on finding the best possible father for her children. I.e., she’s focused on her interests more than having fun with you. I’d find that really insensitive.
The OP doesn't specify but the tone of the questions is important. Some people are more curious than others about these types of things. So long as the person asks nicely out of genuine curiosity, and not in a demanding, invasive way, I see no issues with it.
And there is no hard rule about when to talk about kids in the dating game. Maybe I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing that on the first date but if I felt enough chemistry with the person, no harm in bringing that up. I certainly wouldn't want to date for a year and then find out the person I'm dating wants/doesn't want kids.
As far as going on a third date, if the OP has to ask us strangers if he should go on that date or cut his losses and move on, I'd say he's really not into this lady. If I'm physically attracted to someone and the chemistry is high, unless something really bad happened on the second date, I'd be very eager to go on another date. I never want to 'settle' for something I am not that crazy about.
Seems like she’s really focused on finding the best possible father for her children. I.e., she’s focused on her interests more than having fun with you. I’d find that really insensitive.
The OP doesn't specify but the tone of the questions is important. Some people are more curious than others about these types of things. So long as the person asks nicely out of genuine curiosity, and not in a demanding, invasive way, I see no issues with it.
I agree. When my friend started dating this man who was actually deaf, even before they had the first date, her now boyfriend brought up his hearing loss and wanted to know how well this friend could deal with it. For things that might be actual deal breakers for someone, you want to have that discussion pretty early in the dating process. This woman wasn't dismissing you, she was trying to figure what she was getting herself into. If you dismiss every woman who has questions about your hearing aid situation, you are going to have problems progressing much with women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy
And there is no hard rule about when to talk about kids in the dating game. Maybe I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing that on the first date but if I felt enough chemistry with the person, no harm in bringing that up. I certainly wouldn't want to date for a year and then find out the person I'm dating wants/doesn't want kids.
As far as going on a third date, if the OP has to ask us strangers if he should go on that date or cut his losses and move on, I'd say he's really not into this lady. If I'm physically attracted to someone and the chemistry is high, unless something really bad happened on the second date, I'd be very eager to go on another date. I never want to 'settle' for something I am not that crazy about.
I also agree with this too. The OP doesn't seem that much into this woman and this is the reason if I was the OP, I would end this.
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